Thoughts on the election

So I have had a couple of days to process the things that happened at TheCall this weekend and a little time to think about what happened during the election. Before this election season and especially before TheCall, I really didn't have too much interest in politics. I knew that it was important, but I was, for the most part, pretty apathetic and ignorant. I didn't really know about the issues or the significance of them. After going to TheCall, God began to really impress to me the significance of certain issues. I never realized why abortion and homosexual marriage were such a big deal. I never really realized how abortion is so close to God's heart because, in essence, the blood of 50million babies are crying out to God for justice. Similarly, the first institution that God mandates in the Bible is that of marriage. God ordained marriage through Adam and Eve, and we must protect that. When I was at TheCall, I didn't really recognize the full significance to what was happening to me. But God broke my heart for the issues of abortion and homosexual marriage, and I began to realize how close they are to his heart.

Although the election of Obama as the new president brings to question what will happen with the issues of abortion and homosexual marriage in America, there is no question that God is ultimately the one in control. It is great to see the nation experience much healing and racial reconciliation with the election of Obama. What was a dream for so many fighting for civil rights years ago is now a reality. Seeing so many people crying tears of joy on Tuesday was an encouraging sight. I didn't really recognize the significance of it then. Watching Obama's speech, I wasn't really sure how to feel. But seeing the responses of ethnic minorities especially the Black American population is a telling sign of the healing that has taken place in many peoples hearts. History was made on Tuesday, and we were all a part of it. In my Asian Pacific American class today, my professor talked about the significance of Tuesday's election. He talked about how we must remember what we were doing on that day because it will be talked about for generations to come. No matter who you sided with, history was made.

Though there are still many questions left still answered, it is encouraging to see the younger generation play an active part in the election. I think some statistics show that college age students accounted for about 20% of the overall voting percentages. It is amazing to see how our generation has responded to such a historic election. Things brings so many thoughts to my mind. On one hand, I am excited that the younger generation values and sees the importance of this election. On the other hand, it is also eye-opening to realize the reality of the student population on our universities. While it is great that university students are voting, I also began remembering that our universities today are composed of only about 3-4% of Christians. So what this seems to show is that our generation is becoming more socially active and aware. This is great, but where are the Christians in all this? What the Christian students doing to be a part of this phenomenon?

What makes me interested is the level of excitement and enthusiasm that so many college students have right now with the election of Obama. As I walked through campus today, I heard so many conversations of people who were in good spirit because of the new election. This generation of younger voters really care. They are socially active and care about the change that they desire for this nation. It's cool because when I think about these things from a larger perspective I realize that true change requires three important aspects: Revival, Reformation, Restoration. Revival is the tangible presence of God coming down and changing the hearts of people. Reformation is the socially active aspect that seeks to change society and maintain the spiritual shift that comes with revival. Restoration is the resurgence of the new testament church and the saturation of simple expressions of churches that exemplify true community.

Revival and Reformation go hand in hand. We cannot only have the hand of God come down and touch the hearts of people without our society changing. If corruption and lack of social justice continues in our nation, the revival we experience will be short lived. Thus, with this in mind, it is awesome to see the reformers being raised up. The younger generation is responding and wants to see change. But again where are the Christians? Where are the revivalists? It was great to go to Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego and worship and pray with thousands of others Christians. The revivalists are being raised up, but we still have a long way to go. While it was great to see so many people, the reality was that the stadium was nowhere near full. There is still so much more growth and desperation that is needed within the church.

We cannot expect to only fast and pray for a short period of time. We must live a lifestyle of praying and fasting. While it was great to fast and to pray as a nation, we cannot stop there. There is so much more that needs to be done. While at TheCall, Lou Engle made mention that while it was great to fast and pray on Saturday before the Tuesday election, the most important day was Wednesday. Wednesday was the most important day because it was the day that the true battle begins. We must continue the passion and the fervor. One man in office is not the solution to the problems. There is so much more prayer and fasting that needs to be done.

As Christians, we must become more desperate for God. We must consecrate ourselves and live a lifestyle of martyrdom - dying to ourselves through prayer and fasting. It is an intense, radical way of life. But it is a calling that God is inviting our generation to be a part. He is inviting us to be a part of a lovesick nameless, faceless army that will contend for revival in our nation. He is raising an army that seeks Christ as their lone satisfaction. It is an army who will be willing to give up the legitimate pleasures of the world for the extreme pleasures of knowing God. It's not a light calling, but this is what God is inviting us into if we truly want to see our nation transformed in revival and reformation. The reformers are starting to be awakened. Will the revivalists follow? How desperate are we for change? Will we seek God in prayer and fasting?

So ya, this Tuesday was significant for me. I want to hold onto and cherish those moments because I know I got to play an important role in what happened. Lately, I have been struggling with consistency and overall passion. I felt like I lost some of the passion that drove me to run hard after God over the summer. Yet after going to TheCall, I feel like God really began to revive me. On Sunday night, I couldn't get to bed. I was lying in my bed restless thinking about how frustrated I was with my own spiritual state. I wanted to get back to my first love. I wanted the passion in my heart to be rekindled. So that night as I lay in bed, I decided that I was going to run hard after God and return to my first love in hopes of rekindling that passion.

Over the weekend, Lou Engle sent out an email about how he was inviting people to take the Esther fast for the last three days before the election. The Esther fast was a fast in which Esther and the Jews did a fast for three days in which they had no water or food in order to petition to God to have mercy on them. I failed on Sunday in doing this, but I was so desperate to rekindle that passion and cry out for mercy on behalf of our nation that I decided to do it for the remaining days. I have fasted quite a bit in the past few months, but I have never not drank anything. It was so hard to do this kind of fast, and I only did it for a couple of days. The sensation of thirst is intense. I know it was God alone who sustained me. I remember pulling out my water bottle in class and opening it wanting to end the fast. But something inside me told me not to, so I put the water bottle away and I literally hungered and thirst for God. It was hard because that Monday I was so discouraged the whole day. It wasn't until going to the prayer house that night that I received some encouragement and got a new burst of excitement.

Fasting Tuesday was even harder, but I knew I needed to press in. I got to the prayer house and pray for the elections with one of my leaders from Crusade. We prayed for an hour or so and then we began praying for some different people who came to the prayer house. One person I prayed for was a member of another Christian ministry on campus. He was speaking that night and asked me to pray for him. As I prayed for him, God invigorated my spirit once again, and I began to pray passionately that God would move through him and bless his talk that night.

So fast forward to that night, I was watching CNN for a little bit and hanging out with some friends. I didn't feel comfortable there and so I decided to go the prayerhouse for a little bit and pray over the elections before the final results came in. So I was there praying for an hour or so, then I was going to go back home and do some homework. But as I left the prayerhouse, I felt like God was telling me to go the meeting of the student I prayed for that was giving the talk that night. So, I nervously walked to the place where the meeting was held. I hesitated at first, but finally, I knew I needed to go in because God really wanted me there. I walked in and there were like 6 people in the audience. It was kinda awkward at first, but I went in and saw some of my friends. I walked in late while they were doing worship, but they continued worshipping for a little while longer. At first my heart was not into it all, but as the worshippers prophetically sang and declared the love of God to the people in the room, the room filled up up with both more people and tangible presence of God.

It was an awesome experience. Then, the student I prayed for got up and gave his talk. He talked about our need to see the non-believers on our campus the way that Christ saw them. He pointed to how Stephen and Jesus loved people even in the face of being put to death. The only reason they could love in this situation was because they could see those who were persecuting them from the perspective of the Father's heart. It is so encouraging given the elections and the issues that face Christians today. As Christians, we cannot merely talk about the issues of abortion and homosexuality, we must do something about them. We must begin to love the homosexuals, those who have suffered pain through abortion, homeless, and the oppressed with the love of Christ.

So often we as the body of Christ have fallen short in being the hands and feet of Christ. We have failed to love because we ourselves have not experienced the tangible love of God. We must allow God to change our hearts to love the "unlovable." I believe that the only that this happens is when we Christ begins to change our heart through prayer. We must bow our hearts and bodies to God in prayer and ask him to change our hearts and see others through His eyes. I know that I have fallen short of this so many times. I have such a difficult time praying on my own because I find myself not really loving or caring for the people I care for. But I know that God is working on my heart and transforming to love others as he loves them.

So while at this meeting, the main leader gave a prophetic word about how November is a season of shifting and realignment. God is working people's hearts and is shifting them and realigning them into new areas. He also showed a cool video of prophetic word of the media revolution that would produce new music and movies that would impact society. The word made mention of Jerusalem, Phoenix, and Palm Springs as being hubs of this new media revolution.

Anyway, after this meeting, I walked back to my dorm just in time to see Obama give his speech. Like I said, I wasn't sure how to react at the time, but I knew that God's will was done regardless of the scenario. I ended my fast that night, and I felt kind frustrated with myself because I didn't see the results I wanted to see, and I didn't really break my fast the way I wanted to. I was kind of confused with the whole situation and frustrated at the same time. However, when I woke up the next day, I knew something was different. I realized that now more than ever we needed to pray and seek the face of God. I went to prayer house and prayed for the nation, but I realized I still didn't really know how to pray. I went back to my dorm, and one of my friends texted me that he had been doing some contemplative prayer and felt like God was saying this was an important day.

I sat and thought about the events that I had experienced in the past few days and realized that today was an important day because it was a day in which we were called to respond. The elections are over, but now the battle begins. Will we respond in desperation and cry out for God with even greater intensity than before? In the midst of the election and all that was going on, it was encouraging to see that Prop 8 in California, Prop 102 in Arizona, and another similar proposition was passed in Florida. These propositions make mention of making marriage between a man and a woman and make homosexual marriages illegal. It was amazing to see such a decision especially after we prayed so hard for these propositions while in California. It was great to see that God answered our prayers and worked on the hearts of the people. Yet there was also a grim reality than many states rejected legislation concerning ending abortion in a few states and another state, Washington, passed a proposition allowing doctor-assisted suicide.

So I feel like God was showing me that, He heard our prayers and answered them. However, there is still so much work to be done. God is looking for a people who are truly desperate and are truly committed to prayer and fasting to move the heart of God. We have a long way to go, but at the same time we have come so far.

Then tonight at Epic, I wasn't really sure what we were going to do. I knew that we should talk about the elections because the elections were a pretty big deal, and it was important for the church to respond. So it was amazing to be able to talk about the election and the issues that concerned as a group. Then, we began to cast vision of what revival would look like and how we would respond. We read through 2 Chronicles 7:14, and for the next hour we prayed the 2 Chronicles 7:14 prayer. Next, I had everyone break into groups and pray for one another. I didn't expect this go too long, but we ended up praying for one another for another hour! It was amazing to see a body of believers coming together to pray and encourage one another. God is truly restoring the church in front of my very eyes through Epic. It is amazing to see how people are beginning to realize how we are the church and the church is here to exhort one another, pray for the issues on God's heart, and move into action. God is doing something special here, and I feel so honored to be a part of this.

So ya, it's like 3 in the morning now. Some of what I typed may not make sense, but I really wanted to take some time to record these thoughts and memories before it was too late. These last few days have been so impactful to my life, and my life has been forever changed by the events of this past week. I never thought I would find myself caring so much about issues of politics and government. But these are important issues on God's heart, and He is slowly working on my heart to bring it in alignment with His own. Most significantly, I am learning all over again that intercession must begin with intimacy. Isaiah 62:6 talks about being watchmen in the night, but even before this, the preceding verses talk about the bridal paradigm. We must first have intimacy with Christ above all things.

I am learning all over again that it is not the things that I do that matter to God. It is my heart. I am learning to rest in God and find joy in my salvation. I am learning all over again that I must not work to see revival or breakthroughs. Above all else, our greatest reward is knowing Christ and knowing His love. When we first go back to the simple devotion and love for Christ, He will give us the fuel and the passion to pray and intercede for the things that are on His heart. Today, before Epic I got to walk around the park with God and just remember the days of hungering for more of God. It's all about simplicity. The simplicity of intimacy with our Heavenly Father.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008, was a big deal in the history of the world. I am so thankful that I got to play a part of it. God used it to change not only my life but reinvigorate my heart and allow me to get one step closer to understanding his heart and recognizing the importance of simple devotion.

God, I am tired right now, but I am so thankful for everything that you are doing in my heart. I pray that you would raise up a generation of lovesick worshippers who pursue you with reckless abandon. Raise up the revivalists and the reformers who will have a passion to see your name be lifted high in this generation and the generation to come. Raise up your generation with a passion to say, "Give us this nation, or we would rather die." God give us a passion that consumes us - a passion that seeks to know your love above all else. May you alone be our source of satisfaction. May we remember that You are our great reward, and above all else nothing compares to the prize of seeking your face and knowing your beauty. In Jesus Name, Amen!

TheCall and other miscellaneous shenanigans

So, I've tried to write this blog like three times, and I failed in doing so the first few times. So I am trying again now that I am re-energized by some Jesus loving at all campus worship tonight. Man, I have been unbelievably frustrated in the last few days, weeks, etc. I have been frustrated at a lot of things, but tonight I got to experience the refreshment of God's love thanks to one of my brothers in Christ who really lifted me up today with some awesome words of encouragement. So ya now that my mind is experiencing a lot more clarity and peace, I'm going to try to recap some of the crazy things that have happened in the past couple weeks or so.

I went to TheCall California this weekend. It was intense - as you would probably expect from 12 hours of fasting and praying. I had a lot of mixed feelings during the event. Like at times I was really into it and a lot of times I wasn't. It was kinda hard because I think I may have been expecting things for myself that weren't necessarily what God wanted for me. But in the end, I know that God showed up in amazing ways, and I am very glad that I had the opportunity to be there. Being at TheCall really opened up my eyes to the importance of intercession for our nation, our society, our families, our generation. It was so awesome to see so many lovesick worshippers crying out to God.

Oh ya, one thing that really made me happy was that I got to see Daniel, Albert, and Howie after TheCall. I got to go out to eat with Daniel and catch up some. It was like a mini-Epic reunion. And it made my heart happy. So I forgot to mention this when I first wrote my blog, but it was so important to my happiness that I had to go back and edit this into my blog. So it might be kind of random, but it makes me happy so that's all that matters.

Oh and another thing, I got prayed for by someone who had been delivered by a lot of sexual sins and other things while we prayed against sexual immorality in America. His prayer really encouraged me, and it was cool to be surrounded by so many believers. The worship was really awesome too. At the end of the service, there was lots of awesome dancing going on - undignified style. It was legit!

One point that really sticks out to me is when Lou Engle gave his vision of a series of 40 day fasts in California. He has a vision of different ethnic groups such as Chinese, Latino, Korean etc. and other groups such as the Catholics and university students joining together to do a series of 7 forty day fasts throughout the year in the upcoming year. Next, a guy came up and marveled at the vision Lou came. He was so inspired not only by the vision but by the response of the people. The guy speaking stated that he knew God was on the move on the hearts of people because if wasn't all the people would think Lou Engle was crazy for thinking that 7 forty day fasts was even feasible. And how true is that? How crazy is it that there are pockets of people in America that are so sold out for Jesus that the thought of 7 forty day fasts is even conceivable. God definitely is on the move in peoples hearts, and it is an exciting time to see people laying down the things of the world for things of God.

I guess I sometimes forget how much God is really moving in our nation and in peoples' lives. I am so used to moving at a fast rate that I get frustrated when I don't see what I expect. I get frustrated when people don't catch God's vision for simple church planting and 24hr prayer. I get frustrated when people don't excited about the move of God or aren't aware of the amazing things He is doing around the nation and around the world. I often find myself getting in this elitist mindset of thinking that I know and have more than others. I get frustrated and even angry at others sometimes. Also, lately my attitude has been so volatile. Some days I will be really happy and excited, and most other days I am really frustrated and upset at the situations around me, others, and myself. One thing God was really showing me and working on my heart at the Call was this issue of being up and down in my attitude and my overall feelings. I have realized that when I am with crazy, Jesus loving people, I usually am pretty happy and upbeat. However, when I am around Christians who are not so high on Jesus, I find myself being dragged down by their temperament. I am really frustrated by this because lately instead of helping others see the awesomeness of Jesus, I am brought down by their lack of passion. I find that this translates into my frustration with the church.

Lately, I can't really go to organized church or even a lot of other Christian events like my Campus Crusade weekly meetings. It is not that I have anything against these ministries. I love what God is doing there, and I know there has been so much progress there. However, I feel such an emptiness and feel brought down sometimes when I go to these events. This is part of what I'm talking about when I say that my temperament has been up and down. It's like I sense the lack of Holy Spirit power and instead of bringing the Holy Spirit, I feel emotionally drained and frustrated by what's going. I find myself drawn to the 24-7 prayer house and to my Epic simple church because I see community being developed there, and I see edification of the body of Christ. Again, it is not like these things are not happening in organized church or weekly meetings, but I feel such a frustration towards these things right now because I have not been able to find the balance between ministering and ministering toward others. I have not been able to find the balance of holding on to my joy in every situation.

As you can see, it's a really weird season for me. I am having a hard time really keeping myself together. I feel like I am working too hard sometimes to see breakthrough when God just wants me to rest in His love for me. I feel like I am constantly attacked by lies and worries over many things. I am frustrated by these things that afflict me. But at the end of the day, God is inviting me to remember that He loves me with an everlasting love and that there is nothing I need to do experience the fullness of this love. I was really encouraged by one of my brothers in Christ today as he encouraged me and really reminded me that God was proud of me and loved me even in my frustration and anxiety. I know I must surrender all to him and allow Him to have all of me for all of Him.

Anyway back to TheCall. So the trip was pretty exhausting. My group left at 4:00Am on Saturday and got to San Diego at 9:40am. Prayer and worship went on from 10am to 10pm. It was craziness. Then, my group needed to leave right away, so after getting some food, we left around 12:30am and got back to Phoenix at around 6:30am. I had to drive from like 1:30 til we got home. I was driving on like one hour of sleep and so ya it was pretty exhausting. I got home and ended up sleeping from like 7:30am until 5:00pm that night. But the trip was worth every hour of lost sleep and the exhaustion that came with it. I am still trying to process everything that happened. And even though I can't put a finger on it right now, I know that God awakened and maybe even started something new in my heart.

So throughout the day, we prayed for various issues. It was really cool because a lot of the issues that were prayed for dealt with racial reconciliation. It was amazing to see groups like Asian Americans, Latinos, Black Americans, Native Americans etc go up and pray for the nation. It was so cool to see Catholics and Protestants and so many other diverse groups come together and pray for the nation. People were able to put away any sectarian differences and come together for the common pursuit of knowing and loving Jesus. It was so great to see these different groups cry out to God. It was especially moving to see the Latino community worship and cry out. There cries were so vibrant and so passionate. It is great to see the Latino community being raised up to fight against injustice and proclaim the love of God.

Dr. James Dobson and his wife Shirley were there. They are the founders of Focus on the Family. It was so awesome to see such amazing men and women of God at this event. It really reflected the oneness of heart that is being developed among leaders in America. It was so cool to see these two influential people supporting what God was doing that Saturday in San Diego. Many people made mention that being at TheCall on that Saturday was the most important place to be at in light of the upcoming elections. The stadium was filled with lots of people. It was hard to gauge how many people there because there were lots of people on the field and many more others scattered throughout the stadium seats. There were so many influential Christian leaders. It was so cool to see influential Christian leaders whose names are well-known come together really just humble themselves and give all glory to God.

Like I said, the event was kind of weird for me at times because I felt like my heart was hardened at times. I don't know if it was really hardened, but a lot of the issues we prayed for didn't really hit hard in my heart at times. I think some of this was because of issues I mentioned before. Anyways, this really made me appreciate those who have been battling in intercession for years, and it really encourages me to press into intimacy with God that He may give me strength and fuel to continue in intercession. Yet in the midst of this mentality, God really broke my heart as we began to pray over abortion.

I haven't really felt this broken over an issue in a really long time. But as we prayed, God broke my heart for the babies who lost their lives. I began to weep uncontrollably as the Holy Spirit moved my heart for these babies. It's crazy because I used to think that abortion was not that big of a deal when I was younger. But lately, I have really come to realize the magnitude of this issue. Without the ending of abortion, we will never see revival in America because the shed of innocent bloodshed invokes a curse on our nation. But throughout the entire day of prayer, it was really the issue of abortion that hit my heart had. Like I said, I didn't' really experience the Holy Spirit in maybe what I would have expected. But through this process of breaking my heart for the issue of abortion, I know that God really was present and doing something in my heart and in my life that I have yet to really understand or see the fullness of.

Some of the coolest and really inspiring parts of TheCall were when Jesse Engle came up and just poured out his heart and his vision for the emerging generation. It was awesome to be part of the younger generation that was there. A lot of the stuff that was prayed over had to do with things that seemed like they were more for adults. Not that praying and political issues were only for adults, but the way they were presented seemed to be the older generation. Yet, when the younger generation came up and worshipped and prayed, it was such a dynamic experience. It's so awesome to see a younger generation so passionated for Christ. It's amazing to hear their testimonies and their prayers for the emergence of an even younger generation of lovesick worshippers.

In addition to all this were the crazy testimonies of deliverance. There were those delivered from drugs and sexual immorality. There were stories of those struggling with homosexuality who had supernatural encounters with Christ and turned their lives around. It's awesome to hear about the the 24/7 prayer house in San Francisco dedicated to praying for the deliverance and salvation of homosexuals and others who are oppressed in San Francisco. God definitely began breaking my heart for the homosexual community and the sanctity of marriage. I feel like God really opened my heart and my mind to see the importance of intercession for the government and political arena.

I guess the part that was really special for me was when Jaeson Ma came out and prayed for the Asian American population and talked about revival on campuses. He talked about how Bill Bright and Billy Graham were mentored by Henrietta Mears and took the burning heart contract in which they made a convenient with one another and with God to contend for revival on the campuses. Jaeson also talked about how Bill Bright prophesied that the next campus revival would occur when Koreans and other Asian Americans gathered together and prayed for revival on the campus. He prayed that God would impart fire into our hearts and raise up a generation of Asian Americans that would contend for revival on campus. He also talked about how God was calling university students to fast for 40 days in 2009. It was a pretty powerful experience to see Jaeson Ma and Brian Kim impart their fire and passion for Christ onto the Asian Americans and universities students in general. It was definitely pretty awesome to be part of that experience.

I pray that God would continue to raise up a generation of Asian Americans and other university students to take on the initiative of praying and fasting for breakthrough on our campuses. It is so exciting to see what God wants to do and how others are beginning to respond to this calling. I am so inspired to see others being raised up this call and responding passionately to what God is doing in this generation.

So ya, it's been an interesting journey this past few weeks. I was supposed to go to California with the Filipino club the week before, but somethings came up that discouraged from going. In the end, I was able to go home for the weekend and spend some much needed time with the family. It was so awesome to be able hang out, go shopping with them, and eat some good food. I got some new glasses, new shoes, and my ring engraved. I got a covenant ring to signify my commitment to what God is doing in this generation, but that's a different story in itself. But anyway, last weekend was cool to be able to rest and connect with the family. It is such a blessing to have a loving family who shows so much love and support. I am so thankful to God for that blessing, and it is something that I never want to take for granted.

So my California Adventure was kind of derailed a bit, but in the end, I know it was for the best. I know I need to still kind of process everything that has happened, and it's going to take some time. But I know God did some awesome things in my life, and when I get through this season of frustration and hardships, I know that it will begin to make more sense.

On a lighter note, my discipleship group went sharing today. We were praying for insight into who we should talk to. One of the guys in my group said he had an image of a guy with a blond hair, a blue shirt, khaki pants, and that maybe his name was kyle. There was four of us in the group and so we divided in twos. So two of us started walking around looking for who we should talk to. Neither of us really got much insight on who to talk to, so we kind of just started asking God to point us in the right direction. We went towards the library and started talking to someone we knew for Crusade. As were talking to him, I pointed out to my friend a guy who I thought might fit the description given by my other friend. He was wearing a blue shirt and khaki pants and had blond hair. As he was walking past us, my friend yelled, "Kyle." At first, I was kind of confused that my friend knew the guy walking by. But then I realized that he was just saying the name that my other friend mentioned while praying. The guy stopped and looked at us. My friend then asked if his name was Kyle, and the guy was like "ya, my name is Kyle." I started laughing. Haha....seriously, God is crazy man. Everything that my friend got in prayer was made known right before even right down to his name. That's pretty intense. I haven't seen anything that specific happen before, but it was a cool little encouragement from God. Kyle was on his way out, but we got to pray for him and encourage him. He said he went to Navigators a couple of times, so ya, pray that God gets Him good! Woot!

But ya, I need to go sleep now. That's always a good thing. But with the elections at large, God put on my heart to pray Luke 18 - the parable of the persistent widow. In the midst of political uncertainty and corrupt leadership, God says in Psalm 118:8-9, "It is better take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge than to trust princes." Even though there is so much uncertainty with the upcoming elections, we must trust that God knows best and is always faithful to provide. He demonstrates this in Luke 18.


Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men.
And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off ? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

God hears our prayers and is faithful to provide for in our persistence. God will provide for us and will answer our prayers when we seek him day and night. As the elections are rapidly approaching in the next day, we must press in and seek God in prayer. It was mentioned tonight at the prayer house that these upcoming elections don't only affect the next 4 years but the next 40 years. We must pray that God has mercy on our nation. God is a God who delights in mercy, and when he shows mercy He is most glorified because he shows the great extent of His love. We must cry out for mercy, and we must plead for Christ's blood over our sins and over the sins of our generation. We must plead that Christ's blood reign supreme over the blood shed of over 50million babies lost to abortion. We must be like the persistentt widow in Luke 18 and contend with the government to hear our cries of justice. But most importantly, we must cry out to God to hear our cries of desperation and have mercy on our country in this desperate time.

God, we thank you that you are a God who loves, and God who has mercy. God, we ask that you would forgive us of our sins and for the bloodshed of innocent babies. Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and bring revival to America! Raise up desperation in our hearts once again. Draw our hearts to a radical life of fasting and prayer. Above all else, let us seek you in intimacy and find you in the quiet place. We need you, O God! You are our heart's one desire. God, may you raise up a generation who will run to you and strip off any weight or hindrance that keeps us from pursuing you whole-heartedly. God, we desire to pour out your love and to pour out your mercy. Come like the rain Lord. Open the flood gates, and pour out your favor upon America. We need you Jesus! The Spirit and the bride say come! In Jesus Name, Amen!

The Great California Adventure Part 1

So I just finished part 1 of my Great California Adventure. I got back to my dorm from Los Angeles at around 8pm or so. It's been a pretty long drive/weekend/day.... and it's only part 1. Hmm... I wonder what else is in store. In case you haven't heard, I am embarking on 3 weekend adventure to California for the next three weekends which I started this weekend. I went to Los Angeles this weekend for a funeral. Next, weekend I am going to CalState Fullerton to Friendship Games, a big Filipino field day kind of thing with the Filipino organization at ASU. And the weekend after that, I am going to TheCall in San Diego. I am pooped at this point. I really don't want to write or think about anything right now. But I know that God has something for me in California that I need to really sit down and reflect upon. So where to begin...

Well, before I get all serious and reflect on the events of the weekend, I want to talk about the more fun and lighter stuff of my Great California Adventure and reminisce a bit. Haha, before I go any further, can I say that half of the fun of this California Adventure is the name itself. It reminds of my Disneyland and California Adventure. Haha...the last time my family and I went to California Adventure was a few years ago. My cousin and I rode the Mickey Mouse Roller Coaster at California Adventure like 7 times in a row because there were no lines! It was great! I really like roller coasters. Speaking of roller coasters, that reminds of the time I went to Six Flags. I really wanted to ride this really big roller coaster called Goliath. If the name doesn't give it a way, it was quite a giant of a roller coaster. So long story short, I really wanted to ride it, but no one else would come with me because all my younger cousins were too scared. So ya, I definitely went on Goliath and slayed him all by my lonesome. I have a picture to prove it too just in case you don't believe me. So back to my California Adventure story, so my cousin and I rode the roller coaster and other fun rides, and my brother, who was quite scared at the time, rode dumbo and the Ferris wheel with my little cousins. Haha, oh I love my bro. That was hilarious though.

Another time, I went to Disneyland, my cousin was trying to be really cool and navigate his way through people and stay ahead of us as we exited the park. However, while we were walking out, I saw a candy store, and I really wanted to stop and get some candy. Plus, I kind of wanted to spite my cousin because he was being a jerk and trying to get out before us. So the rest of my family stopped and got some candy, while my cousin continued roaming forward with the rest of the mass of people exiting the park. Well as you can imagine, I was very happy to get some candy - I have a pretty crazy sweet tooth! But, my cousin was long gone and nowhere to be found. This was before the days when all kids had cell phones at the age 0f 7 like they do today. We didn't have cell phones. So we had to go all over Disneyland and the parking lot looking for my cousin. Well fast forward a few hours later after the park is closed and stuff, we find my cousin huddled up and crying with the rest of the little kids at the Lost and Found. Haha, my teenage cousin was at the Lost and Found of the Disneyland with all the little kids. I know its kind of sad in reality. But funny to think about it now. We have ragged him about it for a while.

So ya, those are bad Disneyland experiences for my cousin and brother, so what about me? Haha....well, you should never have asked. Haha, so one time we were at Disneyland, and we stopped to get some frozen lemonade at a vendor. It was my me and my three cousins as usual my brother was with little cousins getting his Dumbo on. So we were in line getting some lemonade, and there were three girls in front of us who were about my age. They turn around ask me my name and where I am from. Me, of course, being suave and nonchalant replied, "I'm Carl, and I from Roswell, NM" (I used to live in Roswell, just in case you didnt catch that). I don't know how old I was back then maybe somewhere between 14-16. But anyway, these girls were totally hitting on me. They were like, "oh cool, I have never met anyone from New Mexico. Can we take your picture?" Ya, I know totally random, but this really happened. I promise. I vividly remember this because these things don't happen to me very often haha. You can ask my cousins. So anyway, I was a total noob. I didn't know how to respond to a girl or really do anything constructive whatsoever. What was a moment of opportunity, just became an awkward moment of.... I dont even know what to call it. So we exchanged some small talk and went on our own ways. But ya that was a funny moment. So fast forward to a couple hours later. My cousins and I are walking around Disneyland, and they see the girls who talked to me. They point them out to me, and I try to play it off like I'm cool and don't seem them. You know, I was just trying to be suave about it and say to myself like "whatever, girls...pft that happens to me all the time (but inside I am like OMG, what the heck is going on?! Disneyland is freakin legit, Woot! Let's go here every day!) Because I was trying to play it off and be cool, my cousins decided to be jerks and yell really loudly, "Carl, to your right, to your right!" They were so loud and obnoxious. I think the girls saw us and just started laughing. Anyway, that was really embarrassing and my cousins make fun of about that all time.

I don't know if that's really funny to anyone else, but my cousins and I get a kick out of our Disneyland stories all the time. We like to remember our stories of shared joy and embarrassment. Haha, so anyway... I'm not really sure what the point of all that was. I think I was just trying to connect my past California Adventures to this one. I really do feel like God has something He wants to show me in these next few weeks. I think there is something about going to my roots and digging up something there. I was born in Los Angeles California and go there to visit my family often. It's like my second home. So ya, I guess that's just kind of a preface for the next few posts about my California Adventure.

So back to the events of this weekend. Some of my highlights as usual was hanging out with cousins. I love hanging out with my family so much whether it is the family on my mom's side or dad's side. We are all around the same age, and it's always so much fun. My family is so talented and skilled in music and different stuff. I feel like I need to step up my game when I am around them. We went to Yogurt Land on Saturday! That place is bomb! Bomb Bomb Bomb. MMMM....I love Yogurt Land. Ever since I was introduced to the wonders of Yogurt Land by my Epic homeboys and homegirls, I have been a fan ever since. I used to thnk Pinkberry was bomb, but Pinkberry got's nothing on Yogurt Land. Haha, sorry I am just really passionate about frozen yogurt and dessert in general. Ask anybody who went with me to Japan. Then, we hung out at the mall walked around some stores and went to In and Out. While we were walking around the mall, we totally got carded by some cop. The cop stopped us and asked us how old we were because if we were under 18 there was a curfew and we had to go home. My cousins started showing their IDs. One was seventeen but the others were 18 and one of my cousins was 24. The cop asked me how old I was. When I told him I was 21, he kind of laughed like I was joking. But eventually, he got the drift and told us we were ok. It was kind of funny because we look young because of our Asianness. But whatever, it's all good.

So I feel like I'm just telling a bunch of random stories that don't make any sense. But whatever, it's my blog, so I do what I want. I guess they are all kind of a release for me and part of the process of remembering. I feel like I really need to look into the past and see what God has been doing and what he wants to reveal to me. It's nice to think about the joy and innocence I shared with my cousins back in the day. A lot has changed since then, but my family has been such an important part of life. So going back this weekend was like business as usual. But in the midst of that, a lot has changed.

First of all, I was in LA for a funeral. Crazy as it seems, this has been the first time I have ever been to a funeral for someone I was closely related to. So ya, I don't really know how to feel about that. On the surface, I am fine. I wanted to feel empathy and understand the pain that my family was going through, but in many ways, I couldn't relate. It was really hard for me to truly feel emotions to the loss of my great uncle because I found that many of my childhood memories with him have been forgotten. This is something that really has been bugging me the last few days. How have I forgotten so many memories of the past that I have had with special loved ones? To make things even interesting, my brother reminded me and my family that the last time we were in LA, we didn't visit this particular uncle because we were too tired. Gosh, I feel like such a jerk sometimes.

I guess that's another thing I learned this weekend. I found myself seeing a lot of the roots and inadequacies of my life over this past weekend. I failed to seize opportunities when I could have. I was impatient and got flustered by some peoples responses and actions. I was exhausted and even kind of fell asleep during the funeral service. I didn't have intentional spiritual conversations with my family and cousins yet again. I found myself getting kind of angry when asked to do things. And one thing that really bugs me about myself, I find myself getting kind of annoyed when my family decides to do devotions together. I don't know what it is. The fact that my family is willing to pray together is awesome! It's not like I get really angry or have a temper or anything. But whenever I am with my family, I find myself retorting to a lot of bad habits and personality traits that I don't normally portray or possess on a daily basis. I got really frustrated with myself this weekend because I saw a lot of parts of the old me. I saw a lot of parts that still need a lot of healing and lot of work on.

To go along with this, I began to also see the root of a lot of my families hardships and division. I found out a lot of things that are heartbreaking and eye-opening to the great spiritual warfare that is going on in my family. I never fully realized the extent of the pain that was occurring. But the wounds are huge. They are unbearable. They hurt me to even think about. I saw not only the roots of my own personal struggle, but I saw where those roots came from my family. My entire extended family used to be so close and loving, but something happened that has broken that unity a part. These type of situations have happened in both of my families. It was crazy because for the first time in years, I saw family members that I used to see on a yearly basis. But it was so sad that the moment that brought us together was the death of the family members.

Anyway, you can see that this weekend though having some traces of fun was not all fun and games. This was a very frustrating weekend for me. It started off pretty bad when I stayed up all night Thursday writing a midterm than being really tired during the funeral after driving up the day before. Then there was the whole sadness associated with the funeral. Then in the background was the looming pain of my extended family as a whole. On top of that are the current struggles of the people around living in the same house. There were many stories. And I was in no condition to really soak up what was going on. In many ways, I felt kind of bad because I couldn't really minister to my family in the ways that I may have wanted to. Not that I necessarily could have or should have done anything, but I know there were many missed opportunities and moments where I could have been more intentional. But enough of the should have or could have. What happened, happened. I can't change the past, and don't want to. I know that God did something special there. And I know that just as much as my family is in need of healing, I am right there with them.

But there were some bright spots in the midst of the frustrations. Like I said, our family got together for the first time in many years, and I got to see and spend some time with people I haven't seen in a long time. I know that even though I didn't feel like I was doing anything, and I feel like I could have done more, God used me in those situations whether it was just a smile, a hug, or a hello. God has definitely begun the healing process. The funeral service went pretty well. My great uncle was an amazing man of God, and so I while there were emotional moments, overall it was a celebration of the promotion of a great man of God. I learned a lot about my great uncle. He was a great singer and a compassionate man of God. He delayed getting married until his 40s or so because before he had his own son, he was busy working and taking care of his widowed sisters 5 kids. His heart and love for people truly embodied our Heavenly Father's heart for his children. I know that it was no mistake that God led me to pray for the fathers of our family and our nations a few posts back. There is something about praying for our fathers at this time in history. Our father's are under attack, and we need to pray for their protection. We must pray for God to raise up a generation of father's who will embody the heart and mind of our Heavenly Father.

On top of the great service and the reunion with many family members, there was one moment that sticks out to me. As people were getting seated in the chapel before the service, my parents were introducing me to friends and family members I haven't met or haven't seen in a while. There was one introduction that really stood out to me. I know I have met this person before. I think I actually I attended her husband's funeral a couple years ago. But anyway, my dad introduced me to her again. This particular lady was my baby-sitter growing up. When my dad introduced her to me, she began saying something to my dad and those around me in Filipino. I knew what she was saying though. She was telling those around me, "This was the one I use to pray for as baby. This is the one I prayed for." It was such a happy moment for me. I know that there is something so important about knowing your past and knowing your history. In the midst of all the unwanted and dark past, God was showing me a piece of light. There was someone praying for growing up as a little baby. Someone was praying for me to be the man that I am today. That's such a blessing. That is a memory that I will always hold on to. In the midst of death and darkness, I found a memory of life and love.

On another side note, in the midst of the sadness of death. There was also the celebration of life. I think the day before or the day of the funeral service, my aunt and uncle gave birth to a baby daughter. I think it is so awesome to see that happen. I believe that it is definitely a picture of the new life and the new season, God is bringing to my family. God sees our brokenness. He sees the disunity. He sees the pain. But in the midst of that all, he reminds us that there is life, and there is joy. The pain associated with the past runs deep, but there is a new generation arising even within my own family that is going to be part of God's remedy for my family. Not only will this baby and the rest of the younger generation bring healing, through the joy a new baby brings, but this baby and the generation of youth in my family will also rise to the challenge and pray and intercede on behalf of my family.

So one last story about this weekend. Well actually before that. God keeps reminding me of more stuff. So this weekend, I was also blessed with over $100 worth of Bible/Bible study material. While we were at the mall, my cousin randomly offered to buy my brother and I McArthur Study Bibles. Then, today as we were leaving back to go to Phoenix, my uncle decided to give me a new concordance and Bible dictionary that he just bought. He said he hadn't used them much, so he wanted to give them to me. These Bible study tools are so awesome and will be so valuable. They are some of the most premier study tools out there, and God blessed me with all of them in one weekend for free! I know I didn't appreciate them as much in that moment, but how awesome is that! I definitely wasn't expecting that, but I know it is all for a reason.

It's so crazy thinking about this weekend because as I type God is bringing back to memory so much stuff. I know that on the surface it was so frustrating and exhausting. But when I sit back and look at it now, it was so rich and so full of things that God wanted my family and I to experience. I don't think I have even blogged for this long in a while either. It's been like two hours now, and I probably could go on for a lot longer.

But anyway, before we went home today, my Dad wanted to do a brief devotional time and prayer with all my family in the house because we didn't get to go to church today. So he read a passage from the Bible and started sharing. As he started sharing, he became really emotional as he recounted the things of the weekend and the things going on with the family. My dad talked about how like my uncle who lost his father this weekend, my father too had experienced a lot of pain when he lost is own dad because he only knew him on a superficial level. He never knew what a man of God he was, or the profound impact he had on other's lives until he was gone. My dad never got to tell his Dad how much he loved him. As he recounted his past experience, he began to tear up as he shared his heart. It was such a touching moment because I see how my own Dad has grown spiritually in the past few months himself. It is so awesome and so refreshing. I know that I take it for granted so many times. But I know that it has been my own father's prayers and faithfulness that has helped me get to where I am at today.

So after this, my mom asked my brother and I to pray for my family. They asked my brother and I to lay hands on my grandparents and pray for healing for their bodies and safety as they go to the Philippines this weekend. It was really hard for me to pray because like I said this has just been a really frustrating and spiritually dry weekend. I don't know what I prayed or what happened, but I know God used it. The fact that my family prayed together, the fact that they asked me to lay hands and pray for healing, and the fact that we were all there together is telling of God's goodness.

I am beginning to see more fully that I am not the answer to my family's heartbreaks and hardships. I know that God has placed me in my family to pray and intercede on their behalf. But my family doesn't need me; my family needs the transformative power of Jesus and His love. It's so awesome to see how my family looks up to my brother and I for our spiritual journeys and pursuit of the Lord. I know that we have been an encouragement to them. But i know that I need them just as much as they need me, and more significantly, we need Jesus more than anything else in this world. My heart is just as messed up and broken as my family's. Yet it is so crazy to see that God wants to use a broken person like me to pray for and help in the healing process. There is such a long way to go. But it is going to be soo good in the long run.

So anyway, looking back and blogging about it now has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have seen the roots of my family's brokenness and pain, and in the process of that, I have begun to uncover my own bitterness and hurts. I am wounded in brokenhearted in so many areas. I don't have it together, and I am a pretty messed up and cold individual. I missed so many opportunities where I could have prayed or loved my family and those around me. I should have done things differently. I want to do more things better. I want to love my family. I want be intentional wiht my cousins. I want pray more. I want to write me and practice my musical abilities so I can make music with my family. (My family has so many crazy gifts musically. It is amazing I know that God wants to redeem these qualities for something amazing. I really want to pursue things in music because I feel Gdo has something special for me there too)..... In the midst of all the things I think I should do and things I think need to do, I am drawn back to the heart of it all - I am loved by God. I am God's beloved son, and he genuinely likes me.

On my way up to LA, I was listening to a Jaeson Ma podcast and he was talking about the Father's love for his children. I was reminded that we must see ourselves as the bride of Christ, and we must see God as the bridegoom. We cannot see God as merely a distant figure or authoritarian general. We must see him as a bridegroom and friend who has deep affections for us. Jaeson pointed to 4 things we must remember about our bridegoom God. Our God is a God of abounding mercy. God wants to offer us forgiveness and mercy because when He forgives us, He is glorified. When God forgives us and shows us mercy, He is showing us the full extent of His love. God is not stingy with His love and mercy. He doesn't get mad because we constantly wrong Him and need to come back to Him. Secondly, God is a God of gladness. Most of the time, God is a happy and joyful God. Zepheniah 3:17 talks about how God rejoices over us in gladness; He quiets us in His love, and He exults over is singing. Jaeson talked about how the Greek word for "rejoice" literally means to dance around circles. God dances in circles over us in love. He is so enthralled with us. There is only one thing that makes God angry - that is rebellion. Rebellion is when we know that we are doing something wrong and tell God that we don't care. However, most of the time we do something wrong we don't want to. We make mistakes not out of rebellion but out of immaturity. In our hearts we desire to please God and strive to get it right. God knows our intentions. He knows that we want to get it right, but fall so many times. God is still glad because even in our immaturity, we are running towards God. God is a God of great desire. In Revelation, it talks about how Jesus eyes burned with flames. Jaeson talked about how these flames represented the passion that Jesus has for us. That he loves us so much and as a great desire for us. Then finally, God is a God of great beauty. David was a man after God's own heart because he gazed into the great beauty of the Lord. There was only one thing that David sought after (Psalm 27:4). David longed to be in the presence of God and see His beauty. We must understand and recognize the beauty of the Lord. His beauty is what our heart desires for more than anything else in this world. God loves us and wants us to be drawn to His great beauty.

Hmm....so ya, so much to say, so much to process. It's funny that I started writing this blog not knowing what to say and write and not really wanting to say anything. It's funny that I was planning on sleeping two or three hours ago, but here I am typing away. So ya, that's part 1 of my crazy Great California Adventure. It wasn't filled with crazy in your face God-stuff. But it's always the subtle stuff that is most poignant and powerful. God speaks in a still-small voice not in a huge eartquake anyways. Crazy stuff! I am excited to see what's next. I am in serious need of some resting in Jesus right now though. I'm seriously pooped. Thank God for my friends who have graciously offered to take my prayer shifts tomorrow morning. Wow, it's been a crazy/frustrating weekend. But it is so encouraging and such a blessign to see that God has been there in the midst of it all even though I originally didn't recognize that way!

Dear God,
Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have learned so much this weekend in the hardships and in the pain. i have seen the roots of bitterness, pride, and pain for not only myself but of my family. God, I pray for my family and for the families of those all around the world. God, may the generation you are birthing in the midst of this darkness be your hands and feet in bringing reconcilation to our families. We know that you have a heart for the nations. But even before the nations, you have a heart for individuals. God, I pray that you will riase up this generation of youth who will take back not only the nations, but the families. God bring healing and reconcialiation. We are desperate for a touch from heaven. God may your will be done on earth as itis in heaven. Bring healing to my family. Restore the unity and love that was once there. Restore the wounds in my own heart. I want to surrender all pain and brokenness from the past that keeps me from serving you completely. I give you my heart, and I give you my all Lord Jesus. May I find rest in you tonight. Bless the fathers Lord. Bless the families. Bless the children. God, mend our broken hearts. We are broken vessels, O Lord. Mend us and make us whole. We are nothing without you, Lord. You, alone, are our lone satisfaction. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Holy Laughter

Hahahaha....ahh the Lord is good. I just got back from the 24hr prayer house. I think we are in the third week of 24hr prayer. Monday is always the highlight of my week. Every Monday from 7:00pm - 9:00pm, we have all campus worship. Students from all over the campus come together to worship and pray. It's crazy powerful. Haha the our little chapel gets so packed sometimes there are people standing and worshipping from the outside. Woot! Jesus is good! So anyway, if you can't tell, I'm really hyped up on Jesus right now. It's so awesome how Jesus can take away your burdens and frustrations and fill you with some holy laughter. Man, the joy of the Lord is my strength. So after all campus worship today, one of the main prayer leaders came looking for me and as usual pumped me up with my weekly, Monday dose of Holy Spirit laughter. I'm a sucker every time. But it's soo good to laugh and let lose the hardships of life. We laughed and prayed for so long after the 9:00 service. I'm still laughing hahaha..... mmmm Jesus. hahahaha hahaha. hahaha....God is so good.

Anyway, so we ended up getting in a big circle outside the chapel and people started praying for one another and the holy laughter just started spreading. Hahaha...during the service, one of the prayer leaders gave a cool word from God about how God was setting up traps all around the campus. People would fall into these traps and encounter the love of God. As we were in our circle praying, I was watching people walk by and just started laughing because they were getting trapped in the love of God. There is no escape! Yay! Hahaha.....then we went to the prayer tent on the side of the chapel and did a prayer tunnel where we prayed for one another. Oh, but before that, while we were in our circle we started yelling and declaring freedom and love to the campus. One of my friends walked up to us while we were doing this, and he said that he could hear us from two streets down. haahaha.....oh man. We made a lot of noise tonight. Then after this, we went to the middle of the Hayden Lawn. Our library is underground so we want on top of the lawn where the library was underneath and started praying and declaring the love of God over the campus. As we were there, some fraternity boys passed by and one of the guys went up to them and asked if we could pray for them. Then while we were on the lawn praying and making a lot of noise. A guy on his bike stopped and came and joined us. He was really stressed out and we were able to pray for him. While this was going on, one of the main prayer leaders was praying for someone who just overcame depression through the grace of God and was now breaking down at the awesome presence of God!

Woot! Ya, so now I'm back home recording all the goodness of God. I don't want to let these memories get lost or stolen. But anyhoo, this season of 24 hour prayer has been interesting. I felt called to pray in the morning, so I signed up for the 7am - 9am shift every morning. Gosh, I dont know what I was thinking. But it's been harder than I expected haha. Overall, it has been good, but it is a struggle every morning waking up and it is hard sometimes because I'm usually the only one there. Many days, I have been so tired and restless and not knowing why I'm even awake and in the prayer houses. So many times I have fallen asleep and felt really dumb and embarrassed. Mostly, it has been pretty hard. I'm trying to get more disciplined and give God all areas of my life. But ya I've definitely been struggling with this one. But I know God is working, and I trust that God will one day release his signs and wonders in the morning and midday for all to see His glory. It's hard because since I signed up for the early morning shifts, I can't be there during the night. During the night, crazy things have happened here. There has been crazy deliverance and healing. I mean I got my first prophetic word a year ago during the wee hours of the night. God has truly taken back the night at ASU, and it's hard because I haven't been able to experience that awesomeness in the night. But I know that God has called me to the morning, and the prayers and laboring in the morning will release God's blessings of the night onto the midday!

But anyway, despite the hardships of the morning. I have experienced some pretty cool things. On the first day of 24 hour prayer, I was really excited so I stayed almost 7 hours or something. During that time, I got to pray for a lot of different people. One person in particular came in and started pouring out his soul to one of my friends. I came over and he started telling us how he had really been praying for a child. He hadn't been able to have a child with his wife for 7 years. As he talked he broke down in tears. I read to him 1 Samuel 1 where Hannah prays that God would grant her a child. After I read this to him, we prayed over him, and he broke down even further. It was a powerful moment.

Than a couple of Fridays ago. I had a really strange experience. I was really tired and was just lying on the chairs. As I lay there, the word Joel popped in my head. So, I opened my Bible and started reading Joel, but I was too tired so I put it down and lay down again. While I was laying down, the date 8/16 popped in my head. I was like ookkk....weird. So I looked at my journal and tried to figure out what 8/16 was. After reading through my journal, I realized that 8/16 was the day of the CALL DC. To make things even crazier that day I was wearing my t-shirt that my youth group made for the CALL DC that we held in the church. So in a matter of moments, I realized that the main verses of the CALL is found in Joel, and the CALL DC was held on 8/16 and I was wearing my t-shirt from the CALL DC that my youth group made. If that's not strange enough, that night we were traveling to Prescott for Crusades Fall Retreat. As we were driving, I noticed that there was a Red Moon! The Red Moon instantly reminded me of the book Red Moon Rising which is based on a verse in Joel 2! Weird! Hahaha....hmmm so ya I don't know exactly what all this means. But I'm praying about possibly going to the CALL California on November 1 in San Diego. I talked to one of my friends about it, and he said that there might be some kind of impartation that God has for me there or something. Who knows...but it sure is some exciting stuff! Yay God!

So ya, God has been doing some crazy stuff here. I mean I just look at Epic, and wow, God is on the move. But that's a whole separate post in itself that requires a lot of story-telling and what. I'll leave that for another day. And don't worry I will get to it! Epic has definitely been a highlight in my life at this point and such a blessing from God. I've been meaning to write about it and update lots of people. But I have yet to get to it; but no worries, I will!

Anyhoo, I say all this good stuff because I'm on a Jesus high right now! But that doesn't change the pain and the brokenness that I have felt in the past few weeks and months. I realize that lately I have tried to go so fast and so hard, but I haven't been fully healed and recovered from everything that has happened this summer. Today, I was writing in my journal and expressing to God the pain I felt from losing an important relationship in my life. I thought I had gotten over it, but just when I thought I was strong, I found myself to be really weak. It's been so hard toiling on this campus. It has been so hard praying early in the morning and working hard to see the presence of God move in Epic and at ASU. I've been trying so hard, yet in the midst of that striving, I think I have tried to cover up the pain that I have been feeling. It's hard to admit that I'm weak and vulnerable. It's hard to admit that I don't have it all together. But I'm learning that I must rely fully on God, and I must lean on my brother and sister in Christ that I have here.

Sometimes, I get really frustrated because I feel that people here don't really care and understand me like I have been understood and cared for in the past. I get really frustrated because I feel like over the summer and the few months preceding that my life was on fast forward mode. Coming back to school and the normal routine of things, I feel like my life has come back to normal speed. So what I am experiencing now though in real time, feels like it is in slow motion. I get so frustrated with the people around me. I have tasted and seen what true community and awesome relationship looks like. I have experienced a transformational relationship, and I experienced what it was like to see iron sharpen iron. But in this season, I have had to learn patience. I have had to learn humility. I have had to learn to rely on God and to trust in the community of believers God has surrounded me here. I cannot long to have something or someone I can't have at this time. It hurts a lot, and it's really hard to move on. But that God is working and planning things long term, and I do not want to compromise my future or the future of those who I care about because of my own selfish desires.

I trust that God is working in my life and in the lives of those around me. God is bigger than me. He is bigger than the words that I say. He is bigger than my actions. He is bigger than my knowledge which is so insignificant compared to the depths of His wisdom and understanding. I am in a season right now where I am so needy. I am so needy for love, for attention from the heart of God and the heart of others. I have a hard time giving out and ministering because my soul is desperate need of ministering too. But you know what, I'm okay with that. At least for now, I know that I will continue to struggle with it and have difficult days. There will be days when I cry to express passions that are aching in my soul to those who mean the most to me. But God has placed us where we are for a reason. He has placed us in this time in history for a special reason. God has raised us up to be like Esther "for such a time as this." He has raised us up to be like Daniel to be "resolved" in our hearts to passionately pursue the work of the Lord. We are like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. We are being thrown into the fire with no promise of being brought back together and alive. But we go passionately and fervently into the flames anyway because we know that our God is bigger than anything we can ask for or desire on this earth.

That is the generation that God has called us to be. We are the generation that has been called to lay down a foundation for the future generations. We are the generation that will stand in the gap and throw ourselves headlong into flames not knowing what will happen to us or if we will even come out alive. But we are called to something more than ourselves. We have died to the things of this world. We are dead people walking. When wood is dead, it burns and catches on fire rapidly and easily. We are the catalysts for God's consuming fire for our generation. God, send your down. Bring comfort to our hearts. Burn away anything that keeps us from serving you fully. You are sovereign, O Lord. You are good. I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea what words to say. I'm in need of your ministering and healing touch to my soul. God will you touch the souls of those around me who are in need of God's restoration and healing!

This prayer goes out to those who I hold dearest to my heart, you know who you are. God, I pray that you would bring healing and restoration to our souls. Awaken a generation to know the depths of your love. I know the hearts of Your children break. But your love knows no bounds! Your love is the glue that holds us together! Your love is the unbreakable bond that will allow nothing to get in between You and those who you love. Your love is greater than any relationship, any material thing. Your love cats out perfect fear! Your love restores our souls! Your love satisfies. God, you did not created us to be a lone. God, you created your people to be in community. I pray that you would raise up a church, a body of believers who would care for one another. I pray that you raise up brothers and sisters who will walk in the fullness of they are in Christ. I pray for those who are hurting deep inside experiencing the loss of those who they hold dearest. God, you bring joy and laughter in the morning. You restore your people and give us new songs. God, in your time, you will exalt us. In your time, you will make all things new. In your time, you will work out all things for the better because we love you and trust you. God, give us a childlike faith. Help us with our unbelief. We believe Lord that you are faithful. We belief Lord that you are just. No matter how long it takes, I know you will bring your plan into full completion. I know that you see things that we cannot see! God, my heart breaks every time I think about what was lost. But God, let us count everything as loss whatever we once gained. God the one thing we desire is to know you! We want to know you! Let us live lives dedicated to one thing. God one thing we desire. We want to know your beauty - to know your presence. Fill us Lord! Fill us Lord! Fill us Lord! You are our lone satisfaction! God, we will go into the fire and hardships of life without doubting the greatness of who you are. Even if we don't' get what we expect, we know that what you offer is greater! God, you have written our love stories because you are our true love! God, first love, first love, first love - bring us back to our first love. You are all we want! You are all we need! May this be the cry of the generation you are rising up in the midst of us. The stories they tell will revitalize this land and be springs of water to our souls. There are stories will be straight from the heart of God. They will be stories of healing, of deliverance, of transformation. This is the year of the Lord's favor. This is the generation God has chosen for me. We need you Jesus! You are all our heart is beating for! In Jesus, might name, Amen.

weak words

Hmm... where to begin. So I haven't blogged in a while. It's kind of weird because I was at a point in my blogging journey, where people were people were reading and commenting on my entries. I know, what am I supposed to expect when I post my thoughts for the whole world to see. I guess I just never thought anyone would really read them or take them seriously. I never thought that in my time of greatest brokenness and pain people would respond and would be encouraged by what I would write. But in the midst of all that, I didn't want to write things for the sake of other people reading them. I don't want to write things to make people laugh, to make people cry, or make people happy for the sake of it. I want to write with the raw emotion that God has placed inside of my heart. Yet, I know that if I focus on trying to write based on people's response, I will lose that passion. And I think some of that happened in this past month or so. Not only did I get busy with school, ministry, and such, but I got lost the urge to write on my blog. I guess part of me didn't think that I had any good stories to tell, and maybe another part of me was just too lazy. The fact is that I do have a lot of good stories to tell, but I think that Satan has tried to rob the joys of the memories away from me.

It's hard for me to expect what to write anymore these days. I think I know what I'm going to say, but nothing really comes out how I expect it. But I guess that's the story of my life these days. But anyway, like I said, I feel as if Satan has tried to rob the joy I have experienced in this season. There have been many ups and downs, but in failing to record them, I have caused myself to focus on the negative things this world. But some interesting things have happened in the past few days that have really drawn me back to what is most important. First of all, today, I found out that two of my great uncles died. My mom told me today after church that my grandpa's brother-in-law died today, and then a few hours later we found out that my grandmother's brother died today as well. It's almost surreal. How and why do things like this happen? My mom told me how she heard about the death of her uncle during Sunday school. She started crying and her kids gathered around her and prayed. My cousin was on the way to a piano recital, but when she heard the news, she broke down and couldn't go to the recital.

I don't understand what's going on these days. I don't know how to feel. I want to feel sad. I want to empathize. But i don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. It's like I'm in shock. My heart breaks for my family, but I don't know how to express it. I don't have any answers. I don't have words of wisdom or comfort to say. I feel like confused, frustrated, and directionless. But in the midst of it all there is hope. Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." I don't want to pretend to have the right words to say anymore. I don't want to have fake empathy or fake wisdom and understanding. I want to know the heart of God. I want to know the pains he experiences when He sees the tears of His children. I want to hunger for God. I want to know His fullness - His character, His love.

Yet, I have tried too hard for too long. I can't do it anymore. I need to stop doing and start being. I think I am suffering from unbelief. Not that I don't' believe in God and what He can do. But I think sometimes I fail to believe that I really am loved for who I am. I think that sometimes I get trapped up in my childish ideology of me, me, me. I look to my own satisfaction and look to gratify my selfish needs. I find myself wanting to do more radical things to please God. I want to fast more; I want to pray more; I want to preach more; I want to see more saved. I want... I want... I want.... Story of my life.... At the end of the day, I realize that I don't even love others for who they are either. So often, I love people for what they do. I love people for being nice to me, recognizing my skills and talents, and for respecting me for who I am. Yet when people step over me, overlook me, and fail to see the fullness of who I am, I get bitter, upset, and annoyed. I love for people for what they do instead of who they are.

I definitely don't want to make this a rant about my frustrations or about my flaws and how I'm not the perfect person. We all have flaws, and God is working on us in different ways. These are things I have struggled with all my life. Instead, I want to return to the days when my hunger for God was more than anything this world could offer. I want to know who I am not by what I do and what I know, but for who I am. I want to love others not for what they can do for me, but by what Christ has done for them and who they are in Christ. I want to burn with a passion that will not fade - a passion that burns in my soul.

Jeremiah 20:9
If I say, "I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name," there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding in it, and I cannot.

I cannot be silent. The passion cannot be contained. There is a volcano inside me waiting to erupt. While my flesh is getting beat up and my body getting weary, my Spirit will not let the passion die out. I cannot stand to see brokenness and pain in my family. Yet in the midst of brokenness and pain, God is near. I pray that in this season. He will bring healing and restoration that is so desperately needed. I pray that He would break off all dissension and bring unity to the family. I pray that He will bring a renewed hunger for the presence and healing touch of God.

I'm so frustrated. I can't stand to see the world settle for anything than the best. We have settled for good and great things, but God wants to give us the best. I can't stand to see the church fail to receive the fullness of God's glory; I can't stand to see families devastated by death; I can't stand to see to campuses mauled by Satan's lies and deception. Yet, in the midst of all this. My own flesh is weak. Like I said, I have tried so hard only to fall short. Because I can't do it. I will never be able to do it. I will never be able to do anything on my own strength. I find myself wearied and tired trying so hard to do things. I hate it. I want to lay it all down, and go back to my first love.

God, I have no rational words to say. I have no words of wisdom or comfort. I am a broken individual. I don't want to be glorified as a super-spiritual person or knowledgeable individual. I don't want anything but more of you. I don't even know what I am writing. I am so tired and confused. I just want more of you. Help me to rest in the light of who you are. I want to have all of you for all of me. I want to love the way you love. But most of all I want to know you Lord. If that's all I do for the rest of my life. I want to know you. I don't want to get starry-eyed and blinded by material success and satisfaction. I want to be satisfied by you and you alone. I don't want to do things to please other people. I want to give you glory in all I say and do. I want to be dead to the things of this world. I don't want to say, "I want" to selfish desires any longer.

God, I pray that you would bring healing to my family. In the midst of brokenness and pain, I pray that you would bring your healing touch. God, I pray not only for my family, but all families that are experiencing division and strife. Will you break off the spirit of disunity and pride? Will you send your Holy Spirit and bring salvation to households and families all across the globe? God your heart aches for the families. Your desire is to see the hearts of the fathers drawn back to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers. God, there is so much pain going on right now. So many children who have experienced abuse and neglect from their fathers. It is so difficult to think about losing my own father. But the reality is that today, two families have last their fathers. God, forgive me for being so selfish. Forgive this generation of youth who have turned their backs on their fathers. Forgive this generation of fathers who have turned their back on their kids. Forgive me for not praying for my father, not not loving Him more, for not showing him that I care.

God, I pray that you restore the relationships between fathers and their children. I pray that in the midst of this pain in my family, you will restore the those who have lost their fathers. I pray that you will heal father-child relationships within my family and those all around the world. God, I know that in this moment of pain, you have called me to intercession for father's and children. With the elections coming in less than the month, the issue of abortion looms large. We cannot afford to see more children lost, more children abandoned. God, may you reveal your Father's heart to your people. May you raise up the church to love as you have loved your bride. God raise up a generation of men who will know and share your Father's heart. We pray for a Father's blessing over all those who have been hurt and been abused.

God, pour out your Spirit. Show your mercy and love on a hurting generation. God, may the deaths of my two great-uncles be a wake up call to my family to see the importance of their fathers - most of all the importance of their Heavenly Father. God, may we no longer look to you as an elusive, and unseen God. May we see you as Abba, Father who cherishes us as beloved sons and daughters. May our hearts burn with a passion that cannot be contained. God, will you raise up a generation of fathers who love their children. We pray not only for the older fathers, but also the teenage fathers. We pray for the teenage fathers who have impregnated their girlfriends. We pray for those teenagers who are filled with shame and guilt. May you not forsake them. May our church not forsake them. May the church have its eyes opened to see the need. We need restoration of men in America God. We need men who will love their wives. We need men who will love their children. We need men who will stand up for what is right. We need men who will say no to the legitimate pleasures of the word, for the extreme pleasures of knowing God.

God, we need men who will be protectors. We need men who will protect their wives, their children, their families. We need men who will protect the sanctity of life. We need men who will stand in the gap. We need men who will pray for their mothers and for their sisters. God, I pray that you will raise up a generation of men who will honor their wives and will lift up their sisters. God, forgive us men, who have looked lustfully at our sisters, who have led them astray, and have abused them physically, emotionally, and sexually. Forgive us for overlooking our sisters and degrading their roles in your kingdom. God, may we see a day when men will recognize their strength and empower women to know their voice. May men and women together complement one another in the way you have destined them to be.

God restore the families! Restore the fathers! Restore the Children! God, we need you! We are desperate for you! Our hearts burn for a fresh, new encounter with you. We cannot stand to see sexual immorality, we cannot stand to see abortion, we cannot stand to see your name defamed. We want to lift you name on high as banner that flies across this land. God, take back this nation. Take back this generation. Return us back to our first love! God, we want to know and fulfil your Great Commandment because without your Great Commandment, we will never fulfill the Great Commission. God, lovers outwork workers. May we never strive under our own strength and volition, may we move by the understanding of your love. May we be human beings and not human doings. God, make us desperate for you. Make us hungrier for your presence in our lives. God, may we never be content until the entire earth is saturated in your glory. May we be completely satisfied in your presence, but utterly dissatisfied with the condition of the world. We pray for our fathers, we pray for our families, we pray for our nation. We pray for the children. Bring the prodigals home! You love them soo much father! You delight over them in singing. Wreck us in your love. We need you! We need you! We need you!

God, my words are so weak. Yet your presence and your love is so strong. All we need is you Jesus. You are all that our heart and soul longs for. Satisfy our thirsty souls, Jesus. Satisfy our thirsty souls! May, you raise up a generation of fathers that are thirsty for you. Raise us a generation of children who are lovesick for you. Heal the broken hearts and restore broken relationships. God, humble my heart. May I never forget that all I have is in you. You are my rock, my fortress, my shield, my deliverer. God, bless your people and have favor upon this nation and this generation. Turn our hearts back to you, O Lord. We are thirsty. We are thirsty. We are thirsty. Lead us beside your still waters. Restore our souls with your Living Water. You alone are our satisfaction. We will rest in you, Lord. Bless our weary and heartbroken souls. We love because you first loved us. Thank you, Abba Father. Thank you! You are so welcomed here! Pour out your love and mercy! In Jesus Name, Amen.