Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

Gotta love them....

Seriously though, decisions are a big deal. I think people's response to them really reflects a lot about a person. My head is swirling through a range of possibilities, scenarios and what not as I ready myself to make a big decision. But if there is one thing that I can glean from this whole situation is that decisions can really bring you closer not only to God but to those around you who you love and respect. In just the last 3 hours, I have had some of the most intentional and intimate conversations I have ever had with the some of the most important people to me. Though I am still struggling to come to terms with this decision, I feel like I have experienced transformation myself in just the last three hours as I have come face to face with grappling with this issue with people I love. I have learned so much about the myself and so much about the people I have shared with. I have realized how much they truly love me, trust me, and support me. I think that to me has been one of the most significant things that I can take from this situation. Regardless, of what I decide and what other people's opinions are, I think I can be at peace knowing that people genuinely care about me and want the best for me. Ultimately, the decisions we make are between us and God; however, in this process, I have learned the beauty of what it looks like to invite other people into the process. You get to grapple through things together, and I think it really pushes everyone involved to truly seek the heart of God.

Anyway, on a lighter night note, I got to go out to the lake today and spend some time with God. My discipleship group went out and spent a few hours in the wilderness hearing from God. It was a little distracting at first, and at times, I got frustrated because I really wanted to have some more clarity from God. I was a little disappointed at first, but after thinking about the situation, I am beginning to see a little more of what God was speaking. I think at times I really want to see something spectacular and amazing from, and in doing so, I sometimes fail to see the more subtle things He wants to show me - like just enjoying time to rest and relax with Jesus! But anyhoo, I decided to read through Song of Solomon again. It's such a cool book to read in seeing Jesus' love for the church. Anyway, I was reminded of the significant of these passages once again.

Here they are:

Song of Solomon 4:9 "You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes."
Song of Solomon 6:5 "Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me."

In these two passages, the bridegroom is speaking and he is referring to the beauty of the bride's eyes. The bridegroom represents Jesus and the bride represents the church. I heard Brian Kim talking about this passage over the summer, and he put it something like this: God is so madly in love with us that when we just glance our eyes towards Him, His heart is captivated and He is overwhelmed by it. Can you even imagine that? When we lock eyes with the God of the universe for just one split second, we blow Him away. That is how much Jesus is in love with us. The crazy thing is that we are so dirty and despicable on our own doing. But because of what Jesus did for us, He sees us as absolutely beautiful. He is captivated by us and overwhelmed by just one glance. I can't even come to terms with this. It's like walking through the mall, and catching the eye of that beautiful guy or girl for that brief moment as you pass each other and your heart just melts. God's heart does that every time we lock eyes for just a little bit.

Now, can you imagine what it would look like if we locked our eyes on him for more than just a moment? How would God react if our eyes were permanently locked on His? What would that mean for our life and for the decisions we make? Now consider this. What would it look like if our entire generation locked eyes with Jesus? What would happen then? If God is delighted by a single glance of our eyes catching one another, what do you think he feels when our entire generation locks our eyes steadfastly with His eyes? We can only speculate, but I believe God is inviting this generation into something special, and He is giving the invitation for this generation to lock eyes with Him.

Lets put the verses in Song of Solomon in perspective with the verse from 2 Chronicles 20:12 that God has recently placed on my heart. 2 Chronicles 20:12 states, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." Wow, this verse changes completely for me after putting it into context with the verses from Song of Solomon. No wonder God showed up and saved Jehoshaphat and the people of Judah from certain destruction at the hands of the Moabites and Ammonites. The people of Judah finally placed their eyes on the eyes of God and when this happened, God did not refuse. He provided them a way of salvation and answered their prayers. I believe that this is what God is calling our generation to do. I believe that God is calling specifically the young ones of this generation to heed to this calling. The things God is calling us to might be absurd and unrealistic according to the standards of this world. We may be torn by the decisions we are faced with. But in the end, my heart's desire is to lock my eyes on Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weigh, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who or the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God."

God, I have no idea what to do, but my eyes are on you. I pray that you would send your spirit and bring clarity to the things you have placed on my heart. But even more so, as I wrestle with this decision, I want to lift up the situation that is even bigger than my own. God, I pray that you would raise up a generation of believers who will set their eyes on you. God, may we strip off all the things of this world that are hindrances to what you desire, and may we look straight into your eyes and peer deep into your heart. God, we want the desires of your heart. Lord, as we stare into your eyes, may we know the things of you heart. Forgive us for putting anything in front of you, O God. God, we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. We love you Lord. In Jesus Name, Amen.