Stepping Forward

So I'm here back in my home in good 'ol Arizona. It's been difficult to get back into the swing of things. I want to share all my stories and all my experiences, but my mind is all over the place. So many things to think over. So many decisions to make. Sometimes I feel paralyzed by the weight of decisions that rest before me. There are decisions about school, business, and life. I feel like I am at another crossroads at my life where the next step I take is crucial in shaping my future. I built such a solid foundation this past summer and have grown so much from my experiences. And all of those experiences have led to this. I wish I could elaborate more and get more specific. But I'm sure we've all gone through these seasons in our life. We experience great joy and growth in one season. This all leading to a climax in which we must decide how we are going to take that experience and put it into practical use.

It has been a difficult journey. It's been a roller coaster adventure of ups and downs. Along the way, I have experienced conflicting emotions which has led to confusion, frustration, and, at times, paralysis. But a season of breakthrough is coming. And with that season of breakthrough is a season of refreshment. But before seasons of refreshing come seasons of refinement. So here I am in this season of refinement. God has been showing me a lot, and now I am in the position where I must respond. Like I said, it's not easy to respond when the decisions I'm faced with have lasting consequences. But I'm excited and hopeful, for I know that God has all things in His hands. So I'll be patient, and I'll wait for Him to guide me step by step.

So anyway, my brother has really been encouraging me to start writing with him. And for the last couple of days we have been doing some writing sessions. It has been the first time in a long time that I've really tried more free-flowing, creative writing. But it definitely has been therapeutic. Today, I was able to vent out some of the frustrations I have felt in trying to re-adjust back to life at home and no longer being on the road. It's great to be back home and hang out with my brother and my family. Yet, again, it's hard to deal with all the things in my mind that I must process at the same time.

But anyhoo, I wanted to share this piece I wrote up tonight with the encouragement of my brother (Thanks bro!) that really just speaks to coping with confusions and frustrations of dealing with the low points we experience in our lives after we experience points of exponential growth and happiness. In the midst of darkness and uncertainty, we must take the next step forward and trust that God is lighting our path and guiding each step of the way.

“Stepping Forward”:

An ode to the valleys we all face after times of great joy. There is a time and a season for everything. Take a step forward and reach out, for there is something greater yet to come– something more.

Psalm 23:4 – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff comfort me.”

This one goes out to my brothers and sisters who are struggling.
Keep your head up for the light of day is coming.

Confusion. Frustration. I am at a loss for words.
I sit here wondering, what is this all for?
Is this life? Is this what it’s supposed to be.
We’re living in a world that’s only looking out for “me.”

Emptiness. It surrounds me all around.
Suffocating me ‘til I hit the ground.
Knocked out of my senses and my sense of worth
I wonder to myself, is this the reason for my birth?

Restless. I don’t know where to go.
I thought I had the answers, but they all proved to be a joke.
I thought I knew it all. I was at the top of my game.
Then it all came crashing down in one single frame

Awakened. A new dawn. A brand new day.
All I want is to brush my pain away.
I’m tired of confusion. I’m tired of the lies.
I’m tired of hiding behind the masks and smiles.
On the outside is a glimmer. On the inside hides the pain.
Will the rays of the sun soon dispel the darkness away?

Resolution. There must be some sort of remedy.
All this pain and anguish must not be meant to be.
There must be something better. Something more than this.
The damage I’ve collected can’t be easily dismissed.

Yearning. For something. Something more than this.
Day by day continues; ignorance offers me no bliss.
The clock is ticking. The hours rushing by
With moments of anxious waiting and agonizing lies.

Truth. Tomorrow brings a new day.
But why wait for tomorrow when the moment is today.
The moment of truth, is it finally here?
All you have to do is open up your ears
Listen to the raindrops. Let loose your tears.
Take heart my friend, for times of refreshing are near.

Realization. There is more than life to this.
The new day offers solace from our ignorance.
Step out of the darkness. Step into the light.
The moment is here and now. Don’t put up a fight.
Let go of yesterday. Let go of today and tomorrow.
Uncertainty is okay for your steps are numbered farther.

Psalm 90:12 -The Lord teaches us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Our life is short; our next step uncertain.

But there is a promise to those who delight in God’s way.
There is no fear; there is no reason for shame.
Even when we stumble and fall, take a step forward once more.
For the steps of those who hope in God are established by the Lord.
(Psalm 37:23-24)