Back on track

Yo yo yo.... Wow, so it's been a while since I've really taken the time to write. My apologies. I have lots to catch up on. Since I've been gone from my week with God last week, lots of crazy stuff has happened. It's been a rough week trying to get back into the swing of things, and in a lot of ways, I still haven't gotten back into my routine. But then again, I never really had one to begin with, which I guess is part of my problem at this point. Haha, but anyhoo, I need to get everyone back up to speed on my crazy little life starting with the craziness of tonight.

So my church has a prayer meeting every Wednesday night, and so tonight my pastor had asked me to share with everyone since he was just coming back from a conference and didn't really have time to prepare. He asked me last Sunday, and of course I agreed. I actually wanted to share some vision and stuff that God was giving me while I was away for the last week. But when today came along, I had no idea what I was going to talk about. The last couple of days for me have been really hard. I have been going through withdrawals, I guess you could call it, from my week alone. I really wanted to spend time with God, but I was too week and my flesh kept taking over in the sense that I kept getting distracted.

So for the past couple of days, I wasn't really able to spend the quiet time I was used to or what I longed for like I had when I was by myself for a week. But today, I decided to really dig in and seek God for direction for tonight's prayer meeting. I read my Bible and actually fell asleep while I was trying to pray....ya, pretty bad right. I then went downstairs and talked to my mom a bit, and we ended up talking about church. After the conversation with her, my heart was really broken for the church upon hearing some of the things that our church was going through. I went up to my room and just prayed on behalf of our church. After praying for a while, I spent some quiet time with God just basking in His presence and seeking direction for tonight.

God gave me some insight into what He wanted me to talk about, but I honestly really had no clue how it would turn out. When we went to the prayer meeting, my dad and I were kinda late. Everyone was worshippping, and wow, it was pretty powerful. You could really feel the people pouring out their hearts in praise. After a little more singing, my pastor announced I would be sharing with everyone. I still really was not sure what I was going to say. I had never been in our church prayer meetings before because I am always with the youth. I knew I wanted to talk about my experiences during my week with God, but wasn't really sure where to go with it.

So I just prayed and asked God to be with us and to speak to our hearts. Then, I started opening my mouth, and God did the rest. I ended up talking about this crazy dream I had on the first day of my time with God. It was probably one of the craziest dreams I have ever had. Maybe, I can share more about it later. But in summary it had to do with my need to slow down. God was showing me that I was so consumed in work and ministry that I had lost sight of caring for my family and especially for my brother.

From this point, I transitioned by showing how the relevance of my dream to the church as a whole. I explained that as a church we must be careful not lose sight of God. Oftentimes we get so caught up in our ministry and in our programs that we forget the people in our community, we forget about the needs of our own families and members, but most significantly, we forget about our intimacy with God. So often, our lives become about the next program and structure that we forget that our first and foremost calling is to seek God first. I talked about how we must delight in God first and He will give us the desires of our heart (Ps. 34:7). We must learn to find satisfaction in God alone and not the gifts he gives us.

I really don't know exactly what I said or how it came out; all I know is that God was with us in that room. I talked a little about my vision for the youth as well, and our need for accountability and discipleship. People were really touched by what God spoke through me. But this was only the beginning. After I spoke, I just kinda ended, and afterwards, my pastor than asked me to kind of pray in closing I guess. So I prayed, and wow the Holy Spirit totally showed up. Again as I prayed, I don't even know what I said, but the Words just came out of my mouth. As I passionately gave my hear to God, people were responding, they were agreeing. While I prayed, the Holy Spirit totally began touching the hearts of the people even more. People all over the room began weeping and crying out to God. When I ended, I remember being able to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly. I was even shaking a little bit. My pastor told us to continue to remain silent and seek the Holy Spirit.

He then read a passage in Revelation talking about how the church of Ephesus had forsaken its first love. He repented on behalf of our church, and it was just an intense moment. God definitely showed up today at our prayer meeting and convicted all of our hearts of our need for greater intimacy with Him. We must fulfill the Great Commission by first fulfilling the Great Commandment. We must love God and neighbors first because lovers always outwork workers.

I don't know how to explain what happened. It seems like it all happened so fast. People were blessed and came up to me afterwards to thank me. But all the glory goes to God. I know that He spoke through me and used me today. But it all began in prayer. The last couple days have been pretty hard trying to spend time with God, but I know that God heard my prayers as I cried out for my church this afternoon. He showed up in a big way.

Later, I found out that one of the leaders in my church started fasting and was seeking God for what to do for the prayer meeting and how to write up the prayer list. She wanted to say a lot of things, but she didn't know how to convey it her in prayer list. But she told me that God totally answered her prayer and all the things I said reflected the things on her heart. Praise be to God. I know God worked on each and everyone of the people's hearts tonight. We must pray, and we must seek his face. We must grow closer to God in our intimacy with Him each day.

God is good!

So wow! Here's a brief recap of the rest of the week.

Monday and Tuesday were really hard. Didn't get much done. Felt really isolated and closed off from God. Tuesday night was pretty crazy. As I was in my room about to go to bed, I saw some shadows on my wall that shouldn't have been there. I discerned that they may have been some evil spirits. Earlier that morning, I saw a figurine in my trophy case from China that I thought might be cursed or something, but I didn't do anything about it. When I saw those shadows, I went through my house and threw out all things that were associated with other religions and other symbols and figurines that may have been cursed. I found a calendar, two creepy looking Native American figures, and two Chinese figurines. I destroyed them and prayed over my house and my room, and the shadows that I saw before were no longer there. It was pretty intense.

The weekend was pretty crazy. Friday was my first day back from my personal retreat. That day, our youth group got together and we had evangelism training because the next day was Filipino Independence Day. It was cool because we worshipped and prayed for about an hour and we practiced a skit that they would perform at Independence Day. They did the human video for the song "Everything" by Lifehouse. Man every time they went through it, I started tearing up a little bit, that song is so powerful! So I trained them in sharing their story and in the Knowing God Personally booklet and stuff. It was cool. They were so receptive and respectful. Afterwards, we just hung out together and had fun. It was great getting to know my youth group better, especially the newer ones since I have been gone so long while in school and stuff.

Saturday was Filipino Independence Day at ASU West. We had a pretty cool table set up, we did some sharing, and we performed a song and the human video to "Everything." Earlier that morning, I prayer walked around the building we were in a few times and just asked God to show up. There were a lot of Filipinos from all around the community. The highlight for me was going up to share with a guy sitting alone by himself. A friend and I talked to him for a while and we actually found out that some our youth talked to him and did a survey earlier with him. So I just talked to him and got to know him better. He was so open, and he shared a lot of pain and brokenness he had experienced. He had just moved to Arizona a week before, so he was new to everything. We ended up praying for him, and we asked him to hang out with us. We ended up meeting his mom and everything as well. Later, he complained of a headache, and I had the chance to pray for that as well. After I prayed for him, he said he was feeling a lot better!

So he hung out together with us at our table, and we ended up inviting him to go tubing down the salt river with our youth group, and to come to church. He ended up doing both! He came to church with us on Sunday, and he went with our youth group to watch Kung Fu Panda - phenomenal movie by the way. And today, he went tubing down the salt river with us! Praise God! Thank you for opening up an opportunity to talk to this friend! Thank you for giving me boldness to go to talk to Him. God, bless His life, and may he continue to closer to you as he spends time with our church and youth group.

So ya, that leaves Sunday. Sunday was cool too. That night, we had a family devotion with my parents and brother. It was really really good! There was so much healing and restoration that took place there. My family was able to confess and be really honest and open with each other. We were able to pray together and basically we were talking til almost 3 in the morning. It kind of ended on an awkward note as we prayed. Believe it or not, after such a good experience, I was kind of in a bad mood.

I didn't really know why. But this bad mood from Sunday really carried on to my not so good days on Monday and Tuesday. I realized that I had a lot of bitterness and resentment towards my family devotions of the past because growing up they were bad experiences. Satan was trying to use the past against me to affect the present - even though the present was really good. God really convicted my heart of a lot of things, and spending more time with God has really helped me to get on the right track.

So ya, the week before that was my time alone with God. So much happened there. I wish I could fully explain everything that happened. But God showed up for me in by really convicting my heart of my need to slow down and my need to love. I had dreams every night I was there, which is crazy because I normally don't remember dreams. But God has really been working on my heart and convicting me of my need to love.

I thank God for the experiences He has put me through. It has definitely been an interesting last couple of weeks, but God has been sovereign in all circumstances. I have learned so much in the last few weeks that I don't think I would have been able to learn unless I had really slowed down and stopped to listen to God's voice. He has truly been good to me!

Thank you Lord for you love. Thank you for your presence. I give to you my whole heart and all that I am. Use me for your glory. Humble my heart and rid me of my pride. All of my earthly rewards and honor are from you and they all pale in comparison to your matchless glory and fame. God give me the heart of Paul where I can consider everything of this earth to be loss as I seek to find satisfaction of knowing and delighting in you alone. God you are my first love. I love you because you first loved me. May I never forget your matchless love. My desire is to know your heart and make your love known to my generation. I want to know the things you love and hate the things you hate. May I be a man of God that is first a lover and then a worker. May I strive to fulfill the Great Commission only in first seeking to fulfill the Great Commandment. Intimacy with you - that is what my heart thirsts for.