Crossroads

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

I don't know about you, but I often get into these weird dry spells where I need and want to get things done but I feel like I am paralyzed and cannot do anything. I sometimes get into these seasons where I am really gung-ho about getting things accomplished but I end up doing nothing and wasting time. I get into times of restlessness which I think is especially during times of break and times of big decisions and transitions. I was reading through some of my old journal entries from way back when I first started journaling (which I guess was only about a year ago haha), and I realized that this isn't something new to me. It's crazy because when I think about it now I realize that I am in another crazy transition time, and I believe that the decisions and choices I make here in the next few weeks will shape what this next year will look like.

So like I said, I looked back at some journals and was reading back on the big decisions that I have made around this time of the year for the past two years. Two years ago was the first time I truly decided to surrender my entire life to Christ. It was December 31 2006. My church invited me to speak at our very first Youth Sunday. After speaking, my pastor challenged me to think about going into ministry. I was an engineering and pre-med major at the time, but after wrestling with God over winter break I realized that He was calling me to do something more than what I had planned for myself. Over winter break, I gave up all my dreams and desires for my future career and decided to follow God. My life quickly turned around as crazy opportunities came up and I found myself leading a youth group, leading a small group, and then starting up Epic Movement. My life changed a lot in that one year since God called me to follow Him and give up my own desires.

Then the next winter, I went to Winter Conference in San Diego from December 28- 31, 2007. Long story short, I got rocked hard core by God. At first I was very hesitant to go. It was kind of awkward being there too. I felt out of place at times. But it was there that so many significant things took place. I met my friend Sara there for the first time, and that was the start of some crazy adventures haha. I saw Jaeson Ma speak for the first time, and if you know me at all, I am now borderline stalkerish (jk I'm really not, but it definitely can appear that way sometimes haha). What I mean to say is that Jaeson Ma has been an influential Christian role model in my life who has really changed the way I view my walk with God and the understanding of the passion that He has for me. Also, it was at that conference that ASU began to come together in unity and decided to have a clothes drive to respond to the things God was placing on our hearts and give back to the community. It was here that God opened my eyes to my love for material things above the things of God. I totally brought my nicest clothes to this conference because I wanted to be recognized. I wanted others to see me in order to validate my worth. God crushed this spirit of materialism at this conference as He asked me to give up all the clothes that I brought. It was tough, but I don't regret it at all.

So in the past two years, God has invited me to significant opportunities at the end of each year that have shaped my outlook and attitude in the new year. The first year God broke through my selfish ambitions and desires. He took my dream and aspirations and showed me that His ways were better than mine. He took me from being a shy, reserved boy and made me into a leader and a pioneer. Then the next winter, God took my insecurities and man-pleasing desires and showed me that He alone was my satisfaction. I realized that nothing else could satisfy me than the presence of God in my life. I definitely still struggle in these areas from time to time, but God has worked in my life in crazy ways these past two winters in preparing me for a new year. In the past two years, each year has only gotten better and better in experiencing the goodness and the blessings of God while seeing tremendous growth in my life. The friendships and the experiences of San Diego Winter Conference eventually introduced me to what it meant to be filled with the Spirit, and it changed my life completely. So here I am at another crossroads in my life. I believe that God is going to show up in huge ways and call me into new things in this coming winter break. It's kinda scary to think about what that might be this year. But now that I think about it, I able to put all these things in perspective in light of what God has been doing in my life in the years past.

It's funny because just last weekend I went to a conference called Crossroads with Campus Crusade. It was a really awesome experience. It was like a spiritual re-charge to get to hear about the awesome things God is doing while being able to talk about and remember the things that God is doing in my own life. I had a lot of fun driving up there with the people in my car. I talked so much about God and how rad He is. I haven't talked with that much passion in a while, and it really encouraged me to rekindle those flames of passion that are inside of me. In addition to that it was so awesome to see some of my friends from my Epic Japan trip there. I love those guys so much. They are definitely like family. It's crazy how close we grew over the summer. I finally got to meet the national director of Epic there also, and it was great just to hang out with some others from Epic Movement and hear about what God is doing on their campuses. There were some awkward moments here and there thanks to the lovely people from UH, but what can I expect I suppose, but that's a whole other story that I will not get into here haha. Anyway, the conference was really great, and it helped bring some clarity about deciding things for the future.

Conferences are always nice, but the hard part is the practical application once you get home. I was spiritually recharged after that conference, but then the reality of the situation hit when I got back home: I have some really big decisions to make. And so that's where I am not now. I am stuck in this dilemma of what to decide. Do I intern with Campus Crusade or do I go to seminary? Or do I do both? Those are some more long term decisions I am thinking through right now. I got to talk to an advisor form Fuller Seminary last week after the Crossroads conference so now I must pray and begin to way my decisions. It is interesting to see what God will do in my life. It could be something completely opposite from what I mentioned or expect. But God's plan is always the best, so I'm down with whatever He wants.

I guess the hardest decision I'm going through right now is deciding what I will do during December 28-31. Haha, I guess I just find it pretty crazy that this period of time has been influential in shaping the year for me for the past couple of years, and I find myself now having to make a decision about where I am going to be. Right now, I am deciding between staying home with family, going to San Diego Winter Conference, or going to One Thing. There is a lot involved in each decision, and I must trust and pray and seek God about what His calling is. Right now, I feel like God has opened up an awesome opportunity to go to OneThing. While I was at Crossroads in California, one of my good friends called me and told me a crazy story about how he felt like God was calling us to go there for this conference. It's gonna be a pretty intense conference. They say it might be the single most important conference they have ever had through IHOP. There is a lot to process through, and I don't want to get into all the details here.

But I guess what I want to try to get at is the fact that in times of big decisions I often find myself feeling paralyzed and immobile. I want to surrender all that to God, right now. It's a major crossroads that I am facing once again. Yet, I know that whatever decision I make God will be with me and is sovereign in all things. It comes to a point when we are at the crossroads that we must ask God for direction. Jeremiah 6:16 says ask for the "ancient path" and ask for the "good way" God wants us to ask Him for what the ancient path of those of came before us looked like. He wants us to ask for wise counsel from our elders. I guess when I think about it it's really cool that God invites us into these big decisions where we must trust Him alone to guide us and direct us. We must rely on Him for strength and wisdom. In the midst of these decisions, we draw closer to God and see our own weaknesses and insecurities.

I know after this is all said and done, I will look back at this decision and see that it probably pales in comparison to other decisions I will make in the future. But it's situations like these that help prepare us for the future and help us make those tough decisions that we will soon face. God doesn't allow us to go through things that we cannot bear, and He always provides a way out. It's encouraging to know that even in these decisions God is preparing us for even greater decisions and even harder circumstances. I long for the day when we can go heaven and hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" (Matthew 25:23). We must remain faithful to God in the daily decisions we make, and it is when we do that that He will entrust us with more. David didn't slay Goliath without prior preparation. He didn't have a one time cram session or last minute preparation. His whole life up to that point was an example to his obedience and faithfulness to the duties that He was put in charge of. David tended His flock faithfully; he protected his sheep from lions and bears; he waited patiently in the fields for his time to come. And I guess, I often forget that it is not the big decisions that define us. It is the little decisions that we make every day that reflect our relationship with God. So many times, my life stops, and I feel restless and immobile as I contemplate and ponder huge decisions. But God wants us to rest in Him and continue to be faithful in our walk with Him. I have often been reminded that breakthrough comes most quickly not when we are striving and seeking after answers, but when we are resting and finding our satisfaction in God.

I think that in this season God is reminding me that in this period of decision I must look back to the source of it all. As I stand at the crossroads, I must remember the old paths and the old ways that got me to the point that I am at today. I must remember Jeremiah 6:16 "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." God wants to give rest to our weary souls, and He does not desire for us to be anxious. I believe that this comes when we remember that He alone is our true satisfaction. So many times I desire to seek God in order to see new breakthrough and have new revelation. My life stops in paralysis because I do not want to do anything until I know what God wants me to do. But God doesn't want us to seek breakthrough or new revelation. When we stand at the crossroads of life, God is reminding us that He is our breakthrough. He is our greatest reward. Nothing else can give us more joy than He alone. New revelations; new breakthroughs in our personal lives or our ministries - they are all secondary to our greatest reward - the person of Jesus Christ Himself.

So I'll end with this, 1 Peter 5:6-7 states, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." God cares for our every need and our every concern. He cares about the decisions that we me make and the hardships we go through. But at the end of the day, we must remember why we are here. We are here to bring glory to God. We must remember the Great commandment. Love God and love others. When we come to remember that God loves us and we have everything because of Him, He will show up for us and lead us in the right direction. We must humble our hearts in realization that the very reason we have an opportunity to make big decisions that will influence the rest of our lives is because God gave us those awesome opportunities. I believe that God is showing us that when we humble our hearts in submission and acknowledgment that He truly is sovereign - all-powerful and all-knowing - He will lead us to that next step. God will raise us up in proper time, but only when He sees that we are ready. Our pride must be broken down completely. Our self-seeking must be blotted out. Our lives must be given to true surrender and humility. So here I am at the crossroads, Lord. Today, I remember that all I am is yours. You alone are my satisfaction.

God, forgive me for my pride and my self-seeking. Forgive me for wasting times striving after answers when you want me to find rest in you. Lord, I know that you have what is best for me. Help me to walk in your rest and be restored by the joy of my salvation. Forgive me for straying to the left and to the right and forgetting that that road is straight and narrow. God, I pray that you would humble my heart. God, humble the hearts of my generation. May we be forerunners than run faithfully after you. But above all else, may we love you above all things. May we pursue you as a precious jewel. May we give up all that we have in pursuit of the One thing that truly matters in our life. You are the desire of our hearts, O Lord. May nothing else ever come to take that place. God, give us clean hands and pure hearts that we ascend your holy hill. May we desire to seek you face to face. We cast down our idols, and we turn our backs to the things of this world. We repent from our sinful ways, and we turn our hearts back to you. God our prayers echo that of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:12, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." We don't know where to turn, O God. We are at the crossroads. God, we pray that you would reveal to us your ancient path. We pray that you would show us the good way. Our eyes are on you father. Our eyes are set on You, the author and perfecter of our faith. We love you Lord. All praise and glory belongs to you. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen!