Crossroads

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

I don't know about you, but I often get into these weird dry spells where I need and want to get things done but I feel like I am paralyzed and cannot do anything. I sometimes get into these seasons where I am really gung-ho about getting things accomplished but I end up doing nothing and wasting time. I get into times of restlessness which I think is especially during times of break and times of big decisions and transitions. I was reading through some of my old journal entries from way back when I first started journaling (which I guess was only about a year ago haha), and I realized that this isn't something new to me. It's crazy because when I think about it now I realize that I am in another crazy transition time, and I believe that the decisions and choices I make here in the next few weeks will shape what this next year will look like.

So like I said, I looked back at some journals and was reading back on the big decisions that I have made around this time of the year for the past two years. Two years ago was the first time I truly decided to surrender my entire life to Christ. It was December 31 2006. My church invited me to speak at our very first Youth Sunday. After speaking, my pastor challenged me to think about going into ministry. I was an engineering and pre-med major at the time, but after wrestling with God over winter break I realized that He was calling me to do something more than what I had planned for myself. Over winter break, I gave up all my dreams and desires for my future career and decided to follow God. My life quickly turned around as crazy opportunities came up and I found myself leading a youth group, leading a small group, and then starting up Epic Movement. My life changed a lot in that one year since God called me to follow Him and give up my own desires.

Then the next winter, I went to Winter Conference in San Diego from December 28- 31, 2007. Long story short, I got rocked hard core by God. At first I was very hesitant to go. It was kind of awkward being there too. I felt out of place at times. But it was there that so many significant things took place. I met my friend Sara there for the first time, and that was the start of some crazy adventures haha. I saw Jaeson Ma speak for the first time, and if you know me at all, I am now borderline stalkerish (jk I'm really not, but it definitely can appear that way sometimes haha). What I mean to say is that Jaeson Ma has been an influential Christian role model in my life who has really changed the way I view my walk with God and the understanding of the passion that He has for me. Also, it was at that conference that ASU began to come together in unity and decided to have a clothes drive to respond to the things God was placing on our hearts and give back to the community. It was here that God opened my eyes to my love for material things above the things of God. I totally brought my nicest clothes to this conference because I wanted to be recognized. I wanted others to see me in order to validate my worth. God crushed this spirit of materialism at this conference as He asked me to give up all the clothes that I brought. It was tough, but I don't regret it at all.

So in the past two years, God has invited me to significant opportunities at the end of each year that have shaped my outlook and attitude in the new year. The first year God broke through my selfish ambitions and desires. He took my dream and aspirations and showed me that His ways were better than mine. He took me from being a shy, reserved boy and made me into a leader and a pioneer. Then the next winter, God took my insecurities and man-pleasing desires and showed me that He alone was my satisfaction. I realized that nothing else could satisfy me than the presence of God in my life. I definitely still struggle in these areas from time to time, but God has worked in my life in crazy ways these past two winters in preparing me for a new year. In the past two years, each year has only gotten better and better in experiencing the goodness and the blessings of God while seeing tremendous growth in my life. The friendships and the experiences of San Diego Winter Conference eventually introduced me to what it meant to be filled with the Spirit, and it changed my life completely. So here I am at another crossroads in my life. I believe that God is going to show up in huge ways and call me into new things in this coming winter break. It's kinda scary to think about what that might be this year. But now that I think about it, I able to put all these things in perspective in light of what God has been doing in my life in the years past.

It's funny because just last weekend I went to a conference called Crossroads with Campus Crusade. It was a really awesome experience. It was like a spiritual re-charge to get to hear about the awesome things God is doing while being able to talk about and remember the things that God is doing in my own life. I had a lot of fun driving up there with the people in my car. I talked so much about God and how rad He is. I haven't talked with that much passion in a while, and it really encouraged me to rekindle those flames of passion that are inside of me. In addition to that it was so awesome to see some of my friends from my Epic Japan trip there. I love those guys so much. They are definitely like family. It's crazy how close we grew over the summer. I finally got to meet the national director of Epic there also, and it was great just to hang out with some others from Epic Movement and hear about what God is doing on their campuses. There were some awkward moments here and there thanks to the lovely people from UH, but what can I expect I suppose, but that's a whole other story that I will not get into here haha. Anyway, the conference was really great, and it helped bring some clarity about deciding things for the future.

Conferences are always nice, but the hard part is the practical application once you get home. I was spiritually recharged after that conference, but then the reality of the situation hit when I got back home: I have some really big decisions to make. And so that's where I am not now. I am stuck in this dilemma of what to decide. Do I intern with Campus Crusade or do I go to seminary? Or do I do both? Those are some more long term decisions I am thinking through right now. I got to talk to an advisor form Fuller Seminary last week after the Crossroads conference so now I must pray and begin to way my decisions. It is interesting to see what God will do in my life. It could be something completely opposite from what I mentioned or expect. But God's plan is always the best, so I'm down with whatever He wants.

I guess the hardest decision I'm going through right now is deciding what I will do during December 28-31. Haha, I guess I just find it pretty crazy that this period of time has been influential in shaping the year for me for the past couple of years, and I find myself now having to make a decision about where I am going to be. Right now, I am deciding between staying home with family, going to San Diego Winter Conference, or going to One Thing. There is a lot involved in each decision, and I must trust and pray and seek God about what His calling is. Right now, I feel like God has opened up an awesome opportunity to go to OneThing. While I was at Crossroads in California, one of my good friends called me and told me a crazy story about how he felt like God was calling us to go there for this conference. It's gonna be a pretty intense conference. They say it might be the single most important conference they have ever had through IHOP. There is a lot to process through, and I don't want to get into all the details here.

But I guess what I want to try to get at is the fact that in times of big decisions I often find myself feeling paralyzed and immobile. I want to surrender all that to God, right now. It's a major crossroads that I am facing once again. Yet, I know that whatever decision I make God will be with me and is sovereign in all things. It comes to a point when we are at the crossroads that we must ask God for direction. Jeremiah 6:16 says ask for the "ancient path" and ask for the "good way" God wants us to ask Him for what the ancient path of those of came before us looked like. He wants us to ask for wise counsel from our elders. I guess when I think about it it's really cool that God invites us into these big decisions where we must trust Him alone to guide us and direct us. We must rely on Him for strength and wisdom. In the midst of these decisions, we draw closer to God and see our own weaknesses and insecurities.

I know after this is all said and done, I will look back at this decision and see that it probably pales in comparison to other decisions I will make in the future. But it's situations like these that help prepare us for the future and help us make those tough decisions that we will soon face. God doesn't allow us to go through things that we cannot bear, and He always provides a way out. It's encouraging to know that even in these decisions God is preparing us for even greater decisions and even harder circumstances. I long for the day when we can go heaven and hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" (Matthew 25:23). We must remain faithful to God in the daily decisions we make, and it is when we do that that He will entrust us with more. David didn't slay Goliath without prior preparation. He didn't have a one time cram session or last minute preparation. His whole life up to that point was an example to his obedience and faithfulness to the duties that He was put in charge of. David tended His flock faithfully; he protected his sheep from lions and bears; he waited patiently in the fields for his time to come. And I guess, I often forget that it is not the big decisions that define us. It is the little decisions that we make every day that reflect our relationship with God. So many times, my life stops, and I feel restless and immobile as I contemplate and ponder huge decisions. But God wants us to rest in Him and continue to be faithful in our walk with Him. I have often been reminded that breakthrough comes most quickly not when we are striving and seeking after answers, but when we are resting and finding our satisfaction in God.

I think that in this season God is reminding me that in this period of decision I must look back to the source of it all. As I stand at the crossroads, I must remember the old paths and the old ways that got me to the point that I am at today. I must remember Jeremiah 6:16 "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." God wants to give rest to our weary souls, and He does not desire for us to be anxious. I believe that this comes when we remember that He alone is our true satisfaction. So many times I desire to seek God in order to see new breakthrough and have new revelation. My life stops in paralysis because I do not want to do anything until I know what God wants me to do. But God doesn't want us to seek breakthrough or new revelation. When we stand at the crossroads of life, God is reminding us that He is our breakthrough. He is our greatest reward. Nothing else can give us more joy than He alone. New revelations; new breakthroughs in our personal lives or our ministries - they are all secondary to our greatest reward - the person of Jesus Christ Himself.

So I'll end with this, 1 Peter 5:6-7 states, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." God cares for our every need and our every concern. He cares about the decisions that we me make and the hardships we go through. But at the end of the day, we must remember why we are here. We are here to bring glory to God. We must remember the Great commandment. Love God and love others. When we come to remember that God loves us and we have everything because of Him, He will show up for us and lead us in the right direction. We must humble our hearts in realization that the very reason we have an opportunity to make big decisions that will influence the rest of our lives is because God gave us those awesome opportunities. I believe that God is showing us that when we humble our hearts in submission and acknowledgment that He truly is sovereign - all-powerful and all-knowing - He will lead us to that next step. God will raise us up in proper time, but only when He sees that we are ready. Our pride must be broken down completely. Our self-seeking must be blotted out. Our lives must be given to true surrender and humility. So here I am at the crossroads, Lord. Today, I remember that all I am is yours. You alone are my satisfaction.

God, forgive me for my pride and my self-seeking. Forgive me for wasting times striving after answers when you want me to find rest in you. Lord, I know that you have what is best for me. Help me to walk in your rest and be restored by the joy of my salvation. Forgive me for straying to the left and to the right and forgetting that that road is straight and narrow. God, I pray that you would humble my heart. God, humble the hearts of my generation. May we be forerunners than run faithfully after you. But above all else, may we love you above all things. May we pursue you as a precious jewel. May we give up all that we have in pursuit of the One thing that truly matters in our life. You are the desire of our hearts, O Lord. May nothing else ever come to take that place. God, give us clean hands and pure hearts that we ascend your holy hill. May we desire to seek you face to face. We cast down our idols, and we turn our backs to the things of this world. We repent from our sinful ways, and we turn our hearts back to you. God our prayers echo that of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:12, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." We don't know where to turn, O God. We are at the crossroads. God, we pray that you would reveal to us your ancient path. We pray that you would show us the good way. Our eyes are on you father. Our eyes are set on You, the author and perfecter of our faith. We love you Lord. All praise and glory belongs to you. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen!

Perspectives...

Wow...it's been two weeks since I last posted on my blog. I think I have been trying to find the opportune time to process through all my thoughts and submit a summary of the things I have been thinking through. That time definitely has not happened yet. Instead of things becoming clearer, more and more stuff has come on my plate. But it's the season for Thanksgiving so in the midst of all this craziness, I definitely want to take a second and recap the things I am thankful for.

With that in mind, I want to take a few moments to reflect on these two passages.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

First off, I find it pretty crazy that I have used the verse in Philippians so many times when praying for people. I pray for people to have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to guard their hearts and minds. But what I have realized is that I have been leaving out the "thanksgiving" part when I quote the verse. This is pretty ironic because lately I feel like I tend to find myself in a perpetual pity party (ya nice alliteration i know:-D). I have often found myself complaining and finding fault in many things. As of late, one of the biggest frustrations I have had is our western conceptions of what the church is supposed to look like and do. I feel like so many times we have taken away from the original, organic nature of the church as it existed in the days of the New Testament. We have often placed traditions and societal expectations upon the church rather than allowing it to be led by the Holy Spirit. Now, I know not all of church is like this. But in recent weeks, I have had so much frustration with the conservative church I guess you can call it.

God has totally been convicting me of this. It's funny because in this crazy season of growth, I have experienced the moves of the Holy Spirit so much especially in being involved with the 24hr prayer movement and other things of this nature. I think that in result of this I became very dependent upon this "feeling" to feel good about myself. I often times didn't experience in my church or in the places I went to seek God and thus I got really frustrated. However, lately God has shown me that His Spirit is at work not only in the more charismatic movements; God is moving everywhere. A couple of Sundays ago, I begrudgingly went to church despite my desire to stay home and really just wait on God and spend some time with Him alone. However, as I sat in the pews my pastor gave a message about Thanksgiving. He talked about how when we give thanks instead of complaining, our mentality and our attitude will completely change and we will not be bitter or frustrated all the time. He said something to the affect of people complain not because there are problems, but that problems exist because people complain. Ya so at that point, there was instant conviction. I have realized that I have been so frustrated toward things, even church at times, to the point that I was causing problems for myself and for those around me.

Then, from that point on, God has been showing me the amazing ways he has been working in the very places I have been frustrated with. It's funny because recently it has been in these places that I have been frustrated with that I have felt the presence of God most strongly lately. I haven't wanted to go to church in a while because of the frustration that I have had, but it has been in that place I have seen the God working the most lately. I haven't been to Campus Crusade meetings on Thursdays lately because I have been busy doing things in the Asian American community and when I do have a chance I have been somewhat hesitant to go. However, in the last couple of weeks that I have been to the meetings, I have been moved so strongly moved by the Holy Spirit in ways that I haven't experienced in a while.

Then, this last weekend, I went to a conference called Crossroads with Crusade that helps with deciding about your future. It was really good. I have this problem of despising going to conferences only to be completely blown away at them. Then, when there is a conference I want to go to, there is so much complications in the way - more on this later though. Before I talk about Crossroads, I also wanted to mention another observation I have noticed about myself. I am really socially awkward. Let me qualify this statement and clarify it. Haha, so God has changed my life a lot. It's been almost a year since my life took a complete turn - ironically it began at a conference that I didn't want to go to. Before God changed me, I was really shy, quiet, and kept to myself. In fact, my personality is mainly introverted, but with the shift God has allowed me to be in a position where I am required to be a lot more outgoing. Ever since God changed my life, the little, introverted me has been empowered to speak with confidence at my church and lead different groups. It's a complete shift. I was just talking about this with my dad today - also more on this later, hopefully. (Sorry, I have a lot on my mind that I'm trying to process, bear with me). So ya, like I used to be really shy and quiet and now God is using me to speak to lots of people with power and authority. It's totally a God thing. Haha so in the midst of this I often find myself reverting to my old ways of wanting to be myself and anti-social. With my personality, I really need a lot of space on my own if I will be able to be around a lot of people for a while.

So anyway, back to my point of being socially awkward. As you know from my blogs, I can write a lot which translates to real life into talking a lot. I can talk a lot. But the only things I can ever talk about is God. I can talk about God and how awesome He is and the way society is going to be transformed all day. You can ask the people who drove with me to Crossroads. I talked a lot haha. But I am not very good at talking about anything else other than God. Given not everyone is good at small talk and getting to know people, but I am really bad at engaging in conversation and getting to know people. I mean I really have a heart for people, and I really do care about them. But in my flesh, I often find myself not caring about taking an initiative and not wanting to talk to people. It's totally the old me coming out. But on the flip side when you get me talking about God and how amazing He is; it's like a never ending story - as it should be. Maybe you can relate to this, I don't know. But, I think it is a funny dichotomy because it represents the work that God has done in me, and it shows my fleshly side versus the work of God in my life. It's such a blessing to know that God has transformed my life, and I am not the same. But it is also humbling to remember that without God I am nothing, and I have such a long way to go.

Since I have engaged this topic of change, I think I will talk about the ways things I have changed and the different perspectives I must keep in mind, and then in other posts I will talk about crossroads, decisions, and other things for the sake of length.

So I have been grappling with a lot of decisions the past couple of weeks, and I got to talk to my dad about some of them today. I was telling him about all these conferences I am thinking about going to and all the complications with all of them that make it hard to decide what to do. As I laid out my concerns, my dad listened and then began to give me some things to consider. He told me how proud he was of me for all the things I have been doing, and he reminded that in the midst of everything that I was doing I needed to stay focused on the reason I was doing the things I was doing. He told me how conferences were good things, but at the end of the day, I needed to remember the people who helped get me to the place that I am at now. He reminded me that it is so easy to get prideful and big-headed with the things that I have seen and been a part of. Yet, I must remember that everything that I have is from God. Furthermore, I must recognize those people God has used to help me get to the place I am at today. There have been so many friends and family members who have been praying for me and supporting me. However, I often overlook these people and look only to myself and to God. I have forgotten the vital role that other people have played in my life. All glory goes to God, but at the same time, we must never forget to be thankful for those around us who have also obeyed God's will in allowing us to be where we are at today.

I oftentimes forgotten this important perspective. I have gone to family get-togethers and to church, and many times I fail to recognize or acknowledge those who have supported me all these years. My dad pointed to the ways in which I have significantly changed from the person I was before. Like I said by personality, I am an introverted person who likes to keep mostly to myself. But God has completely changed me and used my weaknesses to be my strengths. Thus because of God's mercy and grace, I must continually remember to be thankful of what He has given me because I am nothing on my own. I am a weak, socially awkward, self-seeking, prideful sinner on my own. Yet God has redeemed the chief of sinners to be an ambassador of His kingdom. What an honor! What a humbling opportunity to represent the king of kings! God chose me, and he chooses you to do His awesome work. He doesn't need us, but he has allowed us to be a part of his master plan. What an exciting opportunity!

So in the midst of this all, I am thankful that I am not who I used to me. I am not the fearful child hiding behind the insecurities and self-imposed expectations of perfection. I am child of God who is fully known by the Father. I am an ambassador for Christ. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank God for who he made me to be. I thank God for those who have laid a foundation of prayer for me. I thank God for those who sacrificed so much for me to be in the place that I am in today. I thank God for my parents, my brother, and my family who put up with me. I thank God that in my weakness, He is strong. I thank God that I face so much uncertainty and confusion because he promises that all things will work out for the best. So in the face of confusion and uncertainty, I count it all joy. I choose to have an attitude of thanksgiving. I choose to have an eternal perspective that sees beyond these temporary afflictions. I choose to have a perspective that sees the blessings I have been bestowed with through the prayer and support of the family and friends who love me. I choose to have a perspective of thanksgiving because I found my identity. I am a child of God, and I am deeply loved. No one can ever steal that away from me. For all these things, I give thanks! God is good!

God, I thank you for who you are. I thank you that you love me with an everlasting love. I thank you that in spite of my weakness and insecurities you are glorified and are strong. Forgive me for losing sight of the cross. Forgive for overlooking those who have sacrificed their time and energy to be where I am at today. There is so much to be thankful for, and I often fail to see these things. Forgive me for my limited perspective and my lack of faith. God, I trust that you will provide. For you are Jehovah Jireh! Thank you for this season of thanksgiving. In times of hardships, in times of joy, I will give thanks, for you are good and you loving kindness is everlasting. Thank you Abba Father! I am not worthy. But by the blood of Jesus, You have redeemed us and given us worth! In Jesus name, Amen!

Response to Comments

Hello Everyone!

Thank you to all those who have read my blog. It is encouraging to know that there are people out there who are reading my thoughts. I want to remind you all that the things I write are personal opinions and come mainly from the things that I am learning in my daily walk with God. I know that you may not agree with everything I say or do, but I appreciate your respect and openness in responding to the things God has been doing in my life. I know I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn. I appreciate all those who have commented or responded to my entries. Although no one has responded hatefully or judgmentally, I just wanted to be proactive in letting people know that I will delete comments if I feel they are disrespectful or discriminatory. Furthermore, I have had to delete some comments from my blog not because they have been judgmental or dishonoring but solely because of questionable, and potentially misleading usernames and blog entries. I do not mean to be discriminatory or judgmental myself, but if I feel that if there is any material that may be inappropriate I reserve the right to moderate the comments. Again, I appreciate your time and your understanding.

-Carl

Veteran's Day Blogging!

Wooo.... So, I have been blogging a lot lately. I have been working really hard to try to remember and document some of the cool stuff God has been doing in Epic Movement here at ASU. I have been promising to update people on Epic, and so, now I have. I have a lot more work to do in trying to give a more complete history of last semester and this semester. But I have lay down a lot of the groundwork for what we have been doing this semester. Check it out if you get a chance: http://epicmovementasu.blogspot.com/. I have written blogs that are scheduled to post each day this week, so keep posted....haha no pun intended.

Anyhoo, I got a lot of work I need to do today. I am definitely trying to get back into the swing of things after my season of blahhness. Thankfully, I didn't have a lot of homework and stuff in the past couple of weeks. But ya, I have written so many blogs in the past week or so. It's kind of ridiculous. I guess I have just been slacking for a really long time, and I need to catch up in recording all of God's goodness.

So today is Veteran's day and 24hr prayer house was closed because of this holiday. But I really wanted to get some people together and pray for the future direction of Epic and for the campus in general. So, I went to the prayer house this morning. Two people from Epic eventually showed up, and it was so awesome to get together to worship and prayer for a couple of hours. It makes me so happy that people are responding to God. Michael and Lydia joined me this morning, and it was awesome because they could have been sleeping on this day, but they decided to pray instead. Brad was also in the prayer house because he didn't get the memo that 24prayer was on hiatus today. So we all prayed today.

Today is 11/11. There is something special about today. I feel like today is a day that represents life. I saw on facebook that today is Jaeson Ma's birthday, and it was on this day that he was supposed to be aborted. But God saved him today, and I feel like today is the birth of something new. So we prayed for the birthing of new things on this campus, and that God would pour out a new anointing. As we prayed, we got to hear Lydia play piano and lead worship for the first time. It's so awesome to see her respond to God. God is going to use her to do awesome things. I am so thankful that God brought Lydia and Michael Buster to Epic. Man, there are some crazy stories about how I met all of these people. Most of them were all divine appointments. I am planning on blogging about this one day on the Epic blog haha.

But anyway, there has been a lot stirring on my mind lately. I haven't exactly been able to put my finger on it yet. But it's good to be able to get back into the swing of things. I want to be able to just to trust God and give it all to Him. He has been showing me so much favor lately and has been opening up some new opportunities. One thing that made me really happy was being able to talk to all my friends from Epic Japan this past Sunday. It was great to see all their faces and catch up with them. I have been reminded of a lot of memories from Japan in these past couple of days. I guess its interesting to note that after all this time I am still in the midst of processing through all the things that happened. Seeing everyone has definitely helped in jogging those memories again.

Last night, I was remembering how Evan, Diana, and I would take a train for about an hour every Sunday just to go to church. It was frustrating at the time. But it taught us a lot about patience. And it was worth it every time. I remember one of those Sundays I got to share my testimony and Diana played Jesus, Lover of my soul. Gosh, so many awesome things learned on that trip. Just this morning, I was thinking about our prayer sessions that we had together in Japan. As I prepared to go pray with my Epic group at ASU, I remembered all those spontaneous prayer sessions we had in Japan. Those were powerful. I specifically remembered the time we all prayed together the day we stayed behind in Nagoya when everyone went to Tokyo. Prayer really brings people together and really opened my heart to what God was doing in Japan. I pray that He would do the same thing at ASU and across the nation. God has been working on my heart in a special way since that trip. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but it's all good. Jesus, do your thing! Good times!

Well, I need to get some work done and stuff, but I just wanted to stay caught up on my own blog. God is good, and I am continuing to walk along aside him. Here's to the new adventures ahead!

Jesus, you rock my world! Thanks for being so rad! I have no idea what I am getting myself into or what I have already gotten myself into. But I lay it all down and surrender it to you. God, forgive me for my fear. Help me to step out in boldness and no longer hold back. Help me to step out of my shell and walk into my destiny with you along my side. No more fear Jesus - Give us freedom! Work in our hearts! Birth something new today! Awaken Desperation! The light is coming! Shine on us, and may we never turn back! It's a new dawning, Lord! Lead us along the straight and narrow path. Fill us up with the Holy Spirit, and may we never lose hope in the light of who we are in You! You are good! In Jesus Name, Amen!

Brief updates on Epic and 24hr prayer

So ya, God has been doing cool things here, and I really feel like I am beginning to come out of this season and step into something new. I am definitely a lot more excited and passionate once again. Epic went really awesome on Friday. I had no idea what we were going to do, but we gave it to God in prayer. My roommate said it was probably the best Epic ever. Instead of having our traditional gathering with worship and Bible study. We spent time introducing each other and then instead of worship with music, everyone drew pictures or wrote out things. After that everyone who wanted shared what God was speaking to them through their work. It was soo powerful. It was a humbling experience for me because I realized that it wasn't about me leading; the church is really about the pepole and the talents that the people bring that often get unnoticed. I am planning on writing more about this because some awesome things happened this week. I hope to start writing on a separate Epic Movement ASU blog, so be looking for that in the next few days hopefully.

Also, on Friday, we had a student leaders meeting for loveASU, the 24 hr prayer movement here at ASU. We talked about whether we should extend 24hr prayer or if we should end at the designated time. It was so amazing to come together with other student leaders to pray and seek God's direction. After we prayed, we got to hear people's experience at the prayer house and how their shifts were going. A lot of people talked about how they were beginning to wear down and have a hard time doing their shifts. As each person talked, we began to realize that God was preparing us for a new season here at ASU. For so long, we have been doing ministry and even prayer with the same strategy. However, I think God is showing us that he wants to move us from this old strategy, or the old wineskin, and give us a new strategy, or a new wine skin, so that He can pour out new wine, or a new anointing onto ASU. God is breaking us and shifting us to a new place and calling us into greater intimacy with him so that we will be ready for this breakthrough. Above all else, we talked about how our reward is not revival our breakthrough. Our great reward is Jesus and no other! Intimacy must precede intercession, for intimacy fuels intercession.

I also got to share my heart for moving from centralization to mobilization. For so long, we have been focused on a centralized, hierarchy of leadership. However, if you look at successful movements of the past, we see how they have been grassroots movements that empowered local, indigenous people. Whether it was labor unions, civil rights movements, or the Jesus' personal ministry, these leadership structures were focused on grassroots involvement and mobilization rather than a centralized hierarchy of leadership. Think of it this way - it is the difference between a spider and a starfish. A spider represents a centralized leadership structure while a starfish represents a decentralized, mobilized structure. If you cut the head off a spider, the spider dies, but if you cut off a piece of starfish, it becomes another starfish. We must mobilize rather than centralize. This begins with younger generation. God has put on my heart the freshman class of 2012. I believe that God is going to use them to do something amazing. They will be gatekeepers who invite the presence of God into our campuses. It reminds me of the prophetic parable told through the Dr. Seuss book, "Horton hears a Who?" In the book, it is the Mayors young son that is needed to shout out and save the city. Likewise, it is the younger generation like the freshman who we must empower to do the work of God in our generation.

So ya, I got to share a lot of things on my heart. And it was cool to see how those things are resonating on the hearts of the other people. Ahh!! Good things are coming! We must be faithful and press into prayer even more! I was so encouraged after this leadership meeting. One of my friends came up to me. As he prayed for me, he gave me this cool image that God gave him for me. He saw this image of a coin and there was a small little hole in the middle of it. He said that everything I said at the meeting that day was right on the mark, and it was like a shot a hole through the coin that hit right through the middle. He told me to keep that coin and have it as a remembrance of the work God is doing in my life and of those around me.

So there's a lot going on - a lot I need to process through and pray for direction for. But like I said, I am really excited and feel a lot more revived. I am looking forward to the coming shift and transitions in my life and that of others. I am ready to allow God to move through my life and guide my every thought and action. I am ready to get back in the game and allow God to use my full faculties for His glory. I am looking forward to blogging more frequently and starting up an Epic Movement ASU blog that will hopefully encourage others in Epic and ASU to share their stories online. Yay! It is a new season, and a new thing! The flowers are about to bloom in the desert. Pray that God will protect our hearts and minds and preserve our humility and innocence as we step into this new thing.

God, You are amazing! You blow my mind away! Thank you for your faithfulness and your love. God thank you for the hardships I have had to endure in this last season. Thank you for all the lessons I have learned. Help me never to forget what you taught me. Keep me humble and hungry for more. Thank you for this new season of transition. Thank you for an amazing wedding, and thank you for a fresh new revelation of your love. Continue to pour out your spirit and your revelation and prepare our hearts for the new things you are about to release. God, prepare our hearts as we transition into a new wine skin. Help us to be ready for the new anointing you will pour out. God, make us desperate for you as we cry out with intercession. Awaken a generation to be desperate for more of your love. God, we pray that what happens here changes the world. May our intercession be fueled by our intimacy with you! Pour out your Spirit! The Spirit and the bride say come! Thank you for the amazing imagery of you love which you reveal through the marriage of a man and a woman. God, we desire to lift you higher above all things! You alone are our hearts desire! Nothing else can satisfy our thirsty souls! We love you Jesus! We want more of you! In Jesus Name, Amen!

One Legit Wedding!!!

Yay! Today was Chris and Heidi's wedding! It was legit! Seriously, there was some crazy Jesus anointing there! I have been a part of a lot of weddings, but I have never been able to experience such and awesome Spirit-filled service. There were times of worship in which I could feel the Holy Spirit moving so strongly in the sanctuary. The whole ceremony was a picture of beauty and an awesome representation of what the marriage between the church and Christ will look like. The vows they exchanged were so powerful. As I sat in the message, I was just in awe of Jesus. They took communion together and lit the unity candle together. I don't know what to really say. I am just so amazed and so honored to be part of a wedding in which Jesus was at the center of everythign that happened and the Holy Spirit was the most honored guess. It was amazing to be a part a celebration of two people becoming one that more importantly pointed to the oneness of the Bride(the Church) and Bridegroom (Christ). Chris and Heidi's wedding is what a wedding is supposed to be. Their marriage pointed to the greater significance of Christ and the Church, and Jesus was glorified in the midst of the celebration of people.

I am so honored to be a part of their lives. It is not only their marriage but their entire lives that emulate a passionate devotion and love for Christ. They have labored and prayed so hard for our campus, and their efforts have not been in vain. God has heard their intercessions and have rewarded them for their patience. It is so encouraging to hear their story of how they waited for one another and trusted God to provide. Psalm 37:4 was a key verse mentioned throughout the ceremony and reception. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Each of them waited so patiently and cast their eyes on Christ before all else, and in result, God has blessed them tremendously. They both have tremendous callings on their lives, and now that they are brought together, God is going to multiply that blessing.

I am especially blessed and inspired by their lives because I know their prayers have direcly influenced me. They are my spiritual mommy and daddy, and I know that it is through their intercession that God has helped birthed a passionate devotion for Christ and a desire to see church planted across the campuses, cities, and nations. Having been able to spend some time with them on a road trip to Colorado this summer, I got to see their hearts and their genuine love and compassion. I know that God is going to use them to raise up and give birth to a generation of lovesick worshippers and passionate prayers and church planters. God is going to bless them with both physical children and spiritual children that will impact the nations.

Like I said there was such a powerful anointing there, and their marriage represented so much of the raw passion that Christ has for the Church and the passion the Church must have for Christ. They read a passage from Song of Solomon that is so powerful. The imagery is amazing, and it represents this raw passion that we as the Church must have for Christ, and likewise it demonstrates the amazing passion He has for us.


"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jeslousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised."

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (NKJ)

To go along with this passage, Misty Edward's song, "You Won't Relent" has been speaking to me so much lately. She uses the passage from Song of Solomon to further depict this beatiful imagery between the bride and the bridegrrom. It's soooo goood! Jesus is amazing, and He won't relent until He has all of our hearts. I pray that God will renew the love affair of the Chruch and Christ once again. Jesus is Sooooo Gooood! That wedding was LEGIT!



So ya, on a side note, after the wedding Shaun Grindle and I got to hang out. We talked about the awesome stuff God is doing on the campus and in our hearts. We talked a lot about the new wine skin God is preparing us for in this next season. As we talked, I was showing him my blog, and the cool things God was showing me through it. I started looking back at my blog to an entry on May 15 called "Faceless Generation." In that post, I talked about how God put on my mind the words "Media Revolution." As I read those words, I remembered the prophetic word that I heard when I went to this Christian organization last Tuesday called Transcend. God led me to go there to listen to my friend speak. They showed this video there (see underneath). And it talks about a media revolution that is going to take place in Phoenix. It's crazy because this word was given in May as well around the same time that God spoke to me the words "Media Revolution" in this blog post. So ya, I just wanted to share that because it encourages me in knowing that God is speaking to me. And also to encourage others to journal and blog and begin to write down the things God is putting on your heart and mind. As you continue to be faithful, he will confirm things that you wrote down as time goes on.





Hmm... I have some other thoughts. But I think I'll continue them in my next blog post. Yay God!

just some thoughts...

So I just got back from my spiritual father's bachelor's party. It was a pretty cool experience to be able to share with him and the other guys. It's crazy to think that his life is forever going to be changed in a couple of days. It's going to be such a huge transition for the two of them, but I think that this marriage represents kind of what God is doing here at ASU. It's crazy to think that this marriage is happening in November especially after the prophetic word I heard a couple of days ago about how November is a month of shifting and transition. I think God is definitely doing something special this month and is preparing the hearts of people for the big things he has in store next.

So aside from the bachelor party, I met with my discipleship group today. Only one of the guys showed up. We got together shot some pool and got to talk about different things going on in our life. We talked about just the spiritual climate of the campus and just things that were on our heart concerning Campus Crusade for Christ and just the campus as a whole. As we talked, we began to mention how we really just needed to start to pray. Something that God has really been putting on our heart is to pray for the Cru house where some of the guys in Campus Crusade live. The Cru house is also where we have leadership meetings, our Epic meetings, and other get together. God has really been putting this place on peoples' hearts. In fact, I have even had a couple of pretty significant dreams about this place. So as we were talking, we decided that we needed to stop talking and follow through with what God was calling us to do. So at that moment, we decided we needed to go the Cru house and start praying.

It was such a crazy experience as we prayed together in the shack in the back of the Cru house where we meet for Epic and stuff. As we prayed, God began to put things on our hearts and minds to pray for. We began to rebuke apathy, rebellion, sexual immorality, and other foul spirits that might be afflicting the place. It's crazy because so many times we have had prayer meetings and Epic meetings, people would fall asleep. There was such a heaviness there as we prayed. But as we continued to press in prayer, God kept showing us more and giving us discernment as to what possible things might be making the spiritual air heavy. It was like my friend and I became personally revived as we prayed. Our prayers became so specific and so passionate. The presence of God truly met us in that place, and we knew that we had to continue to press in prayer. For so long, many people have said we needed to pray for this place, but so many things have gotten in the way of that. So many things have gotten in the way of the body of Christ at ASU praying. I know that so many things have gotten in the way of me praying. Yet today, when we resisted this temptation not to pray, God showed up for us in an amazing way. As we prayed against things at the Cru house, we began to realize even some of the things that were afflicting us.

It was awesome to see how God has such a desire to meet us in the place of prayer. So many times I find myself talking about possible answers and solutions or things we should try next. And so many times, I have forgotten that what we need to is go to God in prayer. I think that so many times, I haven't believed that God would give me answers or provide insight to my problems. But time after time, God is showing me that he desires to show up for us when we invite Him to be a part of the process in prayer. I pray that this would be the start of something thing - a shift in the prayer house. I trust that God will continue to impart a spirit of intercession to people at ASU and around the world to contend for His will to be done.

I am learning so much more about my own inadequacies and insufficiencies. I am learning more about the things that are holding me back from stepping into my full destiny. I think there is still a lot of fear, immaturity, pride, self-seeking, and so much more. God is working on my heart still, and it is so humbling to know that God would use a broken person like me to do the purposes of His heart. It is such a blessing and an honor. It brings me to the reality of the fact that I am really nothing without God. He is so good, and I am thankful for His many blessings.

I am realizing more and more that as a leader I must model what I preach. I realize so much that I talk to much and have a lot of words to say. Yet I am realizing that many times these words aren't often received or understood. There is so much that I want to try to say and explain many times, but I realize more and more how actions speak louder than words. It is such an eye-opener to the reality that integrity is so crucial. As leaders, what we do is so closely monitored by others, and our actions give a testimony of where are hearts are truly at. There's so much on my mind, and I have a hard time trying to sort through everything. Yet, I am so thankful that God is in control and that He is watching out for us.

One thing that really struck me this morning was a conversation two women were having at the crosswalk today. They were talking about babies, and I just happened to catch part of their conversation. One lady was telling the other how ultrasounds these days show babies smiling in even the earliest stages of infancy. She said that in the old days, ultrasounds would only show a peanut looking shape. As she said this, I was thinking to myself how can we kill these babies knowing that even in the earliest stages of birth, we can see smiles on their faces. It brought to mind the reality, that babies even when first conceived represent a special and significant life.

So ya, just some thoughts on my mind that I wanted to get out there. It's pretty late here, but I want to make a better effort to record my thoughts and things on my blog. I just really want to record these things especially in this season of shifting and transition. God is going to do some pretty crazy things here coming up soon. It's going to be a big deal. I just pray that we would usher in the Spirit of God through our intercession.

God, you are big. You are awesome! Words cannot express the joy your presence brings to my soul. God, I pray that our generation would experience your joy, your love, your presence. Impart a spirit of intercession amongst your people. Awaken desperation in our souls. Bring unity to the body. Give us a righteous hunger and thirst to pray and seek your face. You said that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be satisfied. Satisfy us with your presence O Lord. Turn our hearts back to you. God, may we stop talking and start praying. Break off any hindrances that keep us from praying. We thank you Lord that you are faithful. We love you because you first loved us. Pour out your mercy and your steadfast love. In Jesus Name, Amen!