Reflections on my journey... PART 2

Part 2:
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I realized that I had been pursuing a radical Christianity for the sake of being spiritually gifted. I wanted to have words of knowledge, prophesy, and heal the sick. Many times, I had not been content knowing that I was the beloved son of God and that He has loved me before the beginning of time. Now there certainly is a cost in receiving the anointing of God, one must deny themselves. But when denying oneself becomes a priority over loving God and loving others, I believe that it can become an idol as well. Where this really stuck out to me was the part that had to do with loving others.

I went back to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission. Before we can do the Great Commission, we have to do the Great Commandment. We have to love God and to love others as ourselves. I realized that I was loving God hardcore. I wanted more and more and more of Him. But I realized that my loving others part was seriously lacking. I really wasn't taking time to love others because I was so consumed with myself. Then I realized that I don’t really love myself that much because my actions were saying that I needed to do things to please God rather than being good enough as I was.

The biggest eye-opening experience to lacking love for others came through talking to Sara. I realized that in the midst of everything I was going through I was pushing away an amazing girl who had stuck by me even when things were hard. She liked for who I was and not for my giftings or actions in and of themselves. She had seen me at my best and at my worst, and she still was there for me. Even after I had separated from her for five months to pursue God whole-heartedly, she had still waited for me and cared for me. She allowed me to pursue God whole-heartedly and she wanted me to have God as my lone satisfaction. But it had never dawned on me that being in relationship was a way to see God's love from a whole new level.

As I wrestled with these thoughts, I remember having a crazy conversation with my uncle one night. We talked about how in this past year, I was so up in the clouds spiritually that I didn't really understand the actual needs of the people. I had understood theory, doctrine, and theology, but I didn't know the actual needs of the people. I was climbing at to the top, but I was alienating everyone at the bottom who didn't know how to get there. My Christianity was only half way being fulfilled, I loved God with all my heart, but I wasn't loving others. So basically, my whole world was wrecked after winter break, and I am in the midst of another paradigm shift in which God is healing my heart and setting me free to see His true heart for the ones He loves.

With all these things on my mind and heart, I realized that God wants to see His love through others. God put relationships in our lives that we may see a glimpse of who He really is. We are not meant to do this life alone. We are not meant to pursue God on solely and individual basis. God wants us to love Him in community. He wants us to see the power and imagery of His character through relationships. This was all so new to me, and I never realized how isolated I had caused myself to be. It's still a struggle I have now. I am still trying to pop out of my Christian bubble and love those who Jesus loved. I have realized that intimacy with Christ means knowing Him and being with him. But it doesn't mean isolating yourself from the world. Jesus is hanging out with those who don't know Him, and part of having intimacy with Him means going to the sinners and tax collectors Jesus hung out with.

With all that said, it's been a crazy journey in the past few months. I have been working on my relationship with my brother and we were able to reconcile many things. I have gone closer wiht my family, and even my friends in Epic. Most of all, I have learned what it means to be a man in a relationship and the role that I have as an initiator and a protector. It has been a joy being in a relationship with Sara. It's been one month now, and it has been one awesome journy and learning experience. We definitely have had our ups and downs in terms of learning how to communicate with one another and working out this long distance thing. But it is so amazing to see the love of God through her. It is so encouraging to see her amazing, beautiful heart. I am blown away by her child-like faith and her compassion. I am challenged by her honesty and straight-forwardness. I smile every time she texts me or sends me a message. I am filled with joy every time she laughs. I see her as the most beautiful princess and beloved daughter of the King, and I vow to treat her as royalty of the King of Kings. And 0n top of all that, I can't help but mention that she is really really cute!

Most importantly, her heart and compassion point me back to a greater revelation of who Jesus is in my life. He loves me and sees me for who I am. He is not concerned with the things I do in the past or even the things that I do to try to please Him. He loves me just as I am. He blesses me and offers me gifts even when I don’t have anything to give back. Sara exemplifies this characteristics and I see a glimpse of Jesus through her in these ways. She isn't perfect and neither am I. But that's why we need Jesus even more than one another. As we pursue God together, I see the beauty of Christ in relationships. I see the amazing qualities of being able to care for Sara by just being who I am, and Sara being able to care for me by just being who she is. There is no need for us to go out of our way or force things to happen. We see the love of Christ through the way that he has made us.

So on this Valentine’s Day, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have experienced love in a way that I never would have realized or expected had it not been for recognizing the my own depravity and selfishness and realizing my need to truly learn how to be loved and how to love and serve others. I have a long way to go, but by the grace and love of the Lord Jesus Christ, I have learned to be content where I am at this point of the journey. The breakthroughs will happen as we wait on God and allow ourselves to be loved. Let's not strive to be loved or made known, the God of the universe already loves us and there are no actions we must do to receive this. It's easier said than done. But I have learned that in the midst of frustration and disillusionment the best thing we can do is not to retreat or get away, but to obey what God has called us to. Love. Go out and love. We can have all the theoretical knowledge in the world, but when it comes down to it, all we have to do is obey. Love.

Thank you God that you have loved me and have shown your love through those around me. Thank you that your love is what satisfies me and sets me free. I long to know your love and make it known. May we move from knowledge to obedience as we go out and share your love with others. More of you in our lives Jesus! On this Valentine’s Day, I pray that you would shower lonely and broken hearts with your love. May we have open eyes and sensitive hearts to love those who are in need of you those most. Thank you that your love has set us free to step into our unique identities. We love you Jesus. In your name. Amen