Crossroads

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

I don't know about you, but I often get into these weird dry spells where I need and want to get things done but I feel like I am paralyzed and cannot do anything. I sometimes get into these seasons where I am really gung-ho about getting things accomplished but I end up doing nothing and wasting time. I get into times of restlessness which I think is especially during times of break and times of big decisions and transitions. I was reading through some of my old journal entries from way back when I first started journaling (which I guess was only about a year ago haha), and I realized that this isn't something new to me. It's crazy because when I think about it now I realize that I am in another crazy transition time, and I believe that the decisions and choices I make here in the next few weeks will shape what this next year will look like.

So like I said, I looked back at some journals and was reading back on the big decisions that I have made around this time of the year for the past two years. Two years ago was the first time I truly decided to surrender my entire life to Christ. It was December 31 2006. My church invited me to speak at our very first Youth Sunday. After speaking, my pastor challenged me to think about going into ministry. I was an engineering and pre-med major at the time, but after wrestling with God over winter break I realized that He was calling me to do something more than what I had planned for myself. Over winter break, I gave up all my dreams and desires for my future career and decided to follow God. My life quickly turned around as crazy opportunities came up and I found myself leading a youth group, leading a small group, and then starting up Epic Movement. My life changed a lot in that one year since God called me to follow Him and give up my own desires.

Then the next winter, I went to Winter Conference in San Diego from December 28- 31, 2007. Long story short, I got rocked hard core by God. At first I was very hesitant to go. It was kind of awkward being there too. I felt out of place at times. But it was there that so many significant things took place. I met my friend Sara there for the first time, and that was the start of some crazy adventures haha. I saw Jaeson Ma speak for the first time, and if you know me at all, I am now borderline stalkerish (jk I'm really not, but it definitely can appear that way sometimes haha). What I mean to say is that Jaeson Ma has been an influential Christian role model in my life who has really changed the way I view my walk with God and the understanding of the passion that He has for me. Also, it was at that conference that ASU began to come together in unity and decided to have a clothes drive to respond to the things God was placing on our hearts and give back to the community. It was here that God opened my eyes to my love for material things above the things of God. I totally brought my nicest clothes to this conference because I wanted to be recognized. I wanted others to see me in order to validate my worth. God crushed this spirit of materialism at this conference as He asked me to give up all the clothes that I brought. It was tough, but I don't regret it at all.

So in the past two years, God has invited me to significant opportunities at the end of each year that have shaped my outlook and attitude in the new year. The first year God broke through my selfish ambitions and desires. He took my dream and aspirations and showed me that His ways were better than mine. He took me from being a shy, reserved boy and made me into a leader and a pioneer. Then the next winter, God took my insecurities and man-pleasing desires and showed me that He alone was my satisfaction. I realized that nothing else could satisfy me than the presence of God in my life. I definitely still struggle in these areas from time to time, but God has worked in my life in crazy ways these past two winters in preparing me for a new year. In the past two years, each year has only gotten better and better in experiencing the goodness and the blessings of God while seeing tremendous growth in my life. The friendships and the experiences of San Diego Winter Conference eventually introduced me to what it meant to be filled with the Spirit, and it changed my life completely. So here I am at another crossroads in my life. I believe that God is going to show up in huge ways and call me into new things in this coming winter break. It's kinda scary to think about what that might be this year. But now that I think about it, I able to put all these things in perspective in light of what God has been doing in my life in the years past.

It's funny because just last weekend I went to a conference called Crossroads with Campus Crusade. It was a really awesome experience. It was like a spiritual re-charge to get to hear about the awesome things God is doing while being able to talk about and remember the things that God is doing in my own life. I had a lot of fun driving up there with the people in my car. I talked so much about God and how rad He is. I haven't talked with that much passion in a while, and it really encouraged me to rekindle those flames of passion that are inside of me. In addition to that it was so awesome to see some of my friends from my Epic Japan trip there. I love those guys so much. They are definitely like family. It's crazy how close we grew over the summer. I finally got to meet the national director of Epic there also, and it was great just to hang out with some others from Epic Movement and hear about what God is doing on their campuses. There were some awkward moments here and there thanks to the lovely people from UH, but what can I expect I suppose, but that's a whole other story that I will not get into here haha. Anyway, the conference was really great, and it helped bring some clarity about deciding things for the future.

Conferences are always nice, but the hard part is the practical application once you get home. I was spiritually recharged after that conference, but then the reality of the situation hit when I got back home: I have some really big decisions to make. And so that's where I am not now. I am stuck in this dilemma of what to decide. Do I intern with Campus Crusade or do I go to seminary? Or do I do both? Those are some more long term decisions I am thinking through right now. I got to talk to an advisor form Fuller Seminary last week after the Crossroads conference so now I must pray and begin to way my decisions. It is interesting to see what God will do in my life. It could be something completely opposite from what I mentioned or expect. But God's plan is always the best, so I'm down with whatever He wants.

I guess the hardest decision I'm going through right now is deciding what I will do during December 28-31. Haha, I guess I just find it pretty crazy that this period of time has been influential in shaping the year for me for the past couple of years, and I find myself now having to make a decision about where I am going to be. Right now, I am deciding between staying home with family, going to San Diego Winter Conference, or going to One Thing. There is a lot involved in each decision, and I must trust and pray and seek God about what His calling is. Right now, I feel like God has opened up an awesome opportunity to go to OneThing. While I was at Crossroads in California, one of my good friends called me and told me a crazy story about how he felt like God was calling us to go there for this conference. It's gonna be a pretty intense conference. They say it might be the single most important conference they have ever had through IHOP. There is a lot to process through, and I don't want to get into all the details here.

But I guess what I want to try to get at is the fact that in times of big decisions I often find myself feeling paralyzed and immobile. I want to surrender all that to God, right now. It's a major crossroads that I am facing once again. Yet, I know that whatever decision I make God will be with me and is sovereign in all things. It comes to a point when we are at the crossroads that we must ask God for direction. Jeremiah 6:16 says ask for the "ancient path" and ask for the "good way" God wants us to ask Him for what the ancient path of those of came before us looked like. He wants us to ask for wise counsel from our elders. I guess when I think about it it's really cool that God invites us into these big decisions where we must trust Him alone to guide us and direct us. We must rely on Him for strength and wisdom. In the midst of these decisions, we draw closer to God and see our own weaknesses and insecurities.

I know after this is all said and done, I will look back at this decision and see that it probably pales in comparison to other decisions I will make in the future. But it's situations like these that help prepare us for the future and help us make those tough decisions that we will soon face. God doesn't allow us to go through things that we cannot bear, and He always provides a way out. It's encouraging to know that even in these decisions God is preparing us for even greater decisions and even harder circumstances. I long for the day when we can go heaven and hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" (Matthew 25:23). We must remain faithful to God in the daily decisions we make, and it is when we do that that He will entrust us with more. David didn't slay Goliath without prior preparation. He didn't have a one time cram session or last minute preparation. His whole life up to that point was an example to his obedience and faithfulness to the duties that He was put in charge of. David tended His flock faithfully; he protected his sheep from lions and bears; he waited patiently in the fields for his time to come. And I guess, I often forget that it is not the big decisions that define us. It is the little decisions that we make every day that reflect our relationship with God. So many times, my life stops, and I feel restless and immobile as I contemplate and ponder huge decisions. But God wants us to rest in Him and continue to be faithful in our walk with Him. I have often been reminded that breakthrough comes most quickly not when we are striving and seeking after answers, but when we are resting and finding our satisfaction in God.

I think that in this season God is reminding me that in this period of decision I must look back to the source of it all. As I stand at the crossroads, I must remember the old paths and the old ways that got me to the point that I am at today. I must remember Jeremiah 6:16 "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." God wants to give rest to our weary souls, and He does not desire for us to be anxious. I believe that this comes when we remember that He alone is our true satisfaction. So many times I desire to seek God in order to see new breakthrough and have new revelation. My life stops in paralysis because I do not want to do anything until I know what God wants me to do. But God doesn't want us to seek breakthrough or new revelation. When we stand at the crossroads of life, God is reminding us that He is our breakthrough. He is our greatest reward. Nothing else can give us more joy than He alone. New revelations; new breakthroughs in our personal lives or our ministries - they are all secondary to our greatest reward - the person of Jesus Christ Himself.

So I'll end with this, 1 Peter 5:6-7 states, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." God cares for our every need and our every concern. He cares about the decisions that we me make and the hardships we go through. But at the end of the day, we must remember why we are here. We are here to bring glory to God. We must remember the Great commandment. Love God and love others. When we come to remember that God loves us and we have everything because of Him, He will show up for us and lead us in the right direction. We must humble our hearts in realization that the very reason we have an opportunity to make big decisions that will influence the rest of our lives is because God gave us those awesome opportunities. I believe that God is showing us that when we humble our hearts in submission and acknowledgment that He truly is sovereign - all-powerful and all-knowing - He will lead us to that next step. God will raise us up in proper time, but only when He sees that we are ready. Our pride must be broken down completely. Our self-seeking must be blotted out. Our lives must be given to true surrender and humility. So here I am at the crossroads, Lord. Today, I remember that all I am is yours. You alone are my satisfaction.

God, forgive me for my pride and my self-seeking. Forgive me for wasting times striving after answers when you want me to find rest in you. Lord, I know that you have what is best for me. Help me to walk in your rest and be restored by the joy of my salvation. Forgive me for straying to the left and to the right and forgetting that that road is straight and narrow. God, I pray that you would humble my heart. God, humble the hearts of my generation. May we be forerunners than run faithfully after you. But above all else, may we love you above all things. May we pursue you as a precious jewel. May we give up all that we have in pursuit of the One thing that truly matters in our life. You are the desire of our hearts, O Lord. May nothing else ever come to take that place. God, give us clean hands and pure hearts that we ascend your holy hill. May we desire to seek you face to face. We cast down our idols, and we turn our backs to the things of this world. We repent from our sinful ways, and we turn our hearts back to you. God our prayers echo that of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:12, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." We don't know where to turn, O God. We are at the crossroads. God, we pray that you would reveal to us your ancient path. We pray that you would show us the good way. Our eyes are on you father. Our eyes are set on You, the author and perfecter of our faith. We love you Lord. All praise and glory belongs to you. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen!

Perspectives...

Wow...it's been two weeks since I last posted on my blog. I think I have been trying to find the opportune time to process through all my thoughts and submit a summary of the things I have been thinking through. That time definitely has not happened yet. Instead of things becoming clearer, more and more stuff has come on my plate. But it's the season for Thanksgiving so in the midst of all this craziness, I definitely want to take a second and recap the things I am thankful for.

With that in mind, I want to take a few moments to reflect on these two passages.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

First off, I find it pretty crazy that I have used the verse in Philippians so many times when praying for people. I pray for people to have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to guard their hearts and minds. But what I have realized is that I have been leaving out the "thanksgiving" part when I quote the verse. This is pretty ironic because lately I feel like I tend to find myself in a perpetual pity party (ya nice alliteration i know:-D). I have often found myself complaining and finding fault in many things. As of late, one of the biggest frustrations I have had is our western conceptions of what the church is supposed to look like and do. I feel like so many times we have taken away from the original, organic nature of the church as it existed in the days of the New Testament. We have often placed traditions and societal expectations upon the church rather than allowing it to be led by the Holy Spirit. Now, I know not all of church is like this. But in recent weeks, I have had so much frustration with the conservative church I guess you can call it.

God has totally been convicting me of this. It's funny because in this crazy season of growth, I have experienced the moves of the Holy Spirit so much especially in being involved with the 24hr prayer movement and other things of this nature. I think that in result of this I became very dependent upon this "feeling" to feel good about myself. I often times didn't experience in my church or in the places I went to seek God and thus I got really frustrated. However, lately God has shown me that His Spirit is at work not only in the more charismatic movements; God is moving everywhere. A couple of Sundays ago, I begrudgingly went to church despite my desire to stay home and really just wait on God and spend some time with Him alone. However, as I sat in the pews my pastor gave a message about Thanksgiving. He talked about how when we give thanks instead of complaining, our mentality and our attitude will completely change and we will not be bitter or frustrated all the time. He said something to the affect of people complain not because there are problems, but that problems exist because people complain. Ya so at that point, there was instant conviction. I have realized that I have been so frustrated toward things, even church at times, to the point that I was causing problems for myself and for those around me.

Then, from that point on, God has been showing me the amazing ways he has been working in the very places I have been frustrated with. It's funny because recently it has been in these places that I have been frustrated with that I have felt the presence of God most strongly lately. I haven't wanted to go to church in a while because of the frustration that I have had, but it has been in that place I have seen the God working the most lately. I haven't been to Campus Crusade meetings on Thursdays lately because I have been busy doing things in the Asian American community and when I do have a chance I have been somewhat hesitant to go. However, in the last couple of weeks that I have been to the meetings, I have been moved so strongly moved by the Holy Spirit in ways that I haven't experienced in a while.

Then, this last weekend, I went to a conference called Crossroads with Crusade that helps with deciding about your future. It was really good. I have this problem of despising going to conferences only to be completely blown away at them. Then, when there is a conference I want to go to, there is so much complications in the way - more on this later though. Before I talk about Crossroads, I also wanted to mention another observation I have noticed about myself. I am really socially awkward. Let me qualify this statement and clarify it. Haha, so God has changed my life a lot. It's been almost a year since my life took a complete turn - ironically it began at a conference that I didn't want to go to. Before God changed me, I was really shy, quiet, and kept to myself. In fact, my personality is mainly introverted, but with the shift God has allowed me to be in a position where I am required to be a lot more outgoing. Ever since God changed my life, the little, introverted me has been empowered to speak with confidence at my church and lead different groups. It's a complete shift. I was just talking about this with my dad today - also more on this later, hopefully. (Sorry, I have a lot on my mind that I'm trying to process, bear with me). So ya, like I used to be really shy and quiet and now God is using me to speak to lots of people with power and authority. It's totally a God thing. Haha so in the midst of this I often find myself reverting to my old ways of wanting to be myself and anti-social. With my personality, I really need a lot of space on my own if I will be able to be around a lot of people for a while.

So anyway, back to my point of being socially awkward. As you know from my blogs, I can write a lot which translates to real life into talking a lot. I can talk a lot. But the only things I can ever talk about is God. I can talk about God and how awesome He is and the way society is going to be transformed all day. You can ask the people who drove with me to Crossroads. I talked a lot haha. But I am not very good at talking about anything else other than God. Given not everyone is good at small talk and getting to know people, but I am really bad at engaging in conversation and getting to know people. I mean I really have a heart for people, and I really do care about them. But in my flesh, I often find myself not caring about taking an initiative and not wanting to talk to people. It's totally the old me coming out. But on the flip side when you get me talking about God and how amazing He is; it's like a never ending story - as it should be. Maybe you can relate to this, I don't know. But, I think it is a funny dichotomy because it represents the work that God has done in me, and it shows my fleshly side versus the work of God in my life. It's such a blessing to know that God has transformed my life, and I am not the same. But it is also humbling to remember that without God I am nothing, and I have such a long way to go.

Since I have engaged this topic of change, I think I will talk about the ways things I have changed and the different perspectives I must keep in mind, and then in other posts I will talk about crossroads, decisions, and other things for the sake of length.

So I have been grappling with a lot of decisions the past couple of weeks, and I got to talk to my dad about some of them today. I was telling him about all these conferences I am thinking about going to and all the complications with all of them that make it hard to decide what to do. As I laid out my concerns, my dad listened and then began to give me some things to consider. He told me how proud he was of me for all the things I have been doing, and he reminded that in the midst of everything that I was doing I needed to stay focused on the reason I was doing the things I was doing. He told me how conferences were good things, but at the end of the day, I needed to remember the people who helped get me to the place that I am at now. He reminded me that it is so easy to get prideful and big-headed with the things that I have seen and been a part of. Yet, I must remember that everything that I have is from God. Furthermore, I must recognize those people God has used to help me get to the place I am at today. There have been so many friends and family members who have been praying for me and supporting me. However, I often overlook these people and look only to myself and to God. I have forgotten the vital role that other people have played in my life. All glory goes to God, but at the same time, we must never forget to be thankful for those around us who have also obeyed God's will in allowing us to be where we are at today.

I oftentimes forgotten this important perspective. I have gone to family get-togethers and to church, and many times I fail to recognize or acknowledge those who have supported me all these years. My dad pointed to the ways in which I have significantly changed from the person I was before. Like I said by personality, I am an introverted person who likes to keep mostly to myself. But God has completely changed me and used my weaknesses to be my strengths. Thus because of God's mercy and grace, I must continually remember to be thankful of what He has given me because I am nothing on my own. I am a weak, socially awkward, self-seeking, prideful sinner on my own. Yet God has redeemed the chief of sinners to be an ambassador of His kingdom. What an honor! What a humbling opportunity to represent the king of kings! God chose me, and he chooses you to do His awesome work. He doesn't need us, but he has allowed us to be a part of his master plan. What an exciting opportunity!

So in the midst of this all, I am thankful that I am not who I used to me. I am not the fearful child hiding behind the insecurities and self-imposed expectations of perfection. I am child of God who is fully known by the Father. I am an ambassador for Christ. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank God for who he made me to be. I thank God for those who have laid a foundation of prayer for me. I thank God for those who sacrificed so much for me to be in the place that I am in today. I thank God for my parents, my brother, and my family who put up with me. I thank God that in my weakness, He is strong. I thank God that I face so much uncertainty and confusion because he promises that all things will work out for the best. So in the face of confusion and uncertainty, I count it all joy. I choose to have an attitude of thanksgiving. I choose to have an eternal perspective that sees beyond these temporary afflictions. I choose to have a perspective that sees the blessings I have been bestowed with through the prayer and support of the family and friends who love me. I choose to have a perspective of thanksgiving because I found my identity. I am a child of God, and I am deeply loved. No one can ever steal that away from me. For all these things, I give thanks! God is good!

God, I thank you for who you are. I thank you that you love me with an everlasting love. I thank you that in spite of my weakness and insecurities you are glorified and are strong. Forgive me for losing sight of the cross. Forgive for overlooking those who have sacrificed their time and energy to be where I am at today. There is so much to be thankful for, and I often fail to see these things. Forgive me for my limited perspective and my lack of faith. God, I trust that you will provide. For you are Jehovah Jireh! Thank you for this season of thanksgiving. In times of hardships, in times of joy, I will give thanks, for you are good and you loving kindness is everlasting. Thank you Abba Father! I am not worthy. But by the blood of Jesus, You have redeemed us and given us worth! In Jesus name, Amen!

Response to Comments

Hello Everyone!

Thank you to all those who have read my blog. It is encouraging to know that there are people out there who are reading my thoughts. I want to remind you all that the things I write are personal opinions and come mainly from the things that I am learning in my daily walk with God. I know that you may not agree with everything I say or do, but I appreciate your respect and openness in responding to the things God has been doing in my life. I know I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn. I appreciate all those who have commented or responded to my entries. Although no one has responded hatefully or judgmentally, I just wanted to be proactive in letting people know that I will delete comments if I feel they are disrespectful or discriminatory. Furthermore, I have had to delete some comments from my blog not because they have been judgmental or dishonoring but solely because of questionable, and potentially misleading usernames and blog entries. I do not mean to be discriminatory or judgmental myself, but if I feel that if there is any material that may be inappropriate I reserve the right to moderate the comments. Again, I appreciate your time and your understanding.

-Carl

Veteran's Day Blogging!

Wooo.... So, I have been blogging a lot lately. I have been working really hard to try to remember and document some of the cool stuff God has been doing in Epic Movement here at ASU. I have been promising to update people on Epic, and so, now I have. I have a lot more work to do in trying to give a more complete history of last semester and this semester. But I have lay down a lot of the groundwork for what we have been doing this semester. Check it out if you get a chance: http://epicmovementasu.blogspot.com/. I have written blogs that are scheduled to post each day this week, so keep posted....haha no pun intended.

Anyhoo, I got a lot of work I need to do today. I am definitely trying to get back into the swing of things after my season of blahhness. Thankfully, I didn't have a lot of homework and stuff in the past couple of weeks. But ya, I have written so many blogs in the past week or so. It's kind of ridiculous. I guess I have just been slacking for a really long time, and I need to catch up in recording all of God's goodness.

So today is Veteran's day and 24hr prayer house was closed because of this holiday. But I really wanted to get some people together and pray for the future direction of Epic and for the campus in general. So, I went to the prayer house this morning. Two people from Epic eventually showed up, and it was so awesome to get together to worship and prayer for a couple of hours. It makes me so happy that people are responding to God. Michael and Lydia joined me this morning, and it was awesome because they could have been sleeping on this day, but they decided to pray instead. Brad was also in the prayer house because he didn't get the memo that 24prayer was on hiatus today. So we all prayed today.

Today is 11/11. There is something special about today. I feel like today is a day that represents life. I saw on facebook that today is Jaeson Ma's birthday, and it was on this day that he was supposed to be aborted. But God saved him today, and I feel like today is the birth of something new. So we prayed for the birthing of new things on this campus, and that God would pour out a new anointing. As we prayed, we got to hear Lydia play piano and lead worship for the first time. It's so awesome to see her respond to God. God is going to use her to do awesome things. I am so thankful that God brought Lydia and Michael Buster to Epic. Man, there are some crazy stories about how I met all of these people. Most of them were all divine appointments. I am planning on blogging about this one day on the Epic blog haha.

But anyway, there has been a lot stirring on my mind lately. I haven't exactly been able to put my finger on it yet. But it's good to be able to get back into the swing of things. I want to be able to just to trust God and give it all to Him. He has been showing me so much favor lately and has been opening up some new opportunities. One thing that made me really happy was being able to talk to all my friends from Epic Japan this past Sunday. It was great to see all their faces and catch up with them. I have been reminded of a lot of memories from Japan in these past couple of days. I guess its interesting to note that after all this time I am still in the midst of processing through all the things that happened. Seeing everyone has definitely helped in jogging those memories again.

Last night, I was remembering how Evan, Diana, and I would take a train for about an hour every Sunday just to go to church. It was frustrating at the time. But it taught us a lot about patience. And it was worth it every time. I remember one of those Sundays I got to share my testimony and Diana played Jesus, Lover of my soul. Gosh, so many awesome things learned on that trip. Just this morning, I was thinking about our prayer sessions that we had together in Japan. As I prepared to go pray with my Epic group at ASU, I remembered all those spontaneous prayer sessions we had in Japan. Those were powerful. I specifically remembered the time we all prayed together the day we stayed behind in Nagoya when everyone went to Tokyo. Prayer really brings people together and really opened my heart to what God was doing in Japan. I pray that He would do the same thing at ASU and across the nation. God has been working on my heart in a special way since that trip. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but it's all good. Jesus, do your thing! Good times!

Well, I need to get some work done and stuff, but I just wanted to stay caught up on my own blog. God is good, and I am continuing to walk along aside him. Here's to the new adventures ahead!

Jesus, you rock my world! Thanks for being so rad! I have no idea what I am getting myself into or what I have already gotten myself into. But I lay it all down and surrender it to you. God, forgive me for my fear. Help me to step out in boldness and no longer hold back. Help me to step out of my shell and walk into my destiny with you along my side. No more fear Jesus - Give us freedom! Work in our hearts! Birth something new today! Awaken Desperation! The light is coming! Shine on us, and may we never turn back! It's a new dawning, Lord! Lead us along the straight and narrow path. Fill us up with the Holy Spirit, and may we never lose hope in the light of who we are in You! You are good! In Jesus Name, Amen!

Brief updates on Epic and 24hr prayer

So ya, God has been doing cool things here, and I really feel like I am beginning to come out of this season and step into something new. I am definitely a lot more excited and passionate once again. Epic went really awesome on Friday. I had no idea what we were going to do, but we gave it to God in prayer. My roommate said it was probably the best Epic ever. Instead of having our traditional gathering with worship and Bible study. We spent time introducing each other and then instead of worship with music, everyone drew pictures or wrote out things. After that everyone who wanted shared what God was speaking to them through their work. It was soo powerful. It was a humbling experience for me because I realized that it wasn't about me leading; the church is really about the pepole and the talents that the people bring that often get unnoticed. I am planning on writing more about this because some awesome things happened this week. I hope to start writing on a separate Epic Movement ASU blog, so be looking for that in the next few days hopefully.

Also, on Friday, we had a student leaders meeting for loveASU, the 24 hr prayer movement here at ASU. We talked about whether we should extend 24hr prayer or if we should end at the designated time. It was so amazing to come together with other student leaders to pray and seek God's direction. After we prayed, we got to hear people's experience at the prayer house and how their shifts were going. A lot of people talked about how they were beginning to wear down and have a hard time doing their shifts. As each person talked, we began to realize that God was preparing us for a new season here at ASU. For so long, we have been doing ministry and even prayer with the same strategy. However, I think God is showing us that he wants to move us from this old strategy, or the old wineskin, and give us a new strategy, or a new wine skin, so that He can pour out new wine, or a new anointing onto ASU. God is breaking us and shifting us to a new place and calling us into greater intimacy with him so that we will be ready for this breakthrough. Above all else, we talked about how our reward is not revival our breakthrough. Our great reward is Jesus and no other! Intimacy must precede intercession, for intimacy fuels intercession.

I also got to share my heart for moving from centralization to mobilization. For so long, we have been focused on a centralized, hierarchy of leadership. However, if you look at successful movements of the past, we see how they have been grassroots movements that empowered local, indigenous people. Whether it was labor unions, civil rights movements, or the Jesus' personal ministry, these leadership structures were focused on grassroots involvement and mobilization rather than a centralized hierarchy of leadership. Think of it this way - it is the difference between a spider and a starfish. A spider represents a centralized leadership structure while a starfish represents a decentralized, mobilized structure. If you cut the head off a spider, the spider dies, but if you cut off a piece of starfish, it becomes another starfish. We must mobilize rather than centralize. This begins with younger generation. God has put on my heart the freshman class of 2012. I believe that God is going to use them to do something amazing. They will be gatekeepers who invite the presence of God into our campuses. It reminds me of the prophetic parable told through the Dr. Seuss book, "Horton hears a Who?" In the book, it is the Mayors young son that is needed to shout out and save the city. Likewise, it is the younger generation like the freshman who we must empower to do the work of God in our generation.

So ya, I got to share a lot of things on my heart. And it was cool to see how those things are resonating on the hearts of the other people. Ahh!! Good things are coming! We must be faithful and press into prayer even more! I was so encouraged after this leadership meeting. One of my friends came up to me. As he prayed for me, he gave me this cool image that God gave him for me. He saw this image of a coin and there was a small little hole in the middle of it. He said that everything I said at the meeting that day was right on the mark, and it was like a shot a hole through the coin that hit right through the middle. He told me to keep that coin and have it as a remembrance of the work God is doing in my life and of those around me.

So there's a lot going on - a lot I need to process through and pray for direction for. But like I said, I am really excited and feel a lot more revived. I am looking forward to the coming shift and transitions in my life and that of others. I am ready to allow God to move through my life and guide my every thought and action. I am ready to get back in the game and allow God to use my full faculties for His glory. I am looking forward to blogging more frequently and starting up an Epic Movement ASU blog that will hopefully encourage others in Epic and ASU to share their stories online. Yay! It is a new season, and a new thing! The flowers are about to bloom in the desert. Pray that God will protect our hearts and minds and preserve our humility and innocence as we step into this new thing.

God, You are amazing! You blow my mind away! Thank you for your faithfulness and your love. God thank you for the hardships I have had to endure in this last season. Thank you for all the lessons I have learned. Help me never to forget what you taught me. Keep me humble and hungry for more. Thank you for this new season of transition. Thank you for an amazing wedding, and thank you for a fresh new revelation of your love. Continue to pour out your spirit and your revelation and prepare our hearts for the new things you are about to release. God, prepare our hearts as we transition into a new wine skin. Help us to be ready for the new anointing you will pour out. God, make us desperate for you as we cry out with intercession. Awaken a generation to be desperate for more of your love. God, we pray that what happens here changes the world. May our intercession be fueled by our intimacy with you! Pour out your Spirit! The Spirit and the bride say come! Thank you for the amazing imagery of you love which you reveal through the marriage of a man and a woman. God, we desire to lift you higher above all things! You alone are our hearts desire! Nothing else can satisfy our thirsty souls! We love you Jesus! We want more of you! In Jesus Name, Amen!

One Legit Wedding!!!

Yay! Today was Chris and Heidi's wedding! It was legit! Seriously, there was some crazy Jesus anointing there! I have been a part of a lot of weddings, but I have never been able to experience such and awesome Spirit-filled service. There were times of worship in which I could feel the Holy Spirit moving so strongly in the sanctuary. The whole ceremony was a picture of beauty and an awesome representation of what the marriage between the church and Christ will look like. The vows they exchanged were so powerful. As I sat in the message, I was just in awe of Jesus. They took communion together and lit the unity candle together. I don't know what to really say. I am just so amazed and so honored to be part of a wedding in which Jesus was at the center of everythign that happened and the Holy Spirit was the most honored guess. It was amazing to be a part a celebration of two people becoming one that more importantly pointed to the oneness of the Bride(the Church) and Bridegroom (Christ). Chris and Heidi's wedding is what a wedding is supposed to be. Their marriage pointed to the greater significance of Christ and the Church, and Jesus was glorified in the midst of the celebration of people.

I am so honored to be a part of their lives. It is not only their marriage but their entire lives that emulate a passionate devotion and love for Christ. They have labored and prayed so hard for our campus, and their efforts have not been in vain. God has heard their intercessions and have rewarded them for their patience. It is so encouraging to hear their story of how they waited for one another and trusted God to provide. Psalm 37:4 was a key verse mentioned throughout the ceremony and reception. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Each of them waited so patiently and cast their eyes on Christ before all else, and in result, God has blessed them tremendously. They both have tremendous callings on their lives, and now that they are brought together, God is going to multiply that blessing.

I am especially blessed and inspired by their lives because I know their prayers have direcly influenced me. They are my spiritual mommy and daddy, and I know that it is through their intercession that God has helped birthed a passionate devotion for Christ and a desire to see church planted across the campuses, cities, and nations. Having been able to spend some time with them on a road trip to Colorado this summer, I got to see their hearts and their genuine love and compassion. I know that God is going to use them to raise up and give birth to a generation of lovesick worshippers and passionate prayers and church planters. God is going to bless them with both physical children and spiritual children that will impact the nations.

Like I said there was such a powerful anointing there, and their marriage represented so much of the raw passion that Christ has for the Church and the passion the Church must have for Christ. They read a passage from Song of Solomon that is so powerful. The imagery is amazing, and it represents this raw passion that we as the Church must have for Christ, and likewise it demonstrates the amazing passion He has for us.


"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jeslousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised."

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (NKJ)

To go along with this passage, Misty Edward's song, "You Won't Relent" has been speaking to me so much lately. She uses the passage from Song of Solomon to further depict this beatiful imagery between the bride and the bridegrrom. It's soooo goood! Jesus is amazing, and He won't relent until He has all of our hearts. I pray that God will renew the love affair of the Chruch and Christ once again. Jesus is Sooooo Gooood! That wedding was LEGIT!



So ya, on a side note, after the wedding Shaun Grindle and I got to hang out. We talked about the awesome stuff God is doing on the campus and in our hearts. We talked a lot about the new wine skin God is preparing us for in this next season. As we talked, I was showing him my blog, and the cool things God was showing me through it. I started looking back at my blog to an entry on May 15 called "Faceless Generation." In that post, I talked about how God put on my mind the words "Media Revolution." As I read those words, I remembered the prophetic word that I heard when I went to this Christian organization last Tuesday called Transcend. God led me to go there to listen to my friend speak. They showed this video there (see underneath). And it talks about a media revolution that is going to take place in Phoenix. It's crazy because this word was given in May as well around the same time that God spoke to me the words "Media Revolution" in this blog post. So ya, I just wanted to share that because it encourages me in knowing that God is speaking to me. And also to encourage others to journal and blog and begin to write down the things God is putting on your heart and mind. As you continue to be faithful, he will confirm things that you wrote down as time goes on.





Hmm... I have some other thoughts. But I think I'll continue them in my next blog post. Yay God!

just some thoughts...

So I just got back from my spiritual father's bachelor's party. It was a pretty cool experience to be able to share with him and the other guys. It's crazy to think that his life is forever going to be changed in a couple of days. It's going to be such a huge transition for the two of them, but I think that this marriage represents kind of what God is doing here at ASU. It's crazy to think that this marriage is happening in November especially after the prophetic word I heard a couple of days ago about how November is a month of shifting and transition. I think God is definitely doing something special this month and is preparing the hearts of people for the big things he has in store next.

So aside from the bachelor party, I met with my discipleship group today. Only one of the guys showed up. We got together shot some pool and got to talk about different things going on in our life. We talked about just the spiritual climate of the campus and just things that were on our heart concerning Campus Crusade for Christ and just the campus as a whole. As we talked, we began to mention how we really just needed to start to pray. Something that God has really been putting on our heart is to pray for the Cru house where some of the guys in Campus Crusade live. The Cru house is also where we have leadership meetings, our Epic meetings, and other get together. God has really been putting this place on peoples' hearts. In fact, I have even had a couple of pretty significant dreams about this place. So as we were talking, we decided that we needed to stop talking and follow through with what God was calling us to do. So at that moment, we decided we needed to go the Cru house and start praying.

It was such a crazy experience as we prayed together in the shack in the back of the Cru house where we meet for Epic and stuff. As we prayed, God began to put things on our hearts and minds to pray for. We began to rebuke apathy, rebellion, sexual immorality, and other foul spirits that might be afflicting the place. It's crazy because so many times we have had prayer meetings and Epic meetings, people would fall asleep. There was such a heaviness there as we prayed. But as we continued to press in prayer, God kept showing us more and giving us discernment as to what possible things might be making the spiritual air heavy. It was like my friend and I became personally revived as we prayed. Our prayers became so specific and so passionate. The presence of God truly met us in that place, and we knew that we had to continue to press in prayer. For so long, many people have said we needed to pray for this place, but so many things have gotten in the way of that. So many things have gotten in the way of the body of Christ at ASU praying. I know that so many things have gotten in the way of me praying. Yet today, when we resisted this temptation not to pray, God showed up for us in an amazing way. As we prayed against things at the Cru house, we began to realize even some of the things that were afflicting us.

It was awesome to see how God has such a desire to meet us in the place of prayer. So many times I find myself talking about possible answers and solutions or things we should try next. And so many times, I have forgotten that what we need to is go to God in prayer. I think that so many times, I haven't believed that God would give me answers or provide insight to my problems. But time after time, God is showing me that he desires to show up for us when we invite Him to be a part of the process in prayer. I pray that this would be the start of something thing - a shift in the prayer house. I trust that God will continue to impart a spirit of intercession to people at ASU and around the world to contend for His will to be done.

I am learning so much more about my own inadequacies and insufficiencies. I am learning more about the things that are holding me back from stepping into my full destiny. I think there is still a lot of fear, immaturity, pride, self-seeking, and so much more. God is working on my heart still, and it is so humbling to know that God would use a broken person like me to do the purposes of His heart. It is such a blessing and an honor. It brings me to the reality of the fact that I am really nothing without God. He is so good, and I am thankful for His many blessings.

I am realizing more and more that as a leader I must model what I preach. I realize so much that I talk to much and have a lot of words to say. Yet I am realizing that many times these words aren't often received or understood. There is so much that I want to try to say and explain many times, but I realize more and more how actions speak louder than words. It is such an eye-opener to the reality that integrity is so crucial. As leaders, what we do is so closely monitored by others, and our actions give a testimony of where are hearts are truly at. There's so much on my mind, and I have a hard time trying to sort through everything. Yet, I am so thankful that God is in control and that He is watching out for us.

One thing that really struck me this morning was a conversation two women were having at the crosswalk today. They were talking about babies, and I just happened to catch part of their conversation. One lady was telling the other how ultrasounds these days show babies smiling in even the earliest stages of infancy. She said that in the old days, ultrasounds would only show a peanut looking shape. As she said this, I was thinking to myself how can we kill these babies knowing that even in the earliest stages of birth, we can see smiles on their faces. It brought to mind the reality, that babies even when first conceived represent a special and significant life.

So ya, just some thoughts on my mind that I wanted to get out there. It's pretty late here, but I want to make a better effort to record my thoughts and things on my blog. I just really want to record these things especially in this season of shifting and transition. God is going to do some pretty crazy things here coming up soon. It's going to be a big deal. I just pray that we would usher in the Spirit of God through our intercession.

God, you are big. You are awesome! Words cannot express the joy your presence brings to my soul. God, I pray that our generation would experience your joy, your love, your presence. Impart a spirit of intercession amongst your people. Awaken desperation in our souls. Bring unity to the body. Give us a righteous hunger and thirst to pray and seek your face. You said that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be satisfied. Satisfy us with your presence O Lord. Turn our hearts back to you. God, may we stop talking and start praying. Break off any hindrances that keep us from praying. We thank you Lord that you are faithful. We love you because you first loved us. Pour out your mercy and your steadfast love. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Thoughts on the election

So I have had a couple of days to process the things that happened at TheCall this weekend and a little time to think about what happened during the election. Before this election season and especially before TheCall, I really didn't have too much interest in politics. I knew that it was important, but I was, for the most part, pretty apathetic and ignorant. I didn't really know about the issues or the significance of them. After going to TheCall, God began to really impress to me the significance of certain issues. I never realized why abortion and homosexual marriage were such a big deal. I never really realized how abortion is so close to God's heart because, in essence, the blood of 50million babies are crying out to God for justice. Similarly, the first institution that God mandates in the Bible is that of marriage. God ordained marriage through Adam and Eve, and we must protect that. When I was at TheCall, I didn't really recognize the full significance to what was happening to me. But God broke my heart for the issues of abortion and homosexual marriage, and I began to realize how close they are to his heart.

Although the election of Obama as the new president brings to question what will happen with the issues of abortion and homosexual marriage in America, there is no question that God is ultimately the one in control. It is great to see the nation experience much healing and racial reconciliation with the election of Obama. What was a dream for so many fighting for civil rights years ago is now a reality. Seeing so many people crying tears of joy on Tuesday was an encouraging sight. I didn't really recognize the significance of it then. Watching Obama's speech, I wasn't really sure how to feel. But seeing the responses of ethnic minorities especially the Black American population is a telling sign of the healing that has taken place in many peoples hearts. History was made on Tuesday, and we were all a part of it. In my Asian Pacific American class today, my professor talked about the significance of Tuesday's election. He talked about how we must remember what we were doing on that day because it will be talked about for generations to come. No matter who you sided with, history was made.

Though there are still many questions left still answered, it is encouraging to see the younger generation play an active part in the election. I think some statistics show that college age students accounted for about 20% of the overall voting percentages. It is amazing to see how our generation has responded to such a historic election. Things brings so many thoughts to my mind. On one hand, I am excited that the younger generation values and sees the importance of this election. On the other hand, it is also eye-opening to realize the reality of the student population on our universities. While it is great that university students are voting, I also began remembering that our universities today are composed of only about 3-4% of Christians. So what this seems to show is that our generation is becoming more socially active and aware. This is great, but where are the Christians in all this? What the Christian students doing to be a part of this phenomenon?

What makes me interested is the level of excitement and enthusiasm that so many college students have right now with the election of Obama. As I walked through campus today, I heard so many conversations of people who were in good spirit because of the new election. This generation of younger voters really care. They are socially active and care about the change that they desire for this nation. It's cool because when I think about these things from a larger perspective I realize that true change requires three important aspects: Revival, Reformation, Restoration. Revival is the tangible presence of God coming down and changing the hearts of people. Reformation is the socially active aspect that seeks to change society and maintain the spiritual shift that comes with revival. Restoration is the resurgence of the new testament church and the saturation of simple expressions of churches that exemplify true community.

Revival and Reformation go hand in hand. We cannot only have the hand of God come down and touch the hearts of people without our society changing. If corruption and lack of social justice continues in our nation, the revival we experience will be short lived. Thus, with this in mind, it is awesome to see the reformers being raised up. The younger generation is responding and wants to see change. But again where are the Christians? Where are the revivalists? It was great to go to Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego and worship and pray with thousands of others Christians. The revivalists are being raised up, but we still have a long way to go. While it was great to see so many people, the reality was that the stadium was nowhere near full. There is still so much more growth and desperation that is needed within the church.

We cannot expect to only fast and pray for a short period of time. We must live a lifestyle of praying and fasting. While it was great to fast and to pray as a nation, we cannot stop there. There is so much more that needs to be done. While at TheCall, Lou Engle made mention that while it was great to fast and pray on Saturday before the Tuesday election, the most important day was Wednesday. Wednesday was the most important day because it was the day that the true battle begins. We must continue the passion and the fervor. One man in office is not the solution to the problems. There is so much more prayer and fasting that needs to be done.

As Christians, we must become more desperate for God. We must consecrate ourselves and live a lifestyle of martyrdom - dying to ourselves through prayer and fasting. It is an intense, radical way of life. But it is a calling that God is inviting our generation to be a part. He is inviting us to be a part of a lovesick nameless, faceless army that will contend for revival in our nation. He is raising an army that seeks Christ as their lone satisfaction. It is an army who will be willing to give up the legitimate pleasures of the world for the extreme pleasures of knowing God. It's not a light calling, but this is what God is inviting us into if we truly want to see our nation transformed in revival and reformation. The reformers are starting to be awakened. Will the revivalists follow? How desperate are we for change? Will we seek God in prayer and fasting?

So ya, this Tuesday was significant for me. I want to hold onto and cherish those moments because I know I got to play an important role in what happened. Lately, I have been struggling with consistency and overall passion. I felt like I lost some of the passion that drove me to run hard after God over the summer. Yet after going to TheCall, I feel like God really began to revive me. On Sunday night, I couldn't get to bed. I was lying in my bed restless thinking about how frustrated I was with my own spiritual state. I wanted to get back to my first love. I wanted the passion in my heart to be rekindled. So that night as I lay in bed, I decided that I was going to run hard after God and return to my first love in hopes of rekindling that passion.

Over the weekend, Lou Engle sent out an email about how he was inviting people to take the Esther fast for the last three days before the election. The Esther fast was a fast in which Esther and the Jews did a fast for three days in which they had no water or food in order to petition to God to have mercy on them. I failed on Sunday in doing this, but I was so desperate to rekindle that passion and cry out for mercy on behalf of our nation that I decided to do it for the remaining days. I have fasted quite a bit in the past few months, but I have never not drank anything. It was so hard to do this kind of fast, and I only did it for a couple of days. The sensation of thirst is intense. I know it was God alone who sustained me. I remember pulling out my water bottle in class and opening it wanting to end the fast. But something inside me told me not to, so I put the water bottle away and I literally hungered and thirst for God. It was hard because that Monday I was so discouraged the whole day. It wasn't until going to the prayer house that night that I received some encouragement and got a new burst of excitement.

Fasting Tuesday was even harder, but I knew I needed to press in. I got to the prayer house and pray for the elections with one of my leaders from Crusade. We prayed for an hour or so and then we began praying for some different people who came to the prayer house. One person I prayed for was a member of another Christian ministry on campus. He was speaking that night and asked me to pray for him. As I prayed for him, God invigorated my spirit once again, and I began to pray passionately that God would move through him and bless his talk that night.

So fast forward to that night, I was watching CNN for a little bit and hanging out with some friends. I didn't feel comfortable there and so I decided to go the prayerhouse for a little bit and pray over the elections before the final results came in. So I was there praying for an hour or so, then I was going to go back home and do some homework. But as I left the prayerhouse, I felt like God was telling me to go the meeting of the student I prayed for that was giving the talk that night. So, I nervously walked to the place where the meeting was held. I hesitated at first, but finally, I knew I needed to go in because God really wanted me there. I walked in and there were like 6 people in the audience. It was kinda awkward at first, but I went in and saw some of my friends. I walked in late while they were doing worship, but they continued worshipping for a little while longer. At first my heart was not into it all, but as the worshippers prophetically sang and declared the love of God to the people in the room, the room filled up up with both more people and tangible presence of God.

It was an awesome experience. Then, the student I prayed for got up and gave his talk. He talked about our need to see the non-believers on our campus the way that Christ saw them. He pointed to how Stephen and Jesus loved people even in the face of being put to death. The only reason they could love in this situation was because they could see those who were persecuting them from the perspective of the Father's heart. It is so encouraging given the elections and the issues that face Christians today. As Christians, we cannot merely talk about the issues of abortion and homosexuality, we must do something about them. We must begin to love the homosexuals, those who have suffered pain through abortion, homeless, and the oppressed with the love of Christ.

So often we as the body of Christ have fallen short in being the hands and feet of Christ. We have failed to love because we ourselves have not experienced the tangible love of God. We must allow God to change our hearts to love the "unlovable." I believe that the only that this happens is when we Christ begins to change our heart through prayer. We must bow our hearts and bodies to God in prayer and ask him to change our hearts and see others through His eyes. I know that I have fallen short of this so many times. I have such a difficult time praying on my own because I find myself not really loving or caring for the people I care for. But I know that God is working on my heart and transforming to love others as he loves them.

So while at this meeting, the main leader gave a prophetic word about how November is a season of shifting and realignment. God is working people's hearts and is shifting them and realigning them into new areas. He also showed a cool video of prophetic word of the media revolution that would produce new music and movies that would impact society. The word made mention of Jerusalem, Phoenix, and Palm Springs as being hubs of this new media revolution.

Anyway, after this meeting, I walked back to my dorm just in time to see Obama give his speech. Like I said, I wasn't sure how to react at the time, but I knew that God's will was done regardless of the scenario. I ended my fast that night, and I felt kind frustrated with myself because I didn't see the results I wanted to see, and I didn't really break my fast the way I wanted to. I was kind of confused with the whole situation and frustrated at the same time. However, when I woke up the next day, I knew something was different. I realized that now more than ever we needed to pray and seek the face of God. I went to prayer house and prayed for the nation, but I realized I still didn't really know how to pray. I went back to my dorm, and one of my friends texted me that he had been doing some contemplative prayer and felt like God was saying this was an important day.

I sat and thought about the events that I had experienced in the past few days and realized that today was an important day because it was a day in which we were called to respond. The elections are over, but now the battle begins. Will we respond in desperation and cry out for God with even greater intensity than before? In the midst of the election and all that was going on, it was encouraging to see that Prop 8 in California, Prop 102 in Arizona, and another similar proposition was passed in Florida. These propositions make mention of making marriage between a man and a woman and make homosexual marriages illegal. It was amazing to see such a decision especially after we prayed so hard for these propositions while in California. It was great to see that God answered our prayers and worked on the hearts of the people. Yet there was also a grim reality than many states rejected legislation concerning ending abortion in a few states and another state, Washington, passed a proposition allowing doctor-assisted suicide.

So I feel like God was showing me that, He heard our prayers and answered them. However, there is still so much work to be done. God is looking for a people who are truly desperate and are truly committed to prayer and fasting to move the heart of God. We have a long way to go, but at the same time we have come so far.

Then tonight at Epic, I wasn't really sure what we were going to do. I knew that we should talk about the elections because the elections were a pretty big deal, and it was important for the church to respond. So it was amazing to be able to talk about the election and the issues that concerned as a group. Then, we began to cast vision of what revival would look like and how we would respond. We read through 2 Chronicles 7:14, and for the next hour we prayed the 2 Chronicles 7:14 prayer. Next, I had everyone break into groups and pray for one another. I didn't expect this go too long, but we ended up praying for one another for another hour! It was amazing to see a body of believers coming together to pray and encourage one another. God is truly restoring the church in front of my very eyes through Epic. It is amazing to see how people are beginning to realize how we are the church and the church is here to exhort one another, pray for the issues on God's heart, and move into action. God is doing something special here, and I feel so honored to be a part of this.

So ya, it's like 3 in the morning now. Some of what I typed may not make sense, but I really wanted to take some time to record these thoughts and memories before it was too late. These last few days have been so impactful to my life, and my life has been forever changed by the events of this past week. I never thought I would find myself caring so much about issues of politics and government. But these are important issues on God's heart, and He is slowly working on my heart to bring it in alignment with His own. Most significantly, I am learning all over again that intercession must begin with intimacy. Isaiah 62:6 talks about being watchmen in the night, but even before this, the preceding verses talk about the bridal paradigm. We must first have intimacy with Christ above all things.

I am learning all over again that it is not the things that I do that matter to God. It is my heart. I am learning to rest in God and find joy in my salvation. I am learning all over again that I must not work to see revival or breakthroughs. Above all else, our greatest reward is knowing Christ and knowing His love. When we first go back to the simple devotion and love for Christ, He will give us the fuel and the passion to pray and intercede for the things that are on His heart. Today, before Epic I got to walk around the park with God and just remember the days of hungering for more of God. It's all about simplicity. The simplicity of intimacy with our Heavenly Father.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008, was a big deal in the history of the world. I am so thankful that I got to play a part of it. God used it to change not only my life but reinvigorate my heart and allow me to get one step closer to understanding his heart and recognizing the importance of simple devotion.

God, I am tired right now, but I am so thankful for everything that you are doing in my heart. I pray that you would raise up a generation of lovesick worshippers who pursue you with reckless abandon. Raise up the revivalists and the reformers who will have a passion to see your name be lifted high in this generation and the generation to come. Raise up your generation with a passion to say, "Give us this nation, or we would rather die." God give us a passion that consumes us - a passion that seeks to know your love above all else. May you alone be our source of satisfaction. May we remember that You are our great reward, and above all else nothing compares to the prize of seeking your face and knowing your beauty. In Jesus Name, Amen!

TheCall and other miscellaneous shenanigans

So, I've tried to write this blog like three times, and I failed in doing so the first few times. So I am trying again now that I am re-energized by some Jesus loving at all campus worship tonight. Man, I have been unbelievably frustrated in the last few days, weeks, etc. I have been frustrated at a lot of things, but tonight I got to experience the refreshment of God's love thanks to one of my brothers in Christ who really lifted me up today with some awesome words of encouragement. So ya now that my mind is experiencing a lot more clarity and peace, I'm going to try to recap some of the crazy things that have happened in the past couple weeks or so.

I went to TheCall California this weekend. It was intense - as you would probably expect from 12 hours of fasting and praying. I had a lot of mixed feelings during the event. Like at times I was really into it and a lot of times I wasn't. It was kinda hard because I think I may have been expecting things for myself that weren't necessarily what God wanted for me. But in the end, I know that God showed up in amazing ways, and I am very glad that I had the opportunity to be there. Being at TheCall really opened up my eyes to the importance of intercession for our nation, our society, our families, our generation. It was so awesome to see so many lovesick worshippers crying out to God.

Oh ya, one thing that really made me happy was that I got to see Daniel, Albert, and Howie after TheCall. I got to go out to eat with Daniel and catch up some. It was like a mini-Epic reunion. And it made my heart happy. So I forgot to mention this when I first wrote my blog, but it was so important to my happiness that I had to go back and edit this into my blog. So it might be kind of random, but it makes me happy so that's all that matters.

Oh and another thing, I got prayed for by someone who had been delivered by a lot of sexual sins and other things while we prayed against sexual immorality in America. His prayer really encouraged me, and it was cool to be surrounded by so many believers. The worship was really awesome too. At the end of the service, there was lots of awesome dancing going on - undignified style. It was legit!

One point that really sticks out to me is when Lou Engle gave his vision of a series of 40 day fasts in California. He has a vision of different ethnic groups such as Chinese, Latino, Korean etc. and other groups such as the Catholics and university students joining together to do a series of 7 forty day fasts throughout the year in the upcoming year. Next, a guy came up and marveled at the vision Lou came. He was so inspired not only by the vision but by the response of the people. The guy speaking stated that he knew God was on the move on the hearts of people because if wasn't all the people would think Lou Engle was crazy for thinking that 7 forty day fasts was even feasible. And how true is that? How crazy is it that there are pockets of people in America that are so sold out for Jesus that the thought of 7 forty day fasts is even conceivable. God definitely is on the move in peoples hearts, and it is an exciting time to see people laying down the things of the world for things of God.

I guess I sometimes forget how much God is really moving in our nation and in peoples' lives. I am so used to moving at a fast rate that I get frustrated when I don't see what I expect. I get frustrated when people don't catch God's vision for simple church planting and 24hr prayer. I get frustrated when people don't excited about the move of God or aren't aware of the amazing things He is doing around the nation and around the world. I often find myself getting in this elitist mindset of thinking that I know and have more than others. I get frustrated and even angry at others sometimes. Also, lately my attitude has been so volatile. Some days I will be really happy and excited, and most other days I am really frustrated and upset at the situations around me, others, and myself. One thing God was really showing me and working on my heart at the Call was this issue of being up and down in my attitude and my overall feelings. I have realized that when I am with crazy, Jesus loving people, I usually am pretty happy and upbeat. However, when I am around Christians who are not so high on Jesus, I find myself being dragged down by their temperament. I am really frustrated by this because lately instead of helping others see the awesomeness of Jesus, I am brought down by their lack of passion. I find that this translates into my frustration with the church.

Lately, I can't really go to organized church or even a lot of other Christian events like my Campus Crusade weekly meetings. It is not that I have anything against these ministries. I love what God is doing there, and I know there has been so much progress there. However, I feel such an emptiness and feel brought down sometimes when I go to these events. This is part of what I'm talking about when I say that my temperament has been up and down. It's like I sense the lack of Holy Spirit power and instead of bringing the Holy Spirit, I feel emotionally drained and frustrated by what's going. I find myself drawn to the 24-7 prayer house and to my Epic simple church because I see community being developed there, and I see edification of the body of Christ. Again, it is not like these things are not happening in organized church or weekly meetings, but I feel such a frustration towards these things right now because I have not been able to find the balance between ministering and ministering toward others. I have not been able to find the balance of holding on to my joy in every situation.

As you can see, it's a really weird season for me. I am having a hard time really keeping myself together. I feel like I am working too hard sometimes to see breakthrough when God just wants me to rest in His love for me. I feel like I am constantly attacked by lies and worries over many things. I am frustrated by these things that afflict me. But at the end of the day, God is inviting me to remember that He loves me with an everlasting love and that there is nothing I need to do experience the fullness of this love. I was really encouraged by one of my brothers in Christ today as he encouraged me and really reminded me that God was proud of me and loved me even in my frustration and anxiety. I know I must surrender all to him and allow Him to have all of me for all of Him.

Anyway back to TheCall. So the trip was pretty exhausting. My group left at 4:00Am on Saturday and got to San Diego at 9:40am. Prayer and worship went on from 10am to 10pm. It was craziness. Then, my group needed to leave right away, so after getting some food, we left around 12:30am and got back to Phoenix at around 6:30am. I had to drive from like 1:30 til we got home. I was driving on like one hour of sleep and so ya it was pretty exhausting. I got home and ended up sleeping from like 7:30am until 5:00pm that night. But the trip was worth every hour of lost sleep and the exhaustion that came with it. I am still trying to process everything that happened. And even though I can't put a finger on it right now, I know that God awakened and maybe even started something new in my heart.

So throughout the day, we prayed for various issues. It was really cool because a lot of the issues that were prayed for dealt with racial reconciliation. It was amazing to see groups like Asian Americans, Latinos, Black Americans, Native Americans etc go up and pray for the nation. It was so cool to see Catholics and Protestants and so many other diverse groups come together and pray for the nation. People were able to put away any sectarian differences and come together for the common pursuit of knowing and loving Jesus. It was so great to see these different groups cry out to God. It was especially moving to see the Latino community worship and cry out. There cries were so vibrant and so passionate. It is great to see the Latino community being raised up to fight against injustice and proclaim the love of God.

Dr. James Dobson and his wife Shirley were there. They are the founders of Focus on the Family. It was so awesome to see such amazing men and women of God at this event. It really reflected the oneness of heart that is being developed among leaders in America. It was so cool to see these two influential people supporting what God was doing that Saturday in San Diego. Many people made mention that being at TheCall on that Saturday was the most important place to be at in light of the upcoming elections. The stadium was filled with lots of people. It was hard to gauge how many people there because there were lots of people on the field and many more others scattered throughout the stadium seats. There were so many influential Christian leaders. It was so cool to see influential Christian leaders whose names are well-known come together really just humble themselves and give all glory to God.

Like I said, the event was kind of weird for me at times because I felt like my heart was hardened at times. I don't know if it was really hardened, but a lot of the issues we prayed for didn't really hit hard in my heart at times. I think some of this was because of issues I mentioned before. Anyways, this really made me appreciate those who have been battling in intercession for years, and it really encourages me to press into intimacy with God that He may give me strength and fuel to continue in intercession. Yet in the midst of this mentality, God really broke my heart as we began to pray over abortion.

I haven't really felt this broken over an issue in a really long time. But as we prayed, God broke my heart for the babies who lost their lives. I began to weep uncontrollably as the Holy Spirit moved my heart for these babies. It's crazy because I used to think that abortion was not that big of a deal when I was younger. But lately, I have really come to realize the magnitude of this issue. Without the ending of abortion, we will never see revival in America because the shed of innocent bloodshed invokes a curse on our nation. But throughout the entire day of prayer, it was really the issue of abortion that hit my heart had. Like I said, I didn't' really experience the Holy Spirit in maybe what I would have expected. But through this process of breaking my heart for the issue of abortion, I know that God really was present and doing something in my heart and in my life that I have yet to really understand or see the fullness of.

Some of the coolest and really inspiring parts of TheCall were when Jesse Engle came up and just poured out his heart and his vision for the emerging generation. It was awesome to be part of the younger generation that was there. A lot of the stuff that was prayed over had to do with things that seemed like they were more for adults. Not that praying and political issues were only for adults, but the way they were presented seemed to be the older generation. Yet, when the younger generation came up and worshipped and prayed, it was such a dynamic experience. It's so awesome to see a younger generation so passionated for Christ. It's amazing to hear their testimonies and their prayers for the emergence of an even younger generation of lovesick worshippers.

In addition to all this were the crazy testimonies of deliverance. There were those delivered from drugs and sexual immorality. There were stories of those struggling with homosexuality who had supernatural encounters with Christ and turned their lives around. It's awesome to hear about the the 24/7 prayer house in San Francisco dedicated to praying for the deliverance and salvation of homosexuals and others who are oppressed in San Francisco. God definitely began breaking my heart for the homosexual community and the sanctity of marriage. I feel like God really opened my heart and my mind to see the importance of intercession for the government and political arena.

I guess the part that was really special for me was when Jaeson Ma came out and prayed for the Asian American population and talked about revival on campuses. He talked about how Bill Bright and Billy Graham were mentored by Henrietta Mears and took the burning heart contract in which they made a convenient with one another and with God to contend for revival on the campuses. Jaeson also talked about how Bill Bright prophesied that the next campus revival would occur when Koreans and other Asian Americans gathered together and prayed for revival on the campus. He prayed that God would impart fire into our hearts and raise up a generation of Asian Americans that would contend for revival on campus. He also talked about how God was calling university students to fast for 40 days in 2009. It was a pretty powerful experience to see Jaeson Ma and Brian Kim impart their fire and passion for Christ onto the Asian Americans and universities students in general. It was definitely pretty awesome to be part of that experience.

I pray that God would continue to raise up a generation of Asian Americans and other university students to take on the initiative of praying and fasting for breakthrough on our campuses. It is so exciting to see what God wants to do and how others are beginning to respond to this calling. I am so inspired to see others being raised up this call and responding passionately to what God is doing in this generation.

So ya, it's been an interesting journey this past few weeks. I was supposed to go to California with the Filipino club the week before, but somethings came up that discouraged from going. In the end, I was able to go home for the weekend and spend some much needed time with the family. It was so awesome to be able hang out, go shopping with them, and eat some good food. I got some new glasses, new shoes, and my ring engraved. I got a covenant ring to signify my commitment to what God is doing in this generation, but that's a different story in itself. But anyway, last weekend was cool to be able to rest and connect with the family. It is such a blessing to have a loving family who shows so much love and support. I am so thankful to God for that blessing, and it is something that I never want to take for granted.

So my California Adventure was kind of derailed a bit, but in the end, I know it was for the best. I know I need to still kind of process everything that has happened, and it's going to take some time. But I know God did some awesome things in my life, and when I get through this season of frustration and hardships, I know that it will begin to make more sense.

On a lighter note, my discipleship group went sharing today. We were praying for insight into who we should talk to. One of the guys in my group said he had an image of a guy with a blond hair, a blue shirt, khaki pants, and that maybe his name was kyle. There was four of us in the group and so we divided in twos. So two of us started walking around looking for who we should talk to. Neither of us really got much insight on who to talk to, so we kind of just started asking God to point us in the right direction. We went towards the library and started talking to someone we knew for Crusade. As were talking to him, I pointed out to my friend a guy who I thought might fit the description given by my other friend. He was wearing a blue shirt and khaki pants and had blond hair. As he was walking past us, my friend yelled, "Kyle." At first, I was kind of confused that my friend knew the guy walking by. But then I realized that he was just saying the name that my other friend mentioned while praying. The guy stopped and looked at us. My friend then asked if his name was Kyle, and the guy was like "ya, my name is Kyle." I started laughing. Haha....seriously, God is crazy man. Everything that my friend got in prayer was made known right before even right down to his name. That's pretty intense. I haven't seen anything that specific happen before, but it was a cool little encouragement from God. Kyle was on his way out, but we got to pray for him and encourage him. He said he went to Navigators a couple of times, so ya, pray that God gets Him good! Woot!

But ya, I need to go sleep now. That's always a good thing. But with the elections at large, God put on my heart to pray Luke 18 - the parable of the persistent widow. In the midst of political uncertainty and corrupt leadership, God says in Psalm 118:8-9, "It is better take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge than to trust princes." Even though there is so much uncertainty with the upcoming elections, we must trust that God knows best and is always faithful to provide. He demonstrates this in Luke 18.


Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men.
And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off ? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

God hears our prayers and is faithful to provide for in our persistence. God will provide for us and will answer our prayers when we seek him day and night. As the elections are rapidly approaching in the next day, we must press in and seek God in prayer. It was mentioned tonight at the prayer house that these upcoming elections don't only affect the next 4 years but the next 40 years. We must pray that God has mercy on our nation. God is a God who delights in mercy, and when he shows mercy He is most glorified because he shows the great extent of His love. We must cry out for mercy, and we must plead for Christ's blood over our sins and over the sins of our generation. We must plead that Christ's blood reign supreme over the blood shed of over 50million babies lost to abortion. We must be like the persistentt widow in Luke 18 and contend with the government to hear our cries of justice. But most importantly, we must cry out to God to hear our cries of desperation and have mercy on our country in this desperate time.

God, we thank you that you are a God who loves, and God who has mercy. God, we ask that you would forgive us of our sins and for the bloodshed of innocent babies. Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and bring revival to America! Raise up desperation in our hearts once again. Draw our hearts to a radical life of fasting and prayer. Above all else, let us seek you in intimacy and find you in the quiet place. We need you, O God! You are our heart's one desire. God, may you raise up a generation who will run to you and strip off any weight or hindrance that keeps us from pursuing you whole-heartedly. God, we desire to pour out your love and to pour out your mercy. Come like the rain Lord. Open the flood gates, and pour out your favor upon America. We need you Jesus! The Spirit and the bride say come! In Jesus Name, Amen!