A time for everything

hmmm....what an interesting day. I had bloodwork today to see if everything is going well with my body. hopefully everything turns out okay. I ended a seven day juice fast today and moved on to a fruit and veggie fast. I just really want to seek God, but it's hard sometimes because I realize that it takes a lot of discipline and diligence. I'm good some days, but there are days like today where I just feel restless and like i have dropped the ball.

Ultimately, i know that i can't beat myself up about these things. all i can think of right now is how grateful I am for God's grace. I look at myself right now and I want to see results. I want to be a man after God's own heart like David. I want to take out lions and bears and slay giants. But I realize that ya there is a time for everything. David had to be a Shepherd, Moses was in the wilderness, Joseph was in jail, even Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness.

I look into the future and I dream of revival. I want to see reformation and restoration of the New Testament church. I see the potential. I see the growth and excitement of my church, and I've been watching the revival in Florida for the last few days. And I want it. I dream about it. I get excited about it. but then reality hits, this is hard work. this is no cakewalk. haha, a week into vacation and im already complaining. whats the matter with me, right? haha, i know i need to relax and just delight in God. It's not about the revival; it's not about the future. It's about my heart. and the more and more i think about it. there is a lot that God still needs to work in my heart.

sure, im a dreamer. i'm a visionary. i'm a go-getter. God has blessed me with unique gifts and abilities. but he's not interested in all those things. He wants my heart; my devotion. and i see that in order to be the man God wants me to be there must be sacrifice, there must be discipline. Discipline.....that's the key word for me right now. I've been living a life where everything has come soo easy to me all my life. I have great parents, great family, great friends. I mean I got my first B ever this past semester. God has totally blessed me. But I am beginning to see that I can't get the things that matter to me most that easily.

there are no late night cram sessions. there are no sparknotes, cliffnotes, or cheat sheets to understanding and having more of God. It's a relationship that takes TIME - Discipline. Looking at my life and all the things that God has been doing, I realize it's a process. It's a process of hard work and striving to want more of God. But in the end, it's not about all that.

I think what I need to realize sometimes is that, yes, its going to be hard and yes we have to run hard after God - but at the forefront of it all, it's about delighting in God. If we pursue God so hard and so stringently, but we forget to enjoy His presence then we have missed the point. God loves us as we are. That's the beautiful thing. God's grace is sufficient for me. He sees my brokenness, my inconsistency, my lack of discipline, and yet he loves me the same.

I'm not a perfect person. I go through the same struggles as everyone else. I'm human. Yet more and more everyday, I see that God is working in us and His time is perfect. Lately, I have been getting an image of a blooming flower. And I think God is showing me that a flower has to bloom in the right season otherwise it dies. Right now, I'm so eager to explode and go crazy f0r Jesus. But the time isn't right yet. I have to wait on him. Right now is a season of rest and refinement in which I have to realize what it means to have a relationship with God.

It's crazy to think about that because I mean once we learn to truly have a relationship with God, then we really learn to have relationships with others. When we can bring the discipline balanced with the passion and true intimacy with God, we will learn to love and enjoy other people. I long for the day when I can come to better know the heart of God. I want to be like Solomon and have a wisdom and discernment for justice. I want to know God's heart - know what He loves and know what He hates.

Oh God, I am sorry for being so caught up in myself sometimes. I'm sorry for living according to my clock and not yours. You see my depravity and inconsistency, and yet you have grace. You love me. And I pray that on behalf of our generation you would restore our sense of identity. may we not be consumed by satisfaction in temporal things of this world, but may we know that you alone can satisfy us.

Teach us to pray, to us to love, to enjoy live abundantly, to delight in you. May the desire of our hearts be in line with your will. May we delight in you and find rest in you. Thank you that you are strongest in our weakness and that your grace is sufficient for me. I am weak but you are strong. I am tired, but you give me rest. I am restless, but you restore me. I am confused, but you give me hope. May the cry of my heart not be about my emotions, but may I take in faith that you are going to complete in me the work you started.

We want you Jesus. We want to make your name famous and give you the glory you deserve. even the rocks cry out to you O Lord and we refuse to stay silent for you any longer. But teach us to wait. You will cause us to bloom in the proper season. So as we wait for you O Lord, teach us to love, to live, to delight in You the lover of our souls! thank you Jesus. Your blood has set me free. amen.