The end of chapter, the start of a new!

Wow! What a summer it's been so far! God is truly amazing and is doing some awesome things in my life and in the people around me. I'm especially excited today because I officially ended my extended fast! Yay! I made it. God has definitely been with me throughout this process. 40 days later and many pounds lighter, I am glad to have been able to embark on such an exciting adventure that God invited me to do with him. Fasting use to be something that was kind of foreign to me and seemed so difficult at first, but having just completed my first 40 day fast, I am amazed by what God has revealed to me and is still revealing. By human and physical standards, I am grossly underweight and look physically weak and twig-like, but the reality is that although I haven't slept much late or ate at all, I feel great!

I know that it has truly been God who has sustained me during this time. There is no way that by my own strength or will I would be sitting here happy and excited to see what God's next adventure might be. It has definitely been a tough road there were days that I wanted to quit; there were days I would be so dizzy I felt like falling every time I stood up. But God was in control and with Him in every situation and circumstance. I myself have a hard time thinking I made it this far. It seems like its was just yesterday when I started.

At times, I have been really hard on myself because I didn't feel like I met all the expectations that I was hoping for or looking for. I feel like maybe I could have done better or prayed more; and in reality, maybe I could have. But what God really showed me is stop living up to my own plans and expectations and start looking at God's master plan. God's plan is so huge; it's hard to fathom what he might be doing. Though I have been kind of hard on myself at times, I came to the realization that if God wasn't really with me during this time, I probably would be physically ill and in the hospital or something. I lost about 20 pounds. That's definitely not healthy. But physically and spiritually, I feel that there has been breakthrough in ways that I am not able to see or even yet realize.

Oftentimes, I feel like I compare myself to others and their experiences. I was expecting some crazy revelation or Holy Spirit moment. I wanted to feel something crazy. But God was really showing me that it's not about the feeling, it's about my faith. It's not about my plans and expectations. It's about his greater plan.

Today, my friend Sara and I were talking and just wondering about what must be going on in the spiritual realm right now. I mean physically we are not always able to see the fruits of our efforts, our fasts right away in a tangible sense. But what is going on in the spiritual realm right now? How is our mere presence affecting those around us because of the presence of God that is with us? Who's lives could be possibly be influencing by just being in a random place where God takes us? It's crazy to think about the impact that our lives could be having on other people and strangers through our presence in a place. What is this spiritual warfare we have been doing through prayer and fasting done for us in the spiritual realm? What will be it's affect when we go to Japan?

I can only sit and speculate about these questions. But if there is one thing that I am beginning to better understand and see is the crazy ways that God's answers our prayers, and just the power of prayer in general. Every time, I have prayed for spiritual breakthrough whether for church camp or prayer meetings, God has showed up in a mighty way. Some of the reasons that I fasted these past 40 days is for personal spiritual breakthrough, breaking through barriers, and spiritual preparation for Japan. I just wonder what God is going to do in the days that are to come.

Like, I said it was easy to get discouraged at times because wasn't showing up in the ways that I initially expected. But I realized today talking to Sara that maybe it's not about the results and expectations during the fast; maybe it is about the lasting benefits that will happen afterwards. I know that 's true. And on the other hand, I know that I could have fasted "better," and been more intentional and persistent in certain areas. But I know that I can't beat myself over it and be discouraged. This time has definitely been a learning experience, and huge stepping stone in growing in my intimacy with God.

Having completed this 40 day fast, my eyes have been opened in a lot of ways. I was more sensitive to the Holy Spirit and saw a lot of new things. But one of the biggest things that I realized is that I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can look back at this experience and remember God's faithfulness to me in my weakness and my failures. It's puts a whole new perspective on things because I can see that if through God's strength I can go without food for 40 days, I can handle whatever circumstance that is placed in my life by putting my trust in God.

Ultimately, I have realized that though this is a monumental experience in my life, it is only the beginning. I have made huge strides, but I see that there is still more progress needed. I am still a work in progress. It's a long journey ahead. But I'm excited about what's next. If God is for me, who can be against me?

Today, even started difficult. I slept really late just praying because God was leading me to pray. Then I woke up really early because my brother didn't finish packing his stuff for church camp and what not. And through all these circumstances, God was revealing to me faults. I had failed to do some of the things he asked me to do, especially in discipleship and accountability with my brother. That morning I also heard heart-breaking stories about difficult circumstances for some of my youth. I was truly heart-broken and devastated in a lot of ways. I felt like I had failed God and just wanted to seek his forgiveness. It wasn't how I envisioned the last day of my fast. But God, again was showing me the areas that still needed work on. There's been much progress, but still a lot of work.

But the journey doesn't seem as daunting anymore. I mean it still does in a lot of ways, but looking back, it puts everything back in perspective. So as I end one chapter of my life and begin another, I am excited to see what God has in store next. I am really excited to see what happens in Japan. I am really excited to see what happens this week. I am really glad that my friend Sara is here. She has really encouraged me in finishing my fast and helped pick me up when I was down. It was awesome to be able to eat with her for the first time as I broke my fast. I was really happy and encouraged by her being able to celebrate that moment with me.

Oh, God your are good. Today, Sara and I also talked about what the future might look like in our personal ministries. I think it is interesting that she has a heart for 24 hour prayer, went to prayer internship in Kansas, and just finished reading Pete Greig's book Red Moon Rising. I, on the other hand, have a heart for simple churches, am going to a simple church conference in August, and just finished reading Jaeson Ma's book the Blueprint. The 24 hour prayer movement and the simple church movement are closely connected and need each other to move forward in God's greater plan. It's crazy to see how God is raising up different student leaders all across the nations who have similar passions and pursuits that God alone has placed on their hearts.

It's truly a mystery as to what God's greater picture looks like. It's definitely bigger than our wildest imagination. But it's awesome to think that I get to play a small part in God's greater plan, yet the parts we will all play will be entirely significant. It's exciting. Let's seize the day, and pray for God to continue you to raise up laborers to carry out His will for our world! Yay Jesus! Yay Revival! Such big plans and things in store for us, but right now we take it one step at a time. It's the closing of a chapter, and the beginning of a new one. Each day let's grow intimately closer with our Creator as we petition to bring heaven onto earth and hasten the day of the overflow of His presence in our campuses, cities, nations.

God, you are God of love, creativity, of joy. In our failures and our successes, you remain faithful and steadfast. Thank you for your mercy, for you love, for you grace. Thank you for raising up a generation of students, of revolutionaries, of lovesick worshippers who will passionately pursue your kingdom to the point of death.

Lord, may our actions and behavior not merely an act or a show, but may it be a true heartfelt indicator of the desires of our heart. May we learn to be satisfied in you, and you alone. May we fall deeper in love with you each and every moment. May our heart's desire be to delight in you and you alone. May we never forget our first love. May our pursuits never be motivated by structure or vision in and of itself. May our pursuit be solely this: to know your presence and make your presence known. We desire to know your love and make your love known to our generation and the generations who come beyond us. We want to know your heart - to know what you love; to hate what you hate.

May we never lose intimacy with you. May you give us a heart of compassion, a genuine heart of love. May we cry passionately and confess on behalf of the sins of ourselves, our families, our churches, our nations - our generation. We want to see heaven on earth. Fill this earth your glory. Raise up your worshippers, your intercessors. We want to see your apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers. We want to see a generation who is so in love with. They would willingly give up their lives for the sake of their brothers and sisters - the sake of making your love known. I want to be in your presence, be your child, be your lover.

On this father's day, may we forever know of the father's love for us. Make us keenly aware of the passion you have for us. May you raise up a generation of men who will be faithful and obedient to you. May I be a man of external and internal integrity. May my outward behavior be a genuine reflection of my heart. Change me from the inside out. I am tired of worrying and seeking my own plans and expectations. Lord, I desire complete surrender - complete satisfaction you and you alone. Use me to be a fireseed for this generation.

Raise up the laborers Lord. We humble ourselves before you and we cry, HERE WE ARE SEND US! We will be your Nameless, Faceless generation. WE will be the passionate, lovesick worshippers. We desire to have a heart of David. Make us to be people who have hearts after your own hearts. God this generation is yours. Abortion cannot stop us. The economy will not bring us down. We are more than conquerors in you, and through your love we will change the world for your name. Teach us to desire your presence - to commit to our priorities. We want to love you with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. All praise, glory, and honor belongs to you and you alone! In Jesus mighty name, Amen!